scrubs, from memory.
carla: i like to wait until they beg for it.
elliot: i like to use it as an ice breaker.
[QUOTE=Priceguy]
What does “should” mean here?
[/QUOTE]
Dunno if I’m being whooshed by some Clinton-esque word parsing here, but I’ll answer anyway.
That statement is just my opinion, and it means that when I am looking for a mate, I’ll look for someone whose ideas regarding sex are similar. Call it a hypothetical, along the lines of saying “The ideal woman (for me) should be smart and funny and outdoorsy/athletic (to some extent).” There are plenty of people who don’t fit that description and that is fine by me, but I reserve the right not to date (or fuck) them.
I don’t want to rule the world by personal fiat and outlaw random hookups and one night stands, if that is what you’re driving at.
[QUOTE=H3Knuckles]
But hey, what’s wrong with that? When would you consider it appropriate to start having sex in a relationship? I guess I never felt that there was a timetable for this sort of thing.
[/QUOTE]
Well, as soon as possible I guess. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with one night stands.
The only reason to wait is that some women want to make sure that you aren’t after her JUST for sex. And I suppose if you are looking for a serious relationship, you might want to base it on other things than sex first. It totally depends on where you are and what you are looking for.
[QUOTE=H3Knuckles]
Eh, the moment I posted it, I knew people would start calling me a prude. I don’t really think that’s fair, because I have a pretty liberal attitude about sex and sexuality. I’m just of the opinion that it’s not really a good idea to have outside of a committed relationship nowadays, for a variety of reasons, and that if you’re waiting a few months into a relationship before having sex, you’re not gonna have very many different partners in a given year. Unless you practice relationships with multiple partners at the same time. And hey, as long as everyone involved is aware of the fact and is okay with it, go right ahead.
[/QUOTE]
Well, you don’t really have a liberal attitude about sex then, do you? I would describe your attitude as more traditional.
“slutiness” is more about behavior than numbers. The woman you describe is a slut because she is banging guys in the parking lot while engaged to another man. I would describe “sluttiness” as engageing in sexually self-descructive behavior:
-innability to stay faithful to partners
-engageing in sex without protection
-innappropriate relationships (married men, your boss, etc)
-waking up in strange people’s appartments with no memory of how you got there (see Drugs & Alchohol)
-sex at innapropriate times (Grandmas funeral, at work, etc)
-being intentionally deceitful in order to obtain sex (more than just exagerating you income a little)
I have friends who could be considered man-sluts because they don’t seem to care about anything other than getting laid. They routinely cheat on girlfriends or spouses. One caused a huge problem in our fraternity because he started dating another brothers girlfriend behind his back. A thousand girls on campus, and he needs to bring his drama down on 35 guys because he needs to get his dick wet.
That, in essence, is what makes someone a slut. It is the need to obtain sexual gratification at any cost and regardless of the consequences to yourself or others. One could, in theory, live a lifestyle of constant hook-ups and adventurous sex and they would not be a slut provided they took appropriate precations and were open and honest.
[QUOTE=lobstermobster]
…
Doesn’t anyone get drunk and accidentally have sex with people anymore?
[/QUOTE]
I’ve gotten drunk and had sex many times, but not accidentally. It was always on purpose. 
Okay, Okay, I have a feeling that no matter what I say here, people are going to feel that I’m wrong about something. But let me make one more stab at trying to express my opionion.
I don’t believe that being a slut is a crime, or that it is some horrible sin. It’s like being a lush, or a gambler; it’s indicative of poor judgement, often because of some form of personal issues (ranging from simply being young and naive, to being a “doormat” as A3Hunter puts it, and I’d imagine at the extreme end there’s probably clinically diagnosable issues that can drive a person to it). It’s also temporary: a person is only a slut as long as they actively behave in an irresponsible or unhealthy manner (wrt sex). If they stop, then they are no longer a slut. I don’t feel like I’m on some moral high-horse relative to someone who acts like this, but I would probably choose to limit my contact with them, and I’d think twice about having a relationship with someone who behaved like it in their recent past. I don’t think numbers (or how soon in a relationship someone has sex) are the defining characteristics of whether someone’s a slut, but I think that they can be a reliable indicator of someone’s attitude about it, under normal circumstances. I think that in an ideal world, where one can have sex-with-no-consequences, one night stands are probably a good idea, but I don’t believe that such a thing truly exists for most people, most of the time.
Phew…
PS. I was attempting to be funny with my initial post in this thread, I now regret it.
[QUOTE=Incensed]
I don’t want to rule the world by personal fiat and outlaw random hookups and one night stands, if that is what you’re driving at.
[/QUOTE]
No, what I was driving at was that I honestly didn’t understand what you meant. The “ideal woman” example is clearly a matter of personal preference, while the statement I questioned was indistinguishable from a blanket statement.
10? Simultaneously or consecutively?
I have had between 100 and 1000 [wont narrow it down any further than that =)] and I dont particularly consider myself a slut. I did my teens and early 20s in the 70s and first couple of years of the 80s. Sex was what happened when you wanted to get laid, and I went through a number of serious boyfriends but the vast majority were what would now be considered fuck buddies. Am happily married now, and have been for 15 years, but even when I was going through fuck buddies like m&ms I dodnt consider myself a slut, as many other women I knew were doing the same thing.
[QUOTE=Priceguy]
No, what I was driving at was that I honestly didn’t understand what you meant. The “ideal woman” example is clearly a matter of personal preference, while the statement I questioned was indistinguishable from a blanket statement.
