Bleach: I am not racist because I only hang out with the whites. Everyone else runs away from me.
Neon: “Sometimes when I get turned on, I start flashing people.”
Plutonium: “Woof!”
Tin: “I think I got canned.”
Oxygen: Look at the money I O2 all those people.
Barium: the undertaker of the periodic table
This calls for periodic punishment.
Iodine only at fashionable restaurants.
Neo(dymium) - I know kung fu.
And other elements are strongly attracted to him.
Mind your own bismuth!
Hydrogen: Alright! I’m going to see Zeppelin! Where’s my lighter?
Chlorine Trifluride: "MWHAHAHAHA! BURN! BURN! BURN! BURRRRNNN!!!"
Gold (calling to a friend): A! U!
Erbium, Terbium, Yttrium and Ytterbium walk into a bar…
Aw, man! Zeppelin can’t play Wrigley Field coz the upper tier collapsed–Darmstadtium! Guess they’ll have to play the Palladium, instead.
Promethium: I almost gave fire to mankind.
Germanium: What should I plant in my garden?
Tungsten: I like it oral.
Nickel: “I miss the old days, when I had a buffalo on my ass.”