Because she’s thinking snide remarks all the time and not saying them. So it follows that they are, too.
Because, one of the first times I ever visited their home, Queen Bevvie made a point (while CG was in the restroom…I swear she had this planned) of showing me old photo albums of CG from when he was in HS. She made a distinc point of telling me all the cute cheerleaders, etc that he went out with and how he was in NHS and on Student Council and a Teacher’s Aide and all this other bullshit to make me feel I wasn’t worthy because my HS career had been less than stellar. She made out like he was the bestest little boy in all the freaking world and how he ended up with me is a mystery. Oh well…guess it only shows that you can lead a horse to water but if you try to make him drink he’ll spit in your face. Or something like that. 
IDBB
IDBB, I see by your profile that Princess Jessica must have an evil twin living somewhere, because I know the people you’re talking about. Down to the way she parts her hair.
So so so glad I haven’t had to deal with her since second grade. Sorry you have to now:(
Hopefully you only have to see them on holidays. I sometimes feel what you described with my own family, they often irritate the hell out of me. Thank God for friends.
Wait a sec.
Did Queen actually come out and tell you that your husband could have done better?
Could it be that she was just trying to give you some of her son’s history so you could know him better?
“To make me feel”…“She made out like…”
I don’t know…maybe you’re reading too much into this. Of course, I know you can’t give an instant replay of the conversation…does she ever make snide comments about your clothes or how your house is decorated?
I’ll tell you what, I’ll match bad mother in law stories with you any day…when I was married the first time, my ex-mother-in-law took my husband AND HIS GIRLFRIEND on vacation with her.
I don’t know if they are thinking snide remarks about you, but I know I sure am.
Hey, I’m not gonna argue that the Queen and Princess aren’t total twits- you certainly know that better than anyone else here. But you describe something neutral- Queen Bevvie bragged about her son’s high school accomplishments, including his popularity- and than tell us your conclusions- she did it to make you feel you weren’t worthy. The two do not add up by themselves.
OMG…I think you need to start a thread about that. The nerve of your ex-MIL!
In your OP you say that they “toss up in your face that your hubby should have married so and so instead”.
For REAL? That’s rude, but I don’t see how they’re being craftsy, girlie-girl type people has to do with that.
I hope I don’t sound harsh here, but has it occured to you that they could be just as uncomfortable with your “differences” as you are with theirs?
Of course I’m not there, so I can only base my opinion re: your sitch on your few posts here. But it sounds as if you are basing your discomfort in “not fitting in” or “being like them” on just that,YOUR discomfort.
What you may be “sensing” from them might not be "snideness " or disappointment in you as DIL/SIL at ALL, it could just be their OWN discomfort in not knowing how to “relate” to you.
Honest (kind, gentle, and non confrontational) communication is in order. Then, even if they DO prove to be snooty bitches who think that you’re not “good enough” at least you’ll know.
You never know, they may have spent the last 10 years thinking YOU were thinking “snide” thoughts about them!!
Canvas,I know you’re right.You are VERY right in fact. Being who they are,they have no idea how to relate to someone like me who is from the wrong side of the tracks and a very goth anti-cheerleader. I don’t know how to relate to her either, which means we are going to spend the rest of our lives trying to delicately do-si-do around each other gracefully.shrug
I dunno what else to do.
IDBB
Would I be rude and/or condescending to ask your age? (I have a 23 year old daughter).
At any rate, the only thing TO do is to have a talk with them, even if it might be uncomfortable.
Something like, “hey, I really want to have a chance to get to know you guys, after all you’re family, and I love your son, how do YOU think we could learn about each other so we all aren’t so uncomfortable etc”…
I myself am somewhat of a “princess,” and knowing myself as I do, I would probably find myself at somewhat of a loss in knowing how to communicate with a “non-princess” daughter in law (though my son is only 11, I have years in which to practise!! LOL).
They may not be feeling “snide” but uncertain how to reach common ground with you, hence the showing old photos of CGm sharing his triumphs with you etc etc.
This may sound Horribly “yucky” to you, but have you considered maybe attempting a foray into “Michaels” (or whatever craftstore chain is the equivelant where you live), and maybe at least trying to find something that might suit your more “goth” like taste?
(they have gorgeous BLACK silk flowers too!!, {{{just teasing}}}).
But maybe spending a little bit of time with them even if the locale is distasteful to you, you might get to know THEM.
