I will not use this message board to get advice on my personal problems.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ah Hell, who am I kidding?

All right, first the obligatory Why-I’m-asking-this-here disclaimer:

I know that the SDMB is probably not the best place to be looking for personal advice, but hell, I feel comfortable with you folks. I’ve been lurking here for over a year now (I’m on my third user name, I think—don’t worry, the others have been disposed of in the approved manner), and I feel like I know many of you. Plus, semi-anonymity of a message board makes me a great deal more comfortable spilling what I’m about to. Please bear with—or ignore—me.

About two months ago, I met an incredible woman. She’s extremely beautiful, very funny, smart, and genuinely interesting. We began talking often, both online and in person, keeping each other up regularly until the wee hours of the morning. After about two weeks of this, we began dating, and things have just been getting better and better. We see each other five or six times a week, and are both genuinely happy, myself for the first time that I can remember. I am utterly nuts for this girl; thoughts of her get me through the rough parts of my day. When I’m with her, any worry or stress that I have just disappears. We sleep together whenever we have the chance (in the literal, non-sexual sense), and I can say in complete honesty that the only feeling better than drifting off beside her is the feeling of waking up with her still in my arms. If I wake up before her, I am completely content with just lying there, watching her sleep. This woman feel a way I didn’t know it was possible to feel; she makes me feel complete.

I just might be in love with this girl. This is where my problem comes in. You see, I thought I was in love once before, and I was dreadfully and painfully mistaken. Everything about this relationship, though, is completely different than the other. The feelings I have now blow the other ones completely out of the water. But still, there’s enough remaining scar tissue from my previous relationship to make me hesitate here. I think I love her. Actually, writing this has made me just about certain that I love her. Still, though, I’d like a second opinion before I yell it from the rooftops. I’m presuming that the rest of the SDMB community has had a bit more experience in this area than I do. Every word I’ve used here has been completely true; I’ve exaggerated nothing. From what I’ve written here, does it sound like I’m in love?

2

Oh yeah. No doubt about it. Just the fact that you posted this tells the whole story.

Just for your info, the classic answer to “how can I tell if it’s really love?” is “Do you think of her more often than you think of yourself?”

And for the unrequested advice portion of my response–take it slow, talk to her about your fears and other feelings–she may have some of her own you know–and enjoy, enjoy. Even if you get hurt (and you won’t because this is true love), it’s worth it.

3

Pull the trigger, pal! Hmmm…, that might be misinterpreted. I meant, if nothing from this relationship is setting of any alarms, and it’s just a worrisome feeling of not wanting to get your heart broken again from the last time out, Hell, pursue it.

You’ll kick yourself later if you walk solely out of fear of it not working out.

Ahem,… different story if it’s all so wonderful except for (blah, blah, whatever might raise a caution flag on this particular woman).

4

Pantology, it sure sounds like the real thing to me, from here. I agree with Kallesa completely. Just take it slow, and enjoy. Please don’t let past hurts overshadow current joys. Therein lies a certain road to pain. Now go hold her all night long, and be glad at how blessed you obviously are.

You sing in my consciousness like a counterpoint to my life.
L.L.

That’s my name, not a description. I am neither purple nor a bear. Okay, so I’m purple.<a true Wally original!>

5

Ah, Springtime and the sweet scent of young love is in the air.

Sounds like a winner, friend.

6

sounds good to me!
so whats your secret? :slight_smile:

Check out my site:
Chief’s Domain

7

You’re describing how I felt the first 18 months I was with my **ex-**wife. The upside was, I wouldn’t trade those 18 months for anything, not even to be rid of the pain and horror of the breakup. One of the best lessons I learned from the breakup of my marriage is that I can survive anything and so can you.

Pantology, what you have is wonderful. Enjoy it for what it is. Live in the moment. Love is how you feel; If you feel like you’re in love, then you are.

Do enjoy yourself and take all the pleasure and joy you can from each moment.

Do have the courage to be completely open to your lover and be vulnerable.

Don’t get married or sign on each others’ checking accounts for quite a while.

Remember, you’re running high on NRE: New Relationship Energy. It’s better than drugs, better than anything. But remember that you’re intoxicated. Apply the same sorts of rules you would apply to any sort of intoxication: don’t do anything that requires rational, prudent, cold-eyed judgement and quick reflexes.

The nice think about knowing you’re intoxicated and avoiding things that require judgement is you can let yourself go completely and surrender to the feeling.

Yes, this is ambiguous. Love is ambiguous. So sue me. :slight_smile:

No matter where you go, there you are.

8

Gads, yer turnin’ my stomach with all this sticky sweet sincerity, and that can only mean one thing – the lad is in love.

Remember this only:

“Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.” – Kipling

This would also be a good time to mention that every man in love is a fool.

I’ll raise my glass in the hopes ye’ve found a clever woman.
Dr. Watson
“Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought.” – Basho

9

I know you want to avoid being hurt, but you need to realize something. In order to experience true happiness, you must risk true pain. Only by opening yourself to possible hurt will you be able to experience love fully.

Don’t let your previous experience prevent you from ever loving another person. Try to understand what went wrong and learn from it.

I do not merely dance. I bewitch. I seduce. I enchant and I bewilder. Throw money.
(Gee, Wally must have seen me dance!)

10

Wow, Pantology, sounds like you’re completely besotted.

Here’s my two cents: remain calm. Give it time. Relax and enjoy it.

Two months is not very long. In time, you’ll know whether or not this is a genuine thing or a passing fancy.

Meanwhile, why not bask in the good feelings?

11

Enjoy it guy. Just take it slow. The only thing that really bothers me is that when you are truly in love you know it without a question of a doubt. I can’t tell from what you’ve posted if you really have that doubt or if you just have doubts because you’ve been hurt before.
But I agree with everyone who posted. Take a chance, what do you have to lose except all those lonesome nights.

** Sigh. So many men, so few who can afford me ** Original by Wally

I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

12

If you have to ask, I don’t think you are.

13

First of all, I’m jealous as all hell. Of you for being in love, and of her for having someone love her.

Secondly: here’s the tricky thing about love. Sometimes you fall in love with the person, sometimes with the concept of the person. I suspect you know what I’m talking about, you said you thought you were in love before.

Think about what you love about her. Not like about her, but things that are unique to her and her alone. The When Harry Met Sally quote about “I love that you order everything on the side” kind of thing. When you see yourself staring at a list of the reasons WHY you love her, it might be easier to know for sure. Then give that list to her.

Good luck.

14

<<<<And for the unrequested advice portion of my response–take it slow, talk to her about your fears and other feelings–she may have some of her own you know–and enjoy, enjoy. Even if you get hurt (and you won’t because this is true love), it’s worth it.>>>

Believe me, it’s understandable that you would like to avoid being hurt, who doesn’t? (sickos need NOT apply!) But, in opening yourself up and sharing your fears, and listening to HER fears, you BOTH are building best friends, and that will last after the ‘NRE’.

Judy

“Um, according to who? Nothing more than a high brow troll, though occasionally the bi polar personality swung in a constructive direction on innocuous topics.” Omniscient