I.
Sept. 18, 1943
Kwajalein, South Pacific
Dear Sadie:
I think the captain is kooky. I mean, he shoves some clothing and oil out into the water. He thinks the Japanese are going to make a bad guess about us. And he already got one sub sunk on him…
Jimmy
II.
July 23, 1980
Redondo Beach, California
Dear Mr. Williams:
These nuts in the trucks are still at it racing across the country. I swear, that Arab one cop stopped looked like Klinger…
Jane Halsted
III.
May 22, 1935
Toluca Lake, Calif.
Dear Mimi:
If you’re smart, Mimi, you will think again about hiring that nutty Jake Gittles. Two hoods stopped him out in a field last night and cut up his nose! If you hire him he’ll probably screw the case up and use your dough for a nose job.
Leroy McBean
IV.
July 16, 1954
DuQuoin, Illinois
Dear Dr. Allison:
I think that young acrobat we saw when the circus played in Bloomington is asking for trouble. He hurt his leg and he’s also had trouble with an escaped lion, and he wants to stay in the act. I’m not about to refuse him if he’s injured, Sir, but if I had my druthers I’d get him to quit the big top once and for all!
Philip Greenbrier, M. D.
V.
Feb. 26, 1929
Palm Beach, Florida
Mr. O’Hallihan:
I think we should quit allowing Sweet Sue and her band to ride on our train. They’ve cancelled bookings from two string-bass players and two saxophone players, and now Kane, the ukulele player-singer, has left. If they keep having no-shows on their return trips I’ll recommend we refuse to sell them tickets any more.
Harrison Pendergast
Station Master, Palm Beach, Fla.
III is the excellent Chinatown (assuming that “Gittles” is a typo for “Gittes,” otherwise I’m clueless)
I suck at the rest of these, though. I’m never very good at these games. And I can’t come up with more either. leastways not at this time of night.
I… Run Silent, Run Deep
II… Cannonball Run
V… Some Like It Hot
V is Some Like It Hot.
Is the first one Operation Petticoat? It’s been a long time, but I know I’ve seen this one, so that’s my guess.
I’d guess Cannon Ball Run for II, one of the sequels, not the original, is that close enough?
I’m clueless on IV. The only circus movie I can think of is Toby Tyler, and I don’t remember him breaking his leg.
Originally posted by Kallessa
It’s Trapeze, Kallessa–with Tony Curtis as the injured acrobat, and Burt Lancaster and Gina Lollobrigida.
A couple more:
VI.
August 31, 1949
To Mr. Chrysler’s office
I am considering contacting the Attorney General’s office about Sam Grunion. If he can’t confine his dealings with the Romanovs and Mme. Egilichi to his own office instead of cavorting on rooftops in Manhattan, I have misgivings about assigning him to any further cases. And those two ragamuffins in the theatrical troupe aren’t helping matters either.
John Baldwin
Chief of Security, Chrysler Building
VII.
June 18, 1982
Dear Ms. Martinelli:
I have serious doubts about what those Emerson kids said concerning their damaged prom outfits but, so help me, I have never trusted that damned Peyton and his family. If you want me to keep an eye on him I will, before we tie up the insurance company with more claims about damaged tuxedos and dresses.
Joe Helton
manager, downtown store
VI. Love Happy
VII. Valley Girl?
VII: Zapped
Widdershins, you’re right about VI. Knarf, you’re right about VII.
A few more:
VIII.
11 August 1996
Kentwood, Cheshire
Dear Squire Arthur:
That was a remarkable piug you wrote me about! He fended off rustlers? We should see if he has kin as intelligent…
Faithfully
Winthrop James
IX.
July 27, 1958
Dear Aunt Carmen:
I was acquitted! I knew I did not commit that murder. The jury debated for about four or five hours. I even saw one big husky man sobbing as he came out of the jury room. And when I left I saw a juror outside smiling; I heard him say “Davis.”
Your nephew Pepe
X.
May 5, 1994
Dear Joseph:
We had a hearing last week concerning that young fellow you asked about. We were set to dismiss him when his blind uncle spoke. He was a rash man and crude, but unquestionably courageous. You know I don’t often change my mind about such a serious matter but I certainly did this time. Here was an opportunity I had to practice what I have always taught you about fairness.
Dad
Widdershins, you’re right about VI. Knarf, you’re right about VII.
A few more:
VIII.
11 August 1996
Kentwood, Cheshire
Dear Squire Arthur:
That was a remarkable piug you wrote me about! He fended off rustlers? We should see if he has kin as intelligent…
Faithfully
Winthrop James
IX.
July 27, 1958
Dear Aunt Carmen:
I was acquitted! I knew I did not commit that murder. The jury debated for about four or five hours. I even saw one big husky man sobbing as he came out of the jury room. And when I left I saw a juror outside smiling; I heard him say “Davis.”
