Just had a thought while trying unsuccessfully to do something around the house (cleaning, laundry, lawn, etc.)…I wish I’d never found StraightDope. I can’t do ANYTHING productive b/c I love this site! I can’t tear myself away! The people here are great and the conversations are so much fun!
I need to be rich and not have to do anything but log on everyday. 
Thanks to everyone at straightdope.
now i need to go back to work…ergh!
It is an addiction more insidious than cigarettes, alcohol, or even gaming!
Sex. That’s what I need to pull me away from the computer. More sex.
If it’s sex you want, I’m sure you wouldn’t have any trouble finding someone to oblige you :).
heh…
That would work if there was either someone at home or if *some * people lived closer. 
Don’t fight the urge, bunnicula. Resistance is futile.
bunnicul-a…bunnicul-i…bunnicul-eee…bunnicul-Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha…
ahem
Sorry, couldn’t resist. The song just popped into my mind. Really. I swear.
Would you rather it be called ‘LinearDope’?
Dire Wolf, Falder-eeee…erm, nevermind.
Damn. I clicked on this thread hoping that the OP was something about how South Dakota shouldn’t exist.
Hey! I like it here!
Ha! LNO South Dakota is wonderful! Have you ever been? It has some very beautiful spots.
Wastrel I think Linear Dope would be a great rename.
Dire Wolf and Arden Ranger I hope this addiction is curable…or at least controllable. I have so many other things I need to do besides sit in front of a computer. But it’s so addictive! ergh!
Blasphemy, cecil should lay the smack down on you!
‘SlightlyCurved Dope’?
You learn to live with this addicition…in the long run…after awhile.
South Dakota is a CIA plot. It doesn’t exist. Anyone who says it does, or that they’re actually FROM South Dakota, is a CIA spook who will kill you as soon as you turn your back.
I’m on to you, absoul. You can’t fool Minnesota forever.
(Actually, it’s a very nice place. I’ve been there (or passed through) several times, and I enjoyed it… even though it was just a false memory implanted by the government to keep their secret bases safe.)
The black helicopters will be with you shortly. I have given them strict instructions to give you the full workup. Please, don’t put up a fight, they only want to reprogram a few of your implanted chips.
LNO and absoul you guys are part of why I love this board so much. CIA plots and black helicopters. Ha! I love creative minds…or should that be paranoid?
Oh, South Dakota exists…
Along with everything else in your head. Like the pink elephants. Now, if you’d just walk this way, we’ve got a nice white coat for you and a padded room…
absoul, didn’t you know that the SOP has changed for people who think South Dakota exists?
Now I want everyone to look over here at the little red light…poof…
A disembodied voice is heard far, far in the depths of the Internet…like a twinkling star, it’s the genius known as Cecil: Clarence, I hear a disbeliever…I think you better pay them a visit…
CLARENCE: Hello.
bunnicula: Oh! Hello…who are you?
CLARENCE: Why, I’m an angel.
bunnicula: A…what?
CLARENCE: An angel. I’m Clarence, the Angel of the Straight Dope.
bunnicula: Oh, yeah…suuuuuuure, an angel. Right.
CLARENCE: But I am an angel, you see. You said you wished that you had never found the Straight Dope, and I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t say things like that. You see, the Straight Dope really is a wonderful place…
bunnicula: cough, cough Um, is there some place you have to get back to? I mean, a hospital or something…
CLARENCE: Oh, a wisenheimer, huh? All right, all right, I’ll show you just what it would really be like if you had never found the Straight Dope.
bunnicula: Okay, buddy, just leave me alone. I’m outta here… bunnicula storms out of the room and…into a world of black and white Whoa…what’s going on here?
CLARENCE: This is the world that would have been if you had never found the Straight Dope.
bunnicula: But…it’s in black and white.
CLARENCE: Um…yes…the world would be a much less colourful place without…err…
bunnicula: Oh come on, now. That’s so cheesy.
CLARENCE: Listen, it’s a cheap way to implicitly suggest an alternate reality/dream sequence, okay??
bunnicula: Okay, okay…touchy…
CLARENCE: Now, look here…
bunnicula: Why, it’s the room where my computer usually is, but…where’s my computer?
CLARENCE: There, you see? Without the Straight Dope, there’d be no point in having a computer at all. No point at all…
bunnicula: Well, I’d still use it to look at other sites, receive e-mail, as well as all the other things I do on it.
CLARENCE: Err…yes…well, there wouldn’t literally be no reason, but there’d be hardly any reason.
bunnicula: Uh, sorry, but not really. I mean, the SDMB is great, but I use my computer for other things.
CLARENCE: mumbling Well I don’t…ahem…anyway, let’s move on, shall we?
bunnicula: I guess so. Clarence leads bunnicula to bunnicula’s living room. In there, they find bunnicula, relaxing in a chair Hey, it’s me!
