I’m the lone voice of dissent again. Don’t bother flaming me, because on this topic I am immune…I already know I was a crap parent.
I wish I’d never had my kids. I care about my kids, and I like my oldest daughter as a person now that she’s 24; that was a hard row to hoe considering some of the crap she pulled as a teenager. I do not like my younger daughter, who is 23 and has a kid of her own now. She is just an unpleasant individual.
I resent missed chances, but realize that the chances I missed where due to choices I made…I don’t blame my kids for the piss-poor decision-making process I used in my youth. I shoulder the blame for all that.
I’ve never really liked kids in general. I didn’t want kids to begin with. I did not enjoy raising my kids. I put forth my best effort, because I believe in doing a good job. My kids know that I didn’t plan to have them (because not very many plan to have kids when they are 16/17), but if they know that I never really liked being a parent it’s not because I told them “I hate you and wish I’d never had you”. Rather it would be because they, like most people, can figure out when someone isn’t enjoying a project, and parenthood is one long project.
I’m not saying there weren’t any good times. We had a couple of enjoyable vacations, the kids participated in activities they enjoyed, sometimes my kids cracked me up. But if I could have convinced myself that their father would have been a better parent than I, he would have got the kids and I would have walked away and been the absent parent that sends cards and swooshes in with the cool gifts at Christmas.
Now I have a grandson. I love this kid. I don’t know why. Unfortunately, his mom is not a good parent. She treats him like a pet or accessory. And I feel responsible for her bad parenting and the crappy life I think that my grandson may end up having.
I think it takes more work to raise a kid than many people are actually willing to put in. I think that even though I did the best I could at the time, I was a shitty parent. I’m trying to be a better grandparent.