This idea was so popular the last time I posted it that I’m trying it again. Fictional characters only, as might be evaluated by a psychiatrist or a psychologist.
Sex, Female. Age, 43. This youthful woman, a child of rape, is employed by a police department in, ironically, a division that investigates sex crimes. She is able to sympathize with victims and seems a natural as a therapist. However, she sometimes makes promises to victims, promises that she or the Department cannot honor. Recommend discussing with her superior.
Sex, Male; Age, 33. This man is debonair and affable, but also presents as a devious and calculating liar and thief. He claims to be in the insurance business, and admits to keeping company with another man’s wife. Shall contact state Attorney General and Insurance Regulatory Commission.
Sex, Male; Age, 58. This is an honorably-discharged military officer, with experience in three wars. In our interview he spoke with sometimes sardonic wit, though sadly about the man he succeeded in his last military assignment. He also showed a background in medicine and surgery befitting a military doctor. He said he maintains a semi-retirement practice as a civilian.
Sex, Female, Age, 16. Attends high school. Soft-spoken, quiet manner, rather colorless personality. Showed me a picture of herself with her boyfriend, a muscular blond fellow, who she said becomes angry if other boys even talk to her. Recommend counseling for this boy and his parents.
Sex, Male; Age unknown. Very large for his kind. Garrulous character living in farmyard. Very loud voice, given to interminable, gratuitous bragging. Chortles about battles of wits with barnyard dog; mentions small barnyard denizen he kept referring to as “square-britches,” and another small creature who seems unable to identify subject’s species. May begin speech therapy, if only to quiet subject down.
Oh, Walter Neff wasn’t a bad guy in any sense. Look at what he did to save that young man from being shot. He was just susceptible to ankle bracelets.
Roddy
Sex, Male; Age, about 45. Subject speaks with an Italian accent, but I am not satisfied that it is authentic. Seems to be something of a hustler, and uses rather absurd reasoning. Carried pack of cards, invited me to play gin rummy after session. Reads racing form. When I went out to meet him for interview, he was playing the piano in the atrium. Recommend introduction to Gamblers Anonymous.
Sex, Male; age, 48. Self-deprecating; made wisecracks about being something of a loser. Made little mention of his wife. Ravenous appetite, obvious from his overweight appearance. Mentioned beer several times. Recommernd introduction to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Sex, Female; age, about 35. Speaks in a rather scratchy voice. Married with three children. Always wears strapless dress, pearl necklace, and bouffant. Husband something of a buffoon ; disobedient son and precocious daughter, along with baby daughter.
Sex, Male; Age, 20. Employed by newspaper. mentioned heroic friend, and reporters he works with. Subject is callow and guileless but loved by his co-workers and boss. Sometimes gets into dangerous situations but is always rescued.
You last three guys are right: No. 8 is Marge Simpson.
Here’s No. 10; I ran out of time earlier.
Sex, Female; Age, 37.
Is employed as a waitress; claimed to have trained as a singer, settled in present location strictly by accident. Has teenage son, well adjusted; she is widowed. Showed her out-of-state “Class A” drivers license, allowing her to drive three- or four-axle vehicles. Described her job, with usual characters, including her grumpy but softhearted boss, and her two colleagues, a brassy woman from Texas and a young scatterbrain. Have urged subject to switch to performing career as soon as feasible.
Sex: Male; Age: 55. Professional in film industry. Career spoiled in recent years by alcoholism. Assisted by peculiar friends and skeptical movie mogul in effort to recover. Claims to have contacted several big-name stars, whom he named; contacted in unusual incidents. Related hostile contact with Eastern corporation coveting his enterprise, even to the point of sending a young woman out to seduce him. Claims plotters’ effort backfired; relationship and movie endeavor succeeded.
Sex: Male; Age, about 65 (no birth record available). Lives in Ozark area of Missouri. Speaks in strong regional accent. Height about 4’5"; wife about 6’3"; one son; claims animals run in house freely. Usually seen carrying double-barrelled shotgun (not allowed to bring it into building here). Background investigation reveals subject has had run-ins with ATF and revenue agents concerning illegal manufacture of corn whiskey.
Sex, Female; Age, 16. Petite but shapely. Wears glasses. Likeable girl. Keeps company with three other kids, and a strange dog, a Great Dane; they travel in a large, brightly-painted van. During interview, on October 30, a Halloween mobie was playing on a TV in the adjoining room; sometimes the sounds was loud enough for subject and me to hear. Sometimes I was distracted; she never was, suggesting she was familiar with such things.
Sex, Female; Age, 38. Immigrant from Germany; employed by State Governor’s staff as a cook. Speaks with Bavarian accent. Engages in give-and-take insult match with budget director; properly courteous with governor; adores governor’s teenage daughter. No psychological aberrations observed, budget director’s insinuations notwithstanding.
Sex, Male. Age: Not determined, but equivalent to 65 or so. Very intellectual; in interview he related how he had hosted a long-running TV show’s first appearance in color. Speaks with a mittel-European accent; wears pince-nez eyeglasses. Scored very high on standard IQ test; scoffed at entering Mensa.
12 was Snuffy Smith; 13 was Gretchen Kraus (Benson); 15 was Ludwig von Drake (Disney).
Some more:
Sex: Male; Age: 22. Recent graduate from Princeton; Midshipmen’s School. Bright and dedicated, but still seems attached to his widowed, wealthy mother. Said his Navy superiors claimed he was intended subject of his family’s influence, but resisted. Co-defendant in court-martial; acquitted. Recommend contact with commanding officer (fitness reports) before final evaluation.
Sex, Male; Age, reported as 40 but questioned. Like previous subject, a Navy man. Peculiar diction; barely literate. Deformed limbs and chin. In course of background investigation I contacted various people who claim he gains unusual strength from eating (raw) canned vegetable. This will require personal observation to confirm.
Sex, Female; Age, 28. Hair in stylish period “do.” Melodious voice, even when just speaking. Large, observant eyes. Glamorous and proper, but always cordial to others. Desp[ite campy appearance and behavior she seems well-adjusted.
Sex. Female, Age (given as 420). Wears black hair long; white streak in it. Clothes in melodramatic theme, with bat necklace. Even gave her maiden name as “Dracula.” Very level-headed and lucid despite appearance. No suggestions as to how to handle her or her monstrous husband.
