If Chemicals Were People

Zirconium: “I’m not just square, I’m cubic.”

Argon: “The duchess and I will be dining on baked beans this evening.”

Alkali: “I’m all about the base, the base, the base, no trouble.”

Silicon: “They named a whole valley after me!”

Antimony: after the matrimony turned to alimony, he’s against marriage.

Aw, man, I’m all out of heroin, can I borrow some of Europium?

Whenever the Rev. W. A. Spooner performed a good deed (which was often, indeed), someone would invariably call him a Good Samarium.

Einsteinium: “Okay, maybe God does play dice games.”

In, “Rocky XVI: Rocky Becomes a Chemist,” Adrian is played by Thallium Shire.

Aw, man, it was a Zeppelin tribute band: Pb Zep!

Lysergic acid diethylamide: “Picture yourself on a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies.”

Lithium: “Hey, I’m feeling really great!”

Hydrogen: “Don’t trust me, I make up nearly everything”

Sulfur: “What do you mean, I smell like a wicked witch?”

Praseodymium: “Gesundheit.”

Scandium is dandium but sliquor is quicker.

Gold: “Forget ‘all that glitters’. I’m the real thing.”

Killing is my Bismuth, and Bismuth is good.

Xenon: “Nobody understands me.”

Barium: Anybody need an enema?