The attitude I admire is that of the woman with a “yeah, so?” reaction if anyone implies she might be a slut. I would be proud of my niece if she hit 3 digits’ worth, if the guys she did were her idea or at least were quite appealing petitioners, and she was doing them for her own reasons.
Doing it to “fit in” or because you can’t believe anyone could like you if you don’t have yourself confused with a doormat? Not so much. That’s sad to see.
But it’s got to be annoying to women to blanket them with this assumption that unless they are psychologically damaged goods they would not find that many people, or sex that often, to be appealing.
10 partners in 3 years? An average of 3 and a third a year?
I don’t really understand the utility of this attitude. It’s a left-over that belongs in the bin with temperance movements, anti-marijuana panic, etc. I don’t think people are aware of the opportunities that present themselves to the average 20-year-old these days. If you live in a large city, you likely have a very active social life. If you WERE a slut, you’d be doing it every week. Three guys a year is turning down a good 90 percent of guys even if you wanted to have sex with them.
At this stage, I’m not concerned with numbers but rather if they would be loyal to me. For some reason “having fun while single” gets changed to “un-loyal while single.”
I do feel sometimes understand the feeling towards such women, but it feels a lot like jealousy to me. Women have almost all the power when it comes to the whole act of sealing the deal, and I guess it stems from that.
Myself and two flatmates had this discussion. I was the oldest and have had about 10 or so partners, varying from one night stands to years and years. Don’t feel like a slut, always tested between partners- definitely not a slut.
Middle woman at 25 had one partner, I think they’re married now, aww, too sweet for words. Not a slut.
Youngest, had been sexually active for 4 years and had over 30 partners, not a slut by her own standards. Hadn’t ever been tested for sexually transmitted disease, even though she wasn’t that fussed on protection. Slut, slag, filthy ho.
The numbers don’t count nearly so much as the attitude.
Yeah, it’s utter nonsense. H3Knuckles basically just proves my point. What are you supposed to do? Date for six months before you sleep with someone?
I don’t know what the right answer is. I have these friends who met at their first job out of college and are getting married at 23. I have other friends who got married at 23 and are now in their 30s, divorced and dating the assorted 30-something single freaks one would expect in an episode of Sex and the City (guys already married, possessive jerks, developmentally arrested man-boys, and other assorted losers). I have other friends who are in their thirties, never married and don’t want to settle down at all while others do want to get married because after a lifetime of playing the field, they basically are worried about losing their sex appeal and dieing alone to be eaten by their cats. I even know one couple from high school who married after graduation and were still together at the ten year reunion.
So basically just do whatever the heck you want as long as you are honest with yourself (and not too dishonest with potential mates).
I’ve always liked sluts even though most of the so called sluts I’ve dated weren’t sluts at all. I’ve never seen any reason why a woman shouldn’t have as many sexual partners as she wanted to have for whatever reason she may have wanted them. I’ve always sort of believed in free love, too, although at my age, it’s all academic.
Odd, I’d feel more apprehensive about dating the first woman than the second. 10 in three years sounds more like casual dating around and just having a good time. 1 a year for 10 years sounds more like she has some serious relationship landmines buried throughout her psyche. There are other possibilities, of course, but what first comes to mind for me is either the relationships all got serious enough to last a year and then collapsed, or it was a series of short, desperate flings followed by looong dry spells.
I can deal with the ends of the spectrum, commitment and free-spiritedness. It’s the fear and indecision in the middle ground that makes relationships hell, AFAIC.
Mid 20s, fine. Mid 40s, if you’ve never married (or hell, even if you have) – completely different thing, and the group the OP is referring to.
And I’ll backpedal a little on “none of your business” – the point is that some people, even some perfectly respectable people, don’t necessarily know the answer. How many times have I broken a bone? Once. How many countries have I been to outside the US? Don’t know offhand, but could probably figure it out if I cared. How many different states have I lived in? Again, I could figure it out easily, though I don’t know without counting. How many different states have I been to? I don’t know and I don’t care. How many men have I had sex with? How many movies have I seen? How many books have I read? After a certain point, the numbers aren’t the issue, the question to ask is “do you like pizza?,” not “how many pizzas have you eaten in your life?”
So – by “none of your business” I don’t mean “I know the answer and I’m not going to tell you,” but rather “what an odd question to ask someone our age.” And the proof of the oddness is that men my age don’t ask me, and I don’t ask them, because we both assume the answer is “a bunch,” especially for those who have never married or who have spent fair chunks of time unmarried.
There is a lovely essay I have around here that talks about numbers and the definition of sex. It can be really difficult to count - and honestly somewhat difficult to remember.
Why is it difficult to count? Well, does oral count? If oral counts, how about mutual masturbation? If mutual masturbation counts, what about those hot and heavy petting sessions that didn’t result in orgasm until sometime later when you were along and jacking off? Does only sex with your primary gender preference count, or do you need to include the bisexual drunk college experiment? As a woman it can be harder, since not every act of sex results in orgasm for most women - so you can’t use the orgasm standard.
Once you realize that there isn’t a bright fast line, I think its a lot easier to drop the idea of a hard fast number.
There is no number of guys that a woman’s been with that makes her a slut. Slut is just a name that uptight prudes call people who’ve had more sex than them.
Of course, I’m a guy who’s had sex with more than 10 women in a month.
Call me old-fashioned. But I’d expect any woman I was getting serious about to retire from working in the adult film industry early in our relationship.
Yeah but what does that mean anyway to say that someone is a “slut”? Is being a “slut” bad? Do you think you are somehow superior to someone just because you haven’t had as many sexual partners? Do you get some special prize if you die with just the right number of sexual partners?
I guess if being self-righteous about the amount of sex you’ve had makes you sleep better in your big empty bed at night, more power to you.
I’m a reformed slut. I honestly don’t know how many guys I’ve been with, but I’ve been in a (mostly) monogamous relationship for the last 6+ years.
Like others said, it isn’t the number as much as the attitude. I spent several years with a slut attitude. Like going out clubbing on the weekend my goal was sex, a night going home alone was a night wasted. My view has changed since then.
Honestly, once you’ve established that there are no STDs involved, the only reason to worry about how many people your partner has slept with is because you wonder how many of them were better at it than you are.
