And yes, it’s truly shocking how much that kind of thinking holds sway in modern society, even in my generation (b. 1986). In both genders. So many men actually talk about how many women they’ve slept with or tried to sleep with in the past month, and then call several of them sluts without seeing the irony at all. It’s disgusting.
Even worse is the “she got raped because she’s a slut” meme, which I was shocked to hear about one of my best friends in high school.
Sure it is, when you say it to that person’s face. But the word that people use about other people who aren’t present is a completely different animal, even though it looks the same, sounds the same, and occupies the same entry in the dictionary. It’s still a vicious insult.
I hear that Iceland is the world capital of casual sex. Looks like one-way airfare from Detroit to Reykjavik is $890. You have to stop in New York and Boston, but you can probably get laid there, too. Good luck! Don’t forget your condoms!
I would change “at the onset of puberty” to “from puberty through at least the freshman year of college”, but that’s just my experience.
That is right up my alley. I’m a feminist and that sounds awesome to me. How come I can’t find any women like that?
Maybe I just need to go somewhere less conservative or something, but damn.
I can think of a lot of people who would accept my definition of slut. Maybe they aren’t people you would agree with, but that doesn’t make their view any less valid. And no, I dont have any hang-ups about sex. I think it just ought to stay inside marriage. And even if I had stayed a virgin til marriage, I don’t win anything. It’s just what I believe. I wanted to save something for my wife.
If you don’t agree, it really doesn’t matter. There is no reason to criticize me. Especially when my only criticism was at myself.
Here’s my reasoning as to why women are sluts while a man is ‘the man’ or whatever.
Any woman can get a guy if she’s willing to lower her standards enough. A hot woman can go into any club and damn near pick which guy she wants to go home with.
A guy, on the other hand, will have to work to get a girl. He has to think of the lines, make the first move, work her over. He even has to work at getting Tubsy McGee.
A woman, on the other hand, has to walk up to a guy and go “let’s fuck.” And chances are, they will.
This is the most logical reason why the double standard persists (and will continue) for the forseeable future. More than ever before, women have almost 100% control when it comes to sex. Feminists will still complain about it being a man’s world, but when it gets down to the nitty gritty, women control sex. Period.
If an average girl and average guy walk into a club and each ask 100 members of the opposite sex if they want to hook up, the girl will get 98 yes responses, and the guy may get 2, if he’s lucky. To put it in percentages, if they went out to the club every Friday and Saturday night of the year, the girl is going to be taking someone home every night (52 weeks * 2/7 days = 104 sex partners). The guy would consider it a good year if he gets 12.
Since women have the ultimate say in whether or not sex occurs, our society which still places a very big stigma on sluts puts the onus on women to prevent their own sluttification by saying “no.”
If men don’t like the idea that women possess control of sex, try competing with them for once. The world would be a far better place if men were inclined to see if they could outwait women, scale back the demand until it’s a more equitable supply and demand situation.
If a man wants sex badly enough, all he has to do is lower his standards to include, the fat, the unattractive. the socially inept and the desperate - he’ll get laid as often as the woman who 'lowers her standards.
Women have to work on it to - they have to learn grooming, style. make-up and confidence, otherwise they simply aren’t seen, let alone approached for that ‘line’.
Walking up to a guy and saying ‘let’s fuck’ will get most women the label “slut” and nothing else.
And the most reasonable solution to this problem is to make women feel bad for having sex? That’s some good thinkin’ there, boys. Nobody wins. :rolleyes:
Not that I’m blaming it all on the boys. On the contrary, anytime I’ve ever been called a slut (which would be back in high school, which is fitting since the word encompasses a rather juvenile view of sex), it was by girls. Of course, when a girl calls you a slut, it really means “my boyfriend likes you”, or “people seem to find you more sexually attractive than they find me”. Badge of honor, as far as I’m concerned.
If a guy called me a slut, I don’t think I’d ever stop laughing. Well, actually I’d probably manage to stop laughing long enough to either say “Not anymore” (if I’d actually had sex with the lad) or “Not enough” (if I hadn’t).
So, if a man and a woman meet in a bar, decide they like the looks of each other and go off for a night of mad passionate sex, do you think I should have different opinions of them because one’s a man and one’s a woman? Should my opinion of a man who cheats on his wife be different than my opinion of a woman who cheats on her husband, all other things being equal? Yes, men and women are different, but they’re also subject to different societal expectations, which is why women do have an easier time finding a partner when they want sex but is also why behaviour which many people would consider slutty in a woman is considered normal for a man.
There was an question in the local paper’s agony column on Tuesday. It started, “Before answering my question, please don’t say I’m slutty before hooking up with a guy on the first date.” How many men would worry about being considered slutty?
As for the OP, the idea that a certain number of people makes one a slut struck me as absurd. I’m pretty conservative when it comes to sexual matters, but to suggest that an arbitrary number changes one’s nature or character just doesn’t make sense. As others have said, what matters is the circumstances, not the numbers.
In my mental usage of the word “slut” (I don’t go around saying it a lot) rarely is it applied to someone who simply has a lot of partners. I don’t concern myself with motivations, either. Usually when I think of a slut, I think of a woman who 1) has to let everyone in the world know that she likes sex, dammit!, 2) dresses in a way that leaves nothing to the imagination and screams for attention, and 3) doesn’t seem to care if no one sees her as more than a sex object.
You could tell me that you once slept with 100 men in the course of 10 days, and I wouldn’t think you were a slut if that information was pertinent to the conversation at hand and you generally carried yourself like you have some class and basic home training. Meaning, your ass isn’t hanging out of your shorts, you chest is not on obvious display, you’re not wearing fuck-me heels to the grocery store, and you are able to converse on more subjects than guys, sex, and how much you like sex.
We will be waiting for the blank book entitled “Everything Maggenpye Knows about Men”
This is a message pushed hard by billions of dollars in advertising, that you have to have the latest fashion, skin care products, hair treatements, etc to be found attractive. There are TONS of bars/clubs out there you can wander into with nothing more stylin than an “I’m with stupid” T-shirt. Lots of those people are getting laid that night.
This isn’t the pit. Drachillix - I’ve said nothing personally disparaging about you.
You seem to be basing your ideas of women on those you’ve met in "I’m with stupid’ t-shirts in a particualr kind of bar. That is not a repesentative sample.
I know as much about men as most men seem to know about women. A mix of fact, experience, observation, assumption and (as you say) bullshit.
I hope that rolleyes wasn’t targeted at me, because I wasn’t dealing judgment with my post, I was simply attempting to explain why things may be the way they are. Feel free to disagree and pose a counter explanation.
I never knew how hard it was for guys to get laid until I worked at an internet service provider.
I like to think I was friendly.
And I made it easy for more than a few.
13 years with my husband, 7 of 'em married. He asked once what my numbers were. I told him not only did I not know, I didn’t care. I fucked who I wanted, when I wanted. They all led me to him in one way or another.
Soapbox Monkey, it wasn’t. Just pointing out the absurdity.
Anaamika, you’d be amazed how often I see women wearing headscarves with revealing outfits. Which… whatever, I guess. Not judgey, just baffled. It’s a bit like seeing a guy in a yarmulke scarfing down a bacon egg and cheese sandwich, or an Amish woman bopping around with an iPod.
You picked the wrong fat, unattractive, socially inept and desperate woman. Believe me. I lowered my standards to include that group at the end of last year, and I could barely keep my dick dry for more than 48 hours.
Anaamika, did you see me the other day? You have just described me! Well, not a Muslim headscarf, but I do often wrap my head in African style scarves.
I’m all for being understanding and non-judgmental, but sometimes “the number” is all it takes to define a slut and and this is it.
As most of us are saying (and I said way back on page 1), of course a “slut” is situational and not based purely on numbers, but sometimes being understanding will make you miss the Slutsylvanian ambassador staring you in the face.
