I wish that at least a few of the dykey girls weren't gay.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

In the world of dating one of the unique obstacles I seem to face, an obstacle that is becoming quite familiar, is that the women who I crush on and with whom I can really see myself building a fulfilling partnership turn out to be gay.
(That sentence had 46 words in it.)
(still does)

Gee, what are the chances of running into this problem all that often? Well, when you’re attracted to the dykey girls the chances seem to be pretty good.

I met this amazing drummer the other night- I mean amazing. So incredibly talented, with such a bold confident and fun personality, and super-duper cute in that dykey way that I dig so much. Gay.

Looks like we’ll be friends- which is o.k., I’m good at that. I’ve had practice!

Guys, try hitting on a super-dykey gay woman sometime. She’ll look at you like you have two heads. I always get this “Dude, how could you not know???” kind of vibe.

So, please tell me that there are at least a few dykey women out there who happen to be heterosexual. I’d like to think that there’s some hope.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have been allowed to watch Just One of the Guys at such a young age.

Oooh, I feel your pain. I have the reverse problem where I am into feminine men. I’m not into ‘fags’ (highly stereotypical gay men) but straight or bi guys with a lot of feminine qualities.

I have known some ‘dykey’ girls who weren’t lesbian, so don’t worry. I would suggest putting out some personal ads. You might have to settle for a Tomboy instead of your dream dyke, but you could get lucky!

Having fallen for more than one certified (where is that office, anyway?) lesbian, I feel your pain. In one case this was made even more … hopeless because I already knew she was gay.

[sub]At least if she says “let’s be friends” it isn’t as disappointing…[/sub]

Maybe you could get into rugby? One of my roommates was a rugby-loving dyke with a shining disposition. She was also a lesbian, but there’s bound to be one or two per team that aren’t. Right?


SSWM seeks hetero-bulldyke to spend long romantic evenings in dark pool halls.
Thanks, it may come to that. I’m not quite at a point of desperation yet- I’m mostly just making fun of myself. Fact of the matter is, for some gay women the whole “dykey” thing is, not entirely but on some level, a way of signifying. Sort of a “it’s easier on both of us if you just know I’m gay” kind of thing.

Unlike lots of people, I ignore any elements of what might be signifying- simply because I could never know for a fact that it is signifying. I don’t like to make assumptions about people I don’t know, just as I don’t want people making assumptions about me. Now, I do think that this is a pretty good way to conduct one’s self but still, when the dykey girl turns out to be gay, I always get hit with that “How could you not know???” vibe from the object of my affections (as well as a significant amount of teasing from any friends who may witness the whole train wreck!) So, yeah, I’ve got reason to have a little laugh at myself.

And, in truth, I have met many heterosexual women who possess the traits that I find attractive. It isn’t really the dykey look per se, it’s more personality traits. I’m really attracted to brazenness, boldness, courage, ambition, self-determination.

That really sad part is that so many heterosexual women do indeed have all these traits but they have, unfortunately, been conditioned to believe that these traits are a turn-off for most guys, that they should down-play these traits otherwise guys will feel intimidated.

I actually much prefer being the “girl” in the relationship. The problem is that many women who are looking for a girl are actually looking for a girl! Ha!

I’m actually very lucky that I have so many good strong women in my circle of friends and my family, women who realize that these traits are something to be proud of. So, no, I have not given up hope yet.

You mean I’m not alone? Although, being slated as the biggest fag hag in the county, I have had my share of crushes on fully homosexual men. :wally

I lived with some girls from the rugby team back in college. One was gay, one wasn’t, and the one that wasn’t was the only straight girl on the team. After she left, there wasn’t a one. So I guess if you’re lucky you might have some chance, but from my experience with a sample size of one team, chances are slim to none.

Let’s increase the sample size, shall we?
I dated a girl that played on a semi-pro team. She said most of the women on the team were gay, but several weren’t. So let’s say out of two women’s rugby teams, four of the women were straight.

Your odds are getting better, bienville, if you decide to go with the rugby option.

I apologize if this question is too personal, or whatever… but I have no idea what ‘being the girl’ in a relationship entails. What did you mean?

