That’s exactly what I thought when I first saw this thread.
I can’t take credit for this one, but I love it anyway:
“Embarassing photos of you will surface on the internet.”
…what would I say???
“Sorry, please try again.”
That lump is cancer.
Oof, I hope not 
They are of course not all bad people, but their culture has been so brutalized by hardship and constant lies it’s hard for outsiders to deal with many of them
A man I talked to that negotiated with some government officials of theirs said he was repeatedly told to “Rot in hell” when he called them up. I believe the deal was they were getting a whole bunch of free food.
Sorry about the hijack, I hereby declare it dead 
— G. Raven
Damnit, I wanted to say “Eat Me!!”
Fine, I can say, “BITE ME!!”
Oh how bout this…
“Go ahead. Have sex with the cute girl winking at you at the other table. Go on, leave me alone to rot away in this pathetic little restaurant. Go on, go. I don’t care. I’m not so sad that I’ve formed a bond with the guy who’s about to eat me.” 
“Don’t eat lead”
“Warning: Do not eat”
I really got that one. Had no idea what to do…
“Preview is your friend”…
The actual one I got was “smile when you’re ready”.
WTF??!
“Hope you enjoyed your meal, Mr. Bond.”
“That looks infected.”
I just can’t leave this alone.
My favorite fortune cookie of all time was, “What causes the apple to fall from the tree?”
It’s not a fortune, it’s a physics problem!
Actually, I guess it’s a Zen koan. It has generated more meditative thought on my part than most things you find in a cookie, including milk chocolate chunks–and that’s saying something.
If you find a Handspring Visor in Houston, TX with that fortune tucked in the case, email me. My new Handspring has my name and address in the case, instead of a stupid fortune.
Anyway, my new fortune is:
Anything ever said by a Vorlon.
If I were a fortune cookie, I wouldn’t say anything at all. But I would have a phrase or two typed on my intestines.
They might read:
*Is it just me, or does everyone know you’re gay?
*That chewy part was a finger nail.
*Don’t pee straight down on a flat rock
“You will read a fortune cookie now.”
“You will attempt to stop a chainsaw with your genatials in the near future.”
“You won’t make it out the door”
The worst fortune cookie fortune I ever got said the following:
“You would make a good lawyer”
Honest!
Fuck.
Short, sweet and simple. And incredibly amusing. I’d fucking wet my pants if I got one that said that in it!