And not just walls.
What would inanimate objects say if they could talk?
A friend came up with this:
:::solicitor rings doorbell:::
“Hey, don’t touch me there!”
And I thought of:
:::me watching TV:::
TV says, “Quit staring at me!”
I’m sure the brilliant Teeming Millions can come up with better possibilities… 
Toilet
“Hey! Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing, you freak?!?”
Get off of me!
The phone : How come I get engaged so many times!!! When am I going to get married
The computer, “Your touch turns me on.”
The VCR
“Don’t you have anything other than porn tapes?”
As seen on MST3K…Food: BITE ME!!!
Condoms…“You want me to go where?”
Dildo: “It’s dark and hot in there! Eww, why is she licking me?!?”
Couch, when Mr. Rilch is on it: “Oh no…Nooooooo! [gag cough choke] Stop eating onions!”
toilet paper: oh Shit! not again! 
The fireplace, “C’mere baby, let me warm you up.”
the computer:
“No, please no! For god’s sakes I don’t want another Windows upgrade!”
The bed:
“Oh, you two quit whining. I always have to sleep in the wet spot…”
The pool table, “Nice rack!”
[sub]Ok, I can’t believe I said that in a public forum.
Oh yeah, it wasn’t me it was the pool table![/sub]
The SDMB boards,
oh, nooooooo, here comes Handy again.
The mailbox:
“Do I have outgoing mail? Or am I just happy to see you…?”
Monica Lewinsky’s dress:
“Auugghh! Wipe it off! It burns! It burns!!”
Bill Clinton’s Cigar…“Oh no, anywhere but there! No, no NOOOOOOOO!!!”
First light bulb: [bright flash and POP]
Second light bulb: Hey, Kenny just burned out!
Third light bulb: They killed Kenny!
Fourth light bulb: Bastards!