You should’ve just told her that didn’t bother you, after all, you’re bi. :wink:

Hmmm… Is this something I’m supposed to admit? If my hair is short enough, which it is most of time, I’m often mistaken for a boy. I have a tendency to wear men’s clothes since they’re more comfortable. I am, nevetheless, firmly heterosexual, maybe a 1 on the Kinsey scale.

If this is a serious question (well, you didn’t present it in the form of a question, but you know what I mean), we might be able to respond better if we knew what you meant by “dykey girls” and what it about them that you find attractive.

For instance, to take, say, me as a totally random example – I don’t wear makeup, I’m not particularly deferential to men (or women), there are long periods in my life when I wear my hair quite short (though it’s long at the moment), etc. – so I’m not a particulary “girly girl.” However, my body shape is clearly feminine, I wear skirts to work, I’m not interested in sports, etc. – so no one (I don’t think) would tend to describe me as “dykey.”

So, are you talking about a body shape? A set of interests? A style of self-presentation (clothing, hairstyle, posture)? Or what, exactly?

You ain’t alone. I once used to refer to myself as “straightbackwards”. Also as “heterosexual sissy”. If you come up with any really good solutions, let me know :slight_smile:

Best I’ve come up with is the personal ads approach.

Sabrina Matthews is butch. Ellen Degeneres is not. Which are you more like?

Whoa. :eek: Definitely Ellen Degeneres. Or less …

My point was that there are a variety of things that the OP could be calling “dykey,” and I was wondering exactly what attributes he finds attractive – physical, mental, emotional, whatever.

Seems like whenever I find someone attractive, they turn out to be gay!

One exception I can think of is Holly Hunter. I really go for that type. She’s small and scrappy. She doesn’t have a beautiful face, but she has a nice one – and a nice smile. I like the ‘toughness’ of the characters she plays, and the ‘sweetness’ that underlies it.

I like women who aren’t too ‘girly’. A lot of them give the impression of ‘high maintenance’. (i.e., too much time spent on hair, too much emphasis on make-up, too many clothes.) I generally wear jeans and T-shirts, or jeans and a cotton ‘button down’ shirt. But I ‘clean up’ well, and look good in a business suit. I like women who are like that. Show me a Holly Hunter-type in jeans and a plain white shirt or a T-shirt, and I’ll melt. But many, many women I see or meet who dress that way end up being gay. Bummer. Oh, and I prefer short hair – but not too short.

So I like tomboys. That makes me wonder: What if I’m gay? Nope. I’m completely not attracted to men. I’m not wired that way. I think what it is, is that I like ‘playmates’. No, not ‘Playmates’ – I like girls who I can play with. Someone who’ll dress up in riding leathers and ride a sportbike next to me. Girls who appreciate aviation as much as I do. Girls who’d rather sleep in a tent than in a fancy hotel. But in my experience, there seems to be a higher proportion of lesbians who like to do those things than straight women. :frowning:

You might try Germany. Many women there don’t fit the American stereotype of femininity, lots of short hair, no make up, comfortable shoes, etc.

I rarely wear any makeup (even to work), have jaw-length hair with a plain hairstyle for ease of maintenance, prefer jeans and plain tops, wear a skirt maybe once a year, love beer, and have liked the Indigo Girls though these days I’m more of a heavy metal listener. I don’t “gross” out easily and am not dainty. Valentine’s Day is obnoxious, Sweetest Day more so. I hate jewelry - get me computer gear/games if you want to melt my heart.

I’m also married - my guy got to me years ago, sorry.

(I’m also closer to Ellen Degeneres than Sabrina Matthews, so depending on bienville’s standards, who knows if I fit the definition.)

I couldn’t pass for butch – long hair and definitely a woman’s body – but my personalilty is butchy. Some of my best times in college were playing pool and drinking beer with my lesbian friends, and most of my friends are guys. I go for effeminate men (and the occasional butch woman) but effeminate straight (or even bi) guys are rare, and the few I’ve met so far have issues with insecurity and poor self image. If you’re a confident, effeminate, straight or bi man, e-mail me!

Good Og, that’s desperate. :frowning:

Nena (of 99 Luftballons fame). She was a cutie. :slight_smile: