If you are gay, have gay friends, or are good at psychology...please help me!!!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ok…so here goes…not a rant, but an honestly completely confusing dilemma that I am just sure someone here can answer.

Situation:
I am a 21 year old Heterosexual male, I have zero homesexual tendencies, and have never considered or participated in a gay relationship or sexual encounter. There are several factors that set me apart from most men, and I always thought these were good things…

1. I cook, very well, gourmet even, I’ve been to culinary classes. Kicker…I even know which fork is for which item and where it should be placed!!!

2. I wash clothes, correctly, and I am very picky as to detergent, softener, dryer sheets, non-chlorinated color-safe, and chlorinated bleaches. I wash clothes regularly.

3. I know how to decorate, I redecorated my entire house and even the women that come over want to consult my “decorator”…I tell them to ask away! I even picked out proper flooring to match décor :eek:

4. I hate football, detest wrestling, abhor chauvanism, hate non-chivalrous men, am sickened by terrible manners, and can’t stand macho attitudes.

5. I sew…yes, true, machine or by hand, I also know how to crochet(not well) and quilt.

6. I have impeccable vocabulary and speech. I live in Texas but have no southern accent, I work very hard on this and try to refine it always.

7. I have a very soft voice, if I speak quietly on the phone I am oft mistaken for a woman. My dad has the same voice so I doubt this is going away.

8. I roller-blade…yes competitively, I am also a Gengenki(martial art) expert, and I work out 3 days a week. I wear matching jogging suits when blading and in the gym.

9. I will not leave the house unless my hair is done and my belt and shoes match, and my outfit is acceptable for the season and weather. I always match, my clothing taste has been voted excellent by close friends and family. I get labeled a baby-faced pretty boy all the time, that and prep :mad:!

10. I have a very stiff posture. When I walk, I am very stiff and pronounced, my movements are quick, and I am always extremely alert to everyone.

11. I am very emotional to a point. Both good and bad, I am in touch with everything I feel and I express it. I listen to people and I respond to them how I think is appropriate.

12. I am into social activities, clubs, socialite meetings. I network

13. I can relate to a woman very well, most of my friends are female, and my closest male friends always ask for my advice first regarding women and 99% of the time use it successfully. I care about the woman I am with needs above my own, and I follow through on that.

14. I was a good student in school and obeyed the rules, made excellent grades, and was well liked by all.

15. I get along with people years older than me much better than my peers, I relate more to them and always have. As a result I often went to friends houses and ended up in debates with their parents. Mom’s love me!
Point and Dilemma:
All of my young adult and current life, almost everyone I have met; coworkers, friends, family, everyone immediately assumes I am gay!!!
Why??? Society watches movies with Characters like James Bond and finds men with these qualities heroes. I have them and I am gay??? I really don’t get it. Even some of my close friends joke around and make gay jokes, etc. about me. They think its funny and basically insinuate that I’m just in denial!

Are men so backwards now days that if one of them doesn’t want to go out and get sweaty playing football or step outside to a fight he’s suddenly a pansy?

I spent most of my time with my mother, when a child I have always attributed the qualities I have to her…is that abnormal? That she taught me how to be a “real man” and now I am at a disadvantage because these qualities aren’t “normal” for a man…or is it just that society has to put a label on everything???

I am genuinely confused…so what do I say to these people…I’m not gay…I’m not in denial, I have no interest in men…most of them are dicks, pigs, fill in blank____. So? What do you guys think…how do I fight this atrocity that I deal with all the time???
It really does bother me because people associate me with something I’m not and I hate being stereotyped or labelled as anything by anyone!!!

I’m seriously thrown by how to deal with this :frowning:

-SS

Join the “Free SkySlash From His Ego” Movement Today!!! Visit your local chapter office for details!

2

You have Jerry Seinfeld syndrome: You’re clean and neat and unattached so you must be gay! :smiley:

If it bothers you that much you can have sex with me and I’ll spread it around. That should clear things up. :wink:

(Did I say that in my out loud voice???)

“That’s impossible! Cartman doesn’t know a rainforest from a Pop-Tart!”
“Yes I do! Pop-Tarts are frosted!”

3

My advice is to come out of the closet, start listening to show tunes and buy some track lighting. :wink:

4

You’re gay.

I’m kidding!

I think there are three groups of people who I’d be concerned about if I were you: People I know but am not interested in romantically (family and friends); people I might be interested in romantically (for you, eligible girls); and people I don’t know. For the first group, just tell them that it bugs you for them to insinuate or tease you about being gay when you’re not. They’ll either respect that and stop or they won’t, in which case you’ll have to take that into account in your dealings with them. In the end, you can just ignore the comments if you have to. The third is the easiest – who gives a shit what a total stranger might think? As far as girls are concerned, if you are attentive and honest in your approach, a woman will quickly discover that you’re not gay – because if you were, you wouldn’t be asking her out. A lot of women would consider a man who is stereotypically “gay” but yet sexually straight to be damn close to the perfect man.

I do wonder, though, why you care so much what people think of you. Some people suspect you might be gay? So what? You’re not responsible for their erroneous suppositions, and it shouldn’t make any difference anyway.

Jodi

Fiat Justitia

5

People have a natural tendency to stereotype. :frowning:

Fuck 'em.

You don’t fit the mold of the “typical” straight guy? So what? Most people aren’t normal. Don’t worry about what the herd thinks (to use that term loosly).

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

6

I can understand why this is a problem for you. It must get terribly frustrating, and I would imagine you must really question yourself during quiet moments.

You don’t sound odd to me. You’re certainly not the only straight man capable of doing laundry, cooking or having an awareness of aesthetics. You sound like an interesting, capable, well-rounded person, who’s not hung up on traditional masculine roles—which is not unusual, it’s just unusual for your age.

As you grow older, all this will become less and less of an issue—to you and, most importantly for your frustration levels, to others. That’s probably not much comfort right now, though, is it?

To answer your questions, I don’t think you are abnormal, and given time, I think you’ll agree with that. As for how to battle such assumptions…well, that is difficult. Those who are secure in their own gender roles are less likely to question yours. Those who are insecure are more likely to make your life difficult.

I wish I had some advice. Try to accept yourself. Appreciate yourself. Live well.

7

You’re straight if you want to have sex with women. You’re gay if you want to have sex with men. You’re bisexual if you want to have sex with both. Those are the only defining characteristics.

Quit hanging around with people who think any of the things you list have anything to do with your sexual orientation. Move to another city if necessary. Those people are jerks.

8

I too exhibit many of the traits you claim,
And I am certainly not gay.

I don’t know what to tell you except they’re uncouth. Don’t take it personally.

VB

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

9

I know where you’re coming from. About half the items you listed apply to me too. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to clear up what gender I am over the phone. And I picked out the china pattern when I got married. Here’s a fer ideas…

  1. Get married yourself. Not and ideal solution in all situation.

  2. Stop caring what other people think. Hard, I know, but works well for those you don’t care about. I’ve always felt like this.

  3. For your close friends - talk to them. If you express your emotions like you say, then let thenm know how you feel. Also, don’t be afraid to express your attraction to women. Saying “Boy she’s cute.” need not be piggish.

  4. What works best for me? I’m a slob. That goes a long way.

And remember, there’s lots of us like you out there. We know.

“My mind reels with sarcastic replies!” - Snoopy

10

As far I’m concerned, none of that shit makes you gay.
It might make you less “macho”, but you say that you don’t like macho attitudes, so who cares? As long as you are happy and secure with who you are then fine!

Check this out:
I have formulated a gay test, to tell if you’re gay. This is the male version, so take this test and it should settle all doubts and you can show your friends and such that you are officially not gay.
Gay Test, by Santi.

Question 1) Do you like to have sex with men?