[/QUOTE]
It was a blanket statement, albeit one which I introduced with the phrase “I think” in order to indicate that it was also strictly my opinion.
[QUOTE=H3Knuckles]
An example: I worked with a girl who seemed perfectly normal if you were just talking to her, but over the course of the time I worked with her, it became apparent she was hooking up with cute male customers in the parking lot, that she slept around with friends, and all the while was insanely jealous of her fiance if she caught him so much as looking at porn, let alone when she heard he went to a strip club. I qualify that as being a slut. At first her attitude wasn’t apparent, but knowledge of the sheer number of partners she’d had before she met her fiancee would’ve been a pretty good indicator at the outset.
[/QUOTE]
DING DING DING!!! We have a winner!
Look, I would consider the definition of a “slut” is someone with no self-respect, or respect for anyone else, who has sex NOT because he/she wants to, but because they feel it’s expected of them, or in order to make people like him/her.
But doesn’t get anything out of it-(ha ha!)
[QUOTE=Incensed]
Ahem–I believe neither of those things; I think sex should be reserved for a relationship of some sort, but not necessarily life-long.
As for what makes someone a slut; If you habitually have sex with people whose funerals you wouldn’t attend if they were killed in car accidents on the way home from your apartment, then you are a slut.
[/QUOTE]
Better yet, if you have sex AT funerals with said people.
I’m a slut by most of the definitions in this thread.
(I don’t qualify under msmith’s definition of sexually destructive behavior, or any behavior like the engaged girl who banged customers in the parking lot.)
[QUOTE=H3Knuckles]
…it’s indicative of poor judgement…
[/QUOTE]
How?
We all have our sexual preferences. Mine happens to be that I like a little variety.
[QUOTE=Guinastasia]
Better yet, if you have sex AT funerals with said people.
[/QUOTE]
whoah…the people who’s funeral it IS… or meeting people who subsequently are in need of a funeral… I think the former goes a LITTLE beyond slut…
- Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, The Ethical Slut
[QUOTE=matt_mcl]
- Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, The Ethical Slut
[/QUOTE]
Big surprise. A woman involved in a violent, abusive relationship becomes a big slut out of spite.
[QUOTE=msmith537]
Big surprise. A woman involved in a violent, abusive relationship becomes a big slut out of spite.
[/QUOTE]
Spite or the realization that SHE gets to own her own body?
I went through a “more promiscuous” period after being sexual abused (though probably a long way from anything but the more prudish definitions of slut). It wasn’t about spite, it was about recognizing I controlled my body and I chose who to share it with. Its a normal reclamation process. (Normal not meaning everyone does it - but normal being - yep, no one is surprised by it).
Spite implies I was out to get HIM - no, I was out to remove his power, not give him more.
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas]
What if a guy fucks 10 girls, or 15?
A woman who behaves like a man is a bitch.
A woman who behaves like a man sexually is a slut.
Nobody should use either term unless they use them equally for men and women.
[/QUOTE]
Why? Men and women are not the same. Why should descriptors assume that they are? I view this as just one more mantra of the political correctness.
[QUOTE=enigm4tic]
whoah…the people who’s funeral it IS… or meeting people who subsequently are in need of a funeral… I think the former goes a LITTLE beyond slut…
[/QUOTE]
Hmmmm, well I admit I didn’t think of the first…
(I mean, AT someone’s funeral, with someone else, in case this isn’t a whoosh)
[QUOTE=magellan01]
Why? Men and women are not the same. Why should descriptors assume that they are? I view this as just one more mantra of the political correctness.
[/QUOTE]
They damn well are the same when it comes to making ethical evaluations of their behavior! Or, rather, when that is not the case, I reserve the option of making an ethical evaluation of your process of making ethical evaluations. And the epithet will be considerably worse than “slut”.
Just my two cents.
I am currently going through a divorce. In all my married life, and even the time we were dating, I never slept/had sex with/ kissed another guy.
Even now, being separated from him, I can’t even think of sex with some stranger. It was just him for me for a very long time.
Nope, I wasn’t a virgin when I started dating. Yes, I was exclusive the entire course of my marriage. Even when I was given some (very attractive ) offers.
The fact that my husband is NOW accusing me of sleeping with a mutual friend is a huge WTF? for me. I would have NEVER. Was he really married to me that long and never figured this out about me?
When I say I’m in a relationship, I have a certain code of morals I follow. My behavior before I was married was held to a different standard.
Slut? Nope.
Now? Nope. Not my thing. But between consensual adults, have fun and take notes!
Lola
First time poster, been lurking a long time though.
I am a male and 36, and I have only had 2 sexual partners in my lifetime. And I consider myself a slut. I regret the 2 partners. Once i had lost my virginity, of course it made it easier to rationalize the second partner. I was determined to hold out until marriage but unfortunately I failed. I managed to make it to 30 before I lost my virginity. But I would give anything to get it back.
That being said, I would never call another person a slut, regardless of their number of sexual partners. I think in this life we all have enough to worry about in our own lives without attacking others for what they do.
[QUOTE=TripleTee ]
I am a male and 36, and I have only had 2 sexual partners in my lifetime. And I consider myself a slut. I regret the 2 partners. Once i had lost my virginity, of course it made it easier to rationalize the second partner. I was determined to hold out until marriage but unfortunately I failed. I managed to make it to 30 before I lost my virginity. But I would give anything to get it back.
[/QUOTE]
Well, unfortunately you would not be a slut by any accepted definition of the term. You would be considered “a guy who has some serious hang-ups about sex”.