If you were a superhero...

In My Humble Opinion
1

…what would be your powers, your limitations (these two are especially fun if you can relate them to your “day job”), what would your costume look like and what would you be called?

My hubby George and I had this conversation after seeing “Unbreakable” yesterday, and here’s what we’ve come up with. Feel free to play along!

For me…

NAME: The Freque (short for “frequency,” pronounced “freak”).

HOW ONE BECOMES A SUPERHERO: Mild mannered college librarian, Patty Marvel (who is NOT related to the Captain), is also a volunteer DJ at the campus radio station. She was hosting a program one evening called “The Freque Show,” specializing in punk and other non-mainstream music, when a bolt of lightening hit the station’s brand new antenna. This, combined with the other weird workings of this research-heavy campus, turned her into THE FREQUE!

SPECIAL POWERS: Has the ability to throw, muffle and generally manipulate sound waves like no mere mortal can. Also carries a super-powerful tuning fork and a utility kit disguised as a portable CD player, which includes disks that can be used like Xena’s chacrom. (sp?)

LIMITATIONS: Can only throw radio waves for up to 25 miles and they can be interfered with by other specially-tuned radio waves.

COSTUME: I have to go with purple 'cuz it’s my favorite color, but I think I’d wear cotton rather than spandex - too unflattering a fabric.

For my husband:

NAME: The Alchemist

HOW ONE BECOMES A SUPERHERO: He was working late one night in a campus chemistry laboratory when the same lightening bolt that created The Freque creates him, along with a few other superheroes and some baddies!

SPECIAL POWERS: Can change objects, gases, whatever into something else. This is mostly used as a defensive power, such as turning the air in front of him into brick to fend off oncoming bullets. He can also kick some butt in a Jackie-Chan-in-a-barroom-brawl kind of way.

LIMITATIONS: We’re still working on this one.

COSTUME: A black duster coat just 'cuz my hubby always wanted one.

So who else wants to be a hero?

SHAZAM!
Patty

2

Well, I want superpowers, but I’d rather be a villain - they have all the fun. I’m not exactly sure what powers I’d like or end up with, but as per the DC school of super-villain creation, I’ll be a scientist experimenting with human pheromones, viagra, and Tom Cruise DNA. I’ll have them bubbling in a huge industrial-size vat, which I’ll sit alongside, and somehow piss off Batman so he’ll knock me into it. (I’m not sure, but I think you need to actually be knocked into toxic chemicals by a superhero - it really seems to help if it’s Batman - for any powers to manifest.)

And I would’ve named myself the freak, if that name wasn’t already taken - albeit phonetically. :slight_smile:

3

If I were a superhero I would either have the power to control other people’s minds absolutely with the limitation that I could neither cause or prevent violence to others. I would still be able to get really good deals on cars and I would save a lot of money haggling.

or

I would have the power to control other people’s bowell movements. Say I rob a bank or something and I have all these police chasing me, then WHAM! one look in the rear view mirror and a slight wink and all the police cars have to pull over thus enabling me to escape. And if I was caught anyone who testifies against me is going to regret it.

4

hehe this is a pretty neat thread. well for me being formed a superhero that is simple. i’m sitting at my job as a Computer Lab assistant when a surge of electricity hits the lab exploding everything infecting me with the knowledge of all the computers and the ability to control them mentally. i’d also be able to check my e-mail in my head! as for limitations that is simple they are windows NT so about every 20-25 minutes I have to log myself off then log back on only to have myself freeze in another 20 minutes or so. my costume would be a mouse that covers only my genital area. hmm i need a good superhero name how about something like PC Card Guy or USB Man. I definately know who my enemy is though it’s the dreaded… BILL GATES!!! AHHHH!!!

5

What do you mean if?

6

Here’s a fun link along these lines. It’s a hero generator:

http://fly.hiwaay.net/~lkseitz/comics/herogen/

7

Okay, this isn’t based on “me”, but this character has one of my favorite super-hero origin stories of all time:
NAME: JET MAN!

ORIGIN: He was an ordinary airline pilot until, one day, he accidentally swallowed a jet engine! (It was a really small jet engine, you see.) The surgeons had a choice: They could either remove the engine from his stomach, or … <drum roll> … they could integrate it into his body, add a fuel tank and some control systems, and make him into … JET MAN!

POWERS: In addition to being able to fly under his own power, Jet Man typically wears a heads-up display showing an altimeter, airspeed indicator, radio-beacon direction and rangefinder, etc… He is also the ONLY flying superhero to be certified airworthy by the F.A.A. and who makes a point of abiding by all FAA regulations (e.g. no flying lower than 1000 feet over a city, no flying into the airspace near an airport without contacting the control tower first, no flying into clouds without an Instrument Clearance, etc., etc.).

LIMITATIONS: (1) The jet engine’s exhaust nozzle points straight downward between his legs, in the place where female genitalia would be if he were a woman. Consequently, he has to wear asbestos pants to keep from burning his thighs. It’s also rather embarrassing to have to keep explaining what that thingy is that’s hanging down between his legs.
(2) A jet engine consumes an enormous amount of jet fuel. His fuel tank can only hold about 10-20 gallons of fuel, meaning he can’t stay airborne indefinitely without refuelling. And since he doesn’t have wings, he can’t “glide” to safety if he runs out of fuel while airborne. No one has yet volunteered to be his Trusty Sidekick, Trampoline-Carrying Man.
(3) His mouth serves as the air intake. Whenever his jet engine is on, he can’t speak normally and must keep his mouth wide open. (He uses a special pick-up mike over his Adam’s apple to communicate with air traffic controllers.)

COSTUME: World War 1 leather flight cap and scarf, with the goggles displaying his heads-up instrument panel. Shiny silver-lamé heat-resistant pants. Leather flight jacket with a conspicuous circular lid over one pocket, which covers the filler pipe to his jet fuel tank and bears the warning label “JET A ONLY”. Sometimes wears a T-shirt underneath his flight jacket with a big “JM” emblazoned on its chest.

8

Oh, one more thing about Jet Man:

When he flies, he sticks his arms straight out, like wings. They don’t actually provide any lift, but he can hold his hands out at different angles to steer.

9

Oh boy…

If I were to come up with one, it’d be creative…

BUt I don’t think I could hold a candle to those that showed up above for pure wierd ingenuity.

I bow out.

10

And of course, none of our creations could ever hope to hold a candle to TURKEY VOLUME GUESSING MