So if you were a fortune cookie - what would YOU say?*
The new year will bring many opportunities. Do not forget, you shall reap what you sow…
…in bed.
I’m glad i’m not the only one who adds that little chunk of perverted wisdom to the end of my fortunes.
“2nd chance draw”
My fav:
“You will have a great future in the field of medical research.”
Second verse same as the first:
“That wasn’t chicken”
“Inspected by number 32.”
That’s what my fortune pants always say.
I like to think I’d say something deep like, “The map is not the territory,” but in reality, it would probably be something like, “Shake that ass. No! Like you fucking mean it!”
The chef spit in your food.
“Wise men don’t shut car doors with no pants on.”
Mine would say, and I quote:
I think I’ll edit that. i’ve read it and think
“Wise men with no pants on do not shut car doors.”
sigh, although how wise is a man with no pants? …
I’ll try again
‘Naken men should not shut doors too quickly.’
If I were a cookie I’d say…
Erratum, previous cookie was wrong.
Listen closely…hear that scared meowing noise? Yep, thaaaat’s right.
Duck…NOW!!!
“EAT ME!”
DAMN! DRY beat me to it.
How about,
or
Smart-assed skeptic, Monkey Man will make you believe.
I think the Simpsons had the best fortune cookie joke of all time:
Marge: We really shouldn’t have gotten those North Korean fortune cookies you know: “You are a coward!” “Have shame!”, I mean, no one wants to hear that after a nice meal…
Hey, they’re my neighbours, I can make fun of 'em 
— G. Raven
p.s. and if you have any experience with North Koreans it’s at least a hundred times as funny!
“You will die alone and unloved.”
or
“Help! I’m being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!”
[hijack]
My experience with North Koreans is limited to the family of 4 that lived downstairs from me 10 years or so ago. Daddy, Mommy, 2 kids under 5.
Never heard anything from downstairs but the following, sometimes 5 or 6 times a day:
I still wonder if what I think happened really happened.
Sorry. That was just an incredible downer.
How about:
Nice. Wonder how many will get that one. I think I would say “The next sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.” I think I would help spur after-dinner conversation.