CLARENCE: Yes, it is you. Look how sad you are. Without the Straight Dope taking up all of your time, you’ve had far too much time to finish your work. Thus, you miserably sit alone, looking so, so…
bunnicula: Happy and content.
CLARENCE: Err…pardon?
bunnicula: I said, I look happy and content. I guess I finished my work early and had free time to just sit around and relax.
CLARENCE: Err…well, you don’t look that happy. Plus, think of all of the interesting topics you’re missing right now!
bunnicula: Wait, you said that this is as though I’d never discovered the Straight Dope. I don’t really care what I’m missing, right?
CLARENCE: Well…I suppose not. sigh Oh, I give up. I’m so sorry, Cecil. I just can’t seem to make bunnicula reconsider their words. I guess I’m not a very good Angel of the Straight Dope, after all.
bunnicula: But, wait Clarence. I just said that in jest. I don’t really wish that I had never found the Straight Dope. I mean, think of all of the interesting topics, funny anecdotes, great people, and heated discussions on which I’d be missing out!
CLARENCE: So…you really mean it? You weren’t serious when you wished you’d never discovered the Straight Dope??
bunnicula: Of course not!
CLARENCE: Wonderful, oh simply marvelous! Why, this means that I might just get my moderator wings after all! Oh happy, glorious day!
All of the sudden, bunnicula wakes up at her computer
bunnicula: Oh my…I guess it was all just a dream! bunnicula opens up the Straight Dope and gazes at all of the wonderful information, funny people, and the many posts people have made to their thread…the posts literally seem to overflow from the basket…err…thread
bunnicula: Oh…it really is a wonderful Dope!
Sound of standing-ovation type applause, resounding through the galleries
Bravo, silent_rob! Bravo!
(hijack) hey buniculla- did you get your name from the childrens story/video? My kid loved that one. (/hijack)
Because it’s been said that “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”, I offer my own, admittedly inferior to Silent_rob’s version of “It’s a Wonderful Dope”
The Scene: Bunnicula has just wished there was no Straight Dope, so Cecil has sent down moderator second class Clarence to give Bunnicula the “straight dope”. Clarence has just arrived and told a skeptical Bunnicula that he’s gotten his wish…
Bunnicula: Why, you’re, you’re crazy that’s what you are! Get outta my way, I’m going to Martini’s for a drink! <leaves>
Clarence: Wait! Come back! <follows him>
<Exit into the city. The quaint little town of Cecil Falls has become Abbyville, where parents butt into their adult children’s love lives, and everyone is reminded that one vote stopped German from being the official language of the U.S. A statue of Dear Abby, who looks surprisingly like John Barrymore, towers over the landscape>
Bunnicula: Wha? What’s going on here?
Clarence: I told you, you got your wish. There is no more Straight Dope. Without Cecil’s column, all the alternative weeklies had no choice but to run Dear Abby instead. It just…skyrocketed.
Bunnicula: You’re crazy! I must be seeing things…yeah, that’s it…I gotta get to Martini’s!
<Exit to Martini’s bar. It is closed and boarded up.>
Bunnicula: What happened?
Clarence: You wished there was no Straight Dope. Therefore, Cecil couldn’t run his column , so everyone thought beer had chicken hearts in it and it would kill them. Martini’s just couldn’t stay in business after that.
<A look of horror appears on Bunnicula’s face as he realizes what he’s done. He grabs Clarence>
Bunnicula: Clarence! Where’s my wife? Where’s Mary?!
Clarence: No! No! You don’t want to know!
<he gasps as he’s shaken by the collar>
Clarence: She’s in Landersburg! But you don’t want to go there!
<Bunnicula runs offset>
<Exit to Landersburg. It is a slum. Mary is there, picking through rags for food. Bunnicula and Clarence enter>
Bunnicula: Mary!
<He grabs her. She screams and fights him off, then runs away into the darkness.>
Clarence: A long time ago, she took Marilyn vos Savant’s advice, and accepted a $300 raise every 6 months instead of $1000 a year. You see, Bunnicula, one column can affect a number of lives, in ways you can never realize.
Bunnicula: I was wrong!
<runs off. He is wandering the streets, when all of a sudden, an abandoned copy of the Chicago Reader blows into his leg. He picks it up, and, miracle of miracles, the Straight Dope is there! With a suprised and joyous expression, he runs home>
<He gets home, and runs into the house. His family and all his friends are there, including those not mentioned in this parody. The TV is on, and C-Span 2 is on in the background.He has a big smile as he kisses Mary.>
Mary: Bunnicula, we know you were afraid your web usage would interfere with your life, so we got you this.
<She hands him a cellular phone with web support.>
<Little Zuzu jumps in his arms and kisses him. From the TV, a senator says, “Mr. President, there are not enough members present to take a vote”>
Zuzu: Listen, Daddy! Teacher says, ‘Whenever a senator calls a quorum, someone’s picked to moderate a forum’
Bunnicula: That’s right…that’s right
END