Conversely, offer to share some of what YOU like with them. Volunteering to feed the hungry? Ummmmm,you mentioned interest in the “state of the country,” perhaps share an outing and let them see some of the things in which you are involved? Art? Book signings?
Sorry I digress, the idea being that you all have time to get to know each other, the locales aren’t really important.
I wish you luck, it sounds like you care a LOT how this turns out, and aren’t just being a “snot” about it. Best wishes!!!
You know, I’m among those who are wondering if you’ve misinterpreted the photo album thing. It sounds to me (without, you understand, ever having met this woman) like she said to herself, “Hey, here’s a girl who’s as crazy about the Prince as I am! At last, I can show her the photos and brag about how wonderful he is to someone who will appreciate it! And she’ll see how special she must be to him, to have beaten out all these other girls!” And maybe you were just feeling understandably self-concious (damn, I never could spell that word) and foreign and awkward, and took it the wrong way.
Let me also second the idea of taking a tour around Michaels, or where ever. Yeah, a lot of those crafty things are cutesey beyond belief, but some of them are truly useful and cool whether you’re a goth or a princess. Knitting springs to mind–something that’s “crafty” but very versatile, and can be cutsie, or utilitarian if that’s what you want, or it can approach art, if you want to take it there–you could make yourself a really cool black sweater, or get really creative and design something that suited your taste, and it might be something that would let your in-laws feel a little more comfortable with you, something that would give a starting point for a better relationship. Or I’m sure there are other possibilities. It’s worth a look, anyway.
Might I suggest that you quit looking down on them quite so much? You really seem to think that they are, well, less than you: less intelligent, less deep, less worthwhile as human beings. Your post reeks of scorn. Now, maybe you don’t really feel that way, but that’s how it comes out in your post, and perhaps that is how it comes out to them?
Your MIL and SIL are still people, with hopes and dreams and feelings and desires and insecurities and vunrablilties and fears. You’re an adult now, and part of being an adlt is learning to appriciate people on their own terms, not just in comparison to you.
Example: my best friend is in vet school. I cannot even begin to understand wanting to be a vet: it means going a 100k into debt in order to go through vicious coursework in order to get a fairly lowpaying job. It means watching cats and dogs go through terribel pain,and often as not not being able to fix it. It means not having time to do the thing that I love–teach–and I truly cannot undestand why anyone, anywhere, would want to do anything but teach. On a guy level, what makes her happy makes no sense to me. But I’m still proud as hell of her. I still listen to her tell stories of surgeries and lectures. I feel her excitement and her frustration, even if I don’t really understand why this is the life she wants. Because she isn’t me, and that’s OK*. I accept her, even though I don’t understand her.
You don’t have to understand why your MIL likes lace and crafts and fancy clothes. You don’t have to understand **why[b/] it makes her feel good to look at a room that she designed and built, or why having a big wedding would be important to her and your SIL. You just have to accept that that is how it is–who she is-- and the emotional response she is having is just as valid, just as real, just as worthwhile as any emotion you have ever felt.
Shes no better a person than you, but you’re no better a person than her.
I agree wholeheartedly with everything MandaJo said.
I’ve always had kinda preppy friends (yes, some are “princesses” although I like to believe i’m not) and my b/f has a lot of “goth” friends.
I’ve noticed that the “goths” are a hell of a lot more likely to be snotty towards people not like themselves then the “princesses.” In my experiences anyway.
Just on New Years, I was with my b/f and friend (who’s definatly a princess) at his friends house. There was this group of goth girls there as well. My friend was going out of her way to try and engage these girls in conversation (where are you guys from, do you hang out here alot, ect. ect.) because she’s just like that. Really outgoing and friendly.
These girls were being supreme bee-yotches to her. The fuck? They were rolling their eyes when they thought she wasn’t looking, ignoring her ect. Obviously, they thought they were better than her. I mean, she’s got a big fat diamond wedding ring, and drives a nice car and dresses nice and lives in a big house, that she likes to decorate with the crafts she makes.
She can’t possibly be attempting to find common ground with them. No, no, see she’s a princess therefore she must be making fun of them on the inside.
I know assholes come in all shapes and sizes and are by no means confined to any one “type” of person, but when the majority of your reasons for why these people are snotty begin with “they’re doing it to” and “trying to make me feel” I think it’s time to look at your own insecurities and/or snottiness. The only person responsible for making you feel a certain way is yourself.
So, what have you done to reach common ground with them? Judgementalness is equally ugly dressed up in black or pastel pink. IMHO anyway
Hey, what’s wrong with SUVs? I love my Pathfinder!
As a matter of fact, I love Macy’s, my velvety boobie-hatcher tops, my jewelry, my skirts, and nice makeup, and being a princess.
You sound like you’re just as wrapped up in your “gothic anti-cheerleader” (you used that exact phrase twice in this thread) image as the “princesses” you hate so much, anyway. So stop being so critical, and go get a makeover! I’ll meet you at Macy’s at 2:00 for their New Year’s sale. 
I agree. I have an aunt who is not just crafty, but terribly “Kountry Krafty.” Even though I am a crafty type person myself, that look does not appeal to me, at all. However, since we both have a similar hobby, but are on different sides of that spectruh, she can sit there and crochet lacy doily things that spell out people’s names (I got one of these for Christmas one year!) and I can crochet a cool hat and scarf, and we’ve got something in common. I don’t know if you just don’t like crafty things in general, or just the style of stuff that they do. I mean, there’s this whole punk d.i.y. crafty thing going on right now, and there really are some cool things that you can do.
And on the picture thing, you may just feel like mom was trying to make you feel uncomfortable. I know that I got so used to getting bad reactions from people, based purely on my appearance (Short blue hair and noserings don’t really fit in with the general aesthetic in small southern Texas towns.), that I just started automatically expecting it from everyone. That ended up making a simple comment seem like insults. Maybe, like others have said, mom just wanted to show off how nice and popular her son was in high school, and didn’t think that it would offend you. If you truely are getting bad vibes, that’s one thing, but if you’re expecting bad vibes, you will almost likely get them.
>“I dunno what else to do.”
Leaping out from among everything else you say, I hear sincerity from you. Good!
Please dont get pregnant for awhile. Your marriage sounds very new, and it sounds not very likely to succeed! (Geez, I’m forthright with a stranger. I apologize.)
For your relationship with your female inlaws to succeed, you are going to have to come to understand them: what makes them the way they are, what truly motivates them. You also need to understand yourself better! The most important thing for you to discover is why Queenie is so proud of her little boy’s high school accomplishments. (Hint: her pride in her son has NOTHING to do with you. In fact, all the things you say about their thinking bad things about you, those are all IMAGINATIONS you have. Your best strategy: ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING! It does not have to be a glitter-and-paste project, accomplish something that pleases YOU and your tastes. And remember, “It is better to succeed at a small goal than to fail at a big goal.”)
Manda JO keeps stealing exactly what I want to say. I also felt a good deal of scorn in each of I_Dig_Bad_Boys comments about her female inlaws. Here’s the thing – you can’t insist that people respect your personal choices while you are disrespecting their personal choices. Here’s a suggestion for you, Kiddo: knock that chip off of your shoulder. I assure you that you’ll have a much happier life if you stop assuming that every single thing your female inlaws say to you is meant as an attack. As others have said, your examples don’t support your thesis. Your mother-in-law wasn’t bragging about your husband’s high school successes in order to slam you – she was bragging about her son because mothers enjoy bragging about their sons. And most of us realize that not everyone wants to hear that stuff. I’m looking forward to my son bringing a girl home so I can brag about him to someone who also thinks he’s neat as hell and who will enjoy yakking about him with me. And, while I realize that you and your female inlaws are very different people – them liking things you don’t like is not evidence that they are disdaining your choices. In other words, if your sister-in-law says, “I saw a yellow sweater yesterday that I just loved. It had beautiful beading on the front and was just adorable.” it isn’t fair for you to assume that she really meant, “Why don’t you buy a pretty yellow sweater instead of that ugly black rag, you freak.”
Jess
From IDBB’s other posts, I don’t think we’ll need to worry about that.
Most of the gothy-type people I know are the most crafty of all my acquaintances. It used to be a DIY-type subculture (I hate that word). People had to be creative if they wanted to wear something different when most stores wouldn’t be caught dead with it on the racks.
A lot of my friends rabidly get the Jo-Ann flyers and cut out the coupons, buying patterns and ribbon and fabric and flowers and and and and. Some also crochet or knit or do needlepoint. Craftyness != pastel princess.
[sub]Right now I’m working on a needlepoint of a dragon. It looks cool, goddammit! ;)[/sub]