Your nephew Pepe
X.
May 5, 1994
Dear Joseph:
We had a hearing last week concerning that young fellow you asked about. We were set to dismiss him when his blind uncle spoke. He was a rash man and crude, but unquestionably courageous. You know I don’t often change my mind about such a serious matter but I certainly did this time. Here was an opportunity I had to practice what I have always taught you about fairness.
Dad
Oops, sorry…the server timed out so I wound up posting this twice… :o
IX. Twelve Angry Men
VIII: BABE
X: “Scent of a Woman”
I - U571 (I don’t think anyone answered it correctly yet)
I think all the others that I knew have already been answered.
I. Hellcats of the Navy, I think.
I. was Run Silent, Run Deep.
To continue this I am going to use Arabic numerals now instead of Roman.
11.
To: Mr. Arturo Gianelli, Regional Manager
Sept. 3, 1999
I believe that for this block we may have a problem selling some of the houses. It seems there’s an older couple on one side of the street, who have one son living with them. (He’s a policeman.) And his younger brother lives across the street, with his wife and kids. He’s a sportswriter. With the one family constantly coming across the street–just about every day–we get puzzled comments and questions from potential buyers. And we haven’t closed a sale on this block in six years! I wish I knew what to do about these people…
Sincerely
Leroy Wilkins, realty supervisor for Queens
12.
Nov. 1, 1965
Dear Mom and Dad,
I don’t want to live on this street anymore. The people in the gingerbread house down the street are weird! I saw the guy in the striped suit filing points on the iron fence last week. And his wife was in the yard cutting flowers off the roses, and bundling empty stems to take inside! Last night the kids went trick-or-treating with a bald guy with sunken eyes and a heavy black coat! Please let me come home!
Doreen
13.
April 28, 1872
Dodge City, Kansas
Dear Mabel:
I wish I had the deal that doctor has in town. Every week the Marshall faces off on the main street against some cowpoke and shoots him dead! That ol’ Doc must be rolling in dough by now…
Love
Ebenezer
14.
March 15, 1984
Poughkeepsie, NY
Dear Paul:
The headmistress here has some zany ideas. She decided to fix that attic up in the main building for those girls. So that’s why I came out on Friday for the paint, nails, and window hardware; the headmistress had lots of repairs made to the loft.
Jerri O’Mason
15.
Chicago, IL
June 4, 1989
Dear Sally:
It looks like we’ll have to forget moving here after all. That guy I told you about–the cop next door, who wears the black cap–came back yesterday really upset. I heard him say something like “Hi, Mom!” and then there was a shot! I hope the men in white coats take him away–I’m not staying around to see what he does next!
Herman
11: Everybody Loves Raymond
12: The Addams Family
13: Gunsmoke
14: The Facts of Life?
15: Hill Street Blues
You got 'em all right, Kawliga. 
16.
Sept. 3, 1977
Knoxville, Tenn.
Dear Mom:
What I thought would be another dull week at the diner was livened up a little while ago when this trucker came in. Likes to sing and tell jokes; a likeable guy. He ordered lunch and then these grungy bikers came in and took his lunch and poured pepper on him! He got up and paid me for his meal and left.
The damn bikers laughed their heads off! One said to me, “What a weenie! He didn’t fight back.” I looked out the window and saw the guy start his rig and leave. Then I said, “He ain’t much of a driver, neither–he just ran his rig over five motorcycles!”
Christine
17.
18 July, 1893
Cape Town, South Africa
Dear Professor McManus:
I now understand what you meant about the attitude of the white population here. I was on a train last night and a young colored man, very quiet, boarded. That monstruous conductor threw him off the train and growled, “We have no colored attorneys here!” So help me, if I might possibly do it I shall see that conductor hanged.
Your pupil
Terrence Greenbrier
18.
31 December, 1899
London
Dear James:
My inventor friend told us the most amazing story this evening about a curious machine he has designed. I saw a prototype vanish in his den! I urged him to destroy the machine. Where he has gone and what he will do I know not.
Philby
19.
October 6, 1933
Chicago, IL
Dear kids:
I got to see the Cubs win the Series. Elmer Kane got in the game…it started to rain. He bobbled a grounder but in the ninth he hit an inside-the-park grand slam! Just before he hit it I thought he was going to beat the catcher over the head with his bat. But he socked the pitch into the outfield and skidded into a mud puddle at the plate! Funniest thing I ever saw.
Grampa
20.
April 9, 1968
Dear Mr. Wilford:
I found out they nailed that guy who was going around sawing the tops off parking meters. Sounded like a nut! But not half as nuts as that gorilla who runs the prison camp–you know, that second cousin I can’t stand…
Yours truly
Maxwell Owens
Parking commissioner
- Smokey and the Bandit
- Gandhi
- The Time Machine
- Elmer the Great
- Cool Hand Luke