Yes: You’re gay.

No: You’re not gay.

This concludes the Gay Test, thank you and enjoy your results.

“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”

11

Hea Santi,

is there a prep course for this test? How about a study guide. I want to be sure to get a passing grade. Oh, wait…

“Bones, help that man!” – “Damnit Jim, I’m a doctor not a doc…I’ll get right on it.”

12

There is a phenomenon known as the gay-straight guy (acts gay but is straight). Then there is the converse (or mabye its contrapositive?) the straight-gay guy. A guy that acts straight but is gay.

*You could wear a shirt that says, “im not gay.”

13

Become friends with women while they think you’re gay. While your friendship is developing, they will not feel threatened by the “guy/girl” dynamic. Then, after you’ve become friends with someone you’re interested in, drop a few lines about old girlfriends, etc, give her a few days to digest it, and then ask her out. Be really great in bed and then you’re dilemma is solved. She’ll probably either try to marry you or go back and tell all her girlfriends how great you were. Either way, the word will get around.

14

SkySlash,
Sounds to me like you’re just trying to pick up women here. “Oh, poor me, I’ve got such great manners, and my clothes always match, everybody thinks I must be gay…”

Yeah, sure :rolleyes:. We know that’s just a ruse so you can pick up women. You don’t fool me.

Honestly, I just don’t understand why people jump to conclusions about someone’s sexual orientation over such little things. There have been a couple times that I’ve been hit on by other men (which I only noticed later when it was pointed out to me by others). I just figure that whoever does it must simply have good taste, regardless of their gender. I try to take everything as a compliment if at all possible, so everything feeds my massive ego.

15

Another straight characteristic: We don’t give a bleep what people’s opinions of our sexuality are.

16

Silo states:

Yep. That’s me. Most people think I’m straight. Some people persist in thinking I’m straight even after I’ve made it abundantly clear that I’m gay, dammit!

I don’t let it bother me. After all, if you know what your orientation is, and your significant other (if applicable) knows, what’s the problem? Live your life according to your own principles.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

17

What they said…

Labelling of “gay” behavior and looks seems to be very common, esp. in Texas. A man doing anything remotely considered feminine seems to scare everyone around him. "Oh my god, he’s doing something feminine, he might be gay, he might think I’mgay! Aack! :eek: I’ll accuse him of being gay - that way, if he isn’t, he’ll know that what he is doing is just not done. If he is gay, he’ll know I’m not and not do something thing horrid like make a pass at me. Phew!
:rolleyes:

SkySlash - I have a solution for you!

What I suggest is that we have a torrid love affair - every man needs to have one affair with an older woman and I’m definitely older than you. I’m also a lot closer than VogueVixen - I live in Euless! Also, as you may have picked up by now, I’m a belly dancer. So, whenever you get accused of being gay, you just whip out a picture of me in costume and tell them about your torrid love affair with the belly dancer. Believe me, no one will accuse you of being gay after seeing a picture of you with me.

So, what do you say? :smiley: :smiley:

I do not merely dance. I bewitch. I seduce. I enchant and I bewilder. Throw money.
(Gee, Wally must have seen me dance!)

18

I don’t have a problem… I’m not rude or brutish…

I don’t have a soft voice… but i have good posture… i can cook do laundry, sew… maybe i’m MORE rounded… because I can work on my car… :slight_smile:

I’m in judo, and stuff so that may play a part. have you ever been with a woman that they can see??
anyway… no ones ever seen me as gay… maybe grow a mustache??
blah i’m all over i can’t concentrate…

19

In the prison where I work the cons ain’t too bright.
Anyone wearing glasses is considered to be gay.
There seems to be a high incidence of bumping into things ,bad shaving cuts,and wearing of non-matching socks too!

Do not wait for the last judgement-It takes place every day
CAMUS-The Fall

20

I just took the gay test, and hey, I’m gay! hahaha!!
:wink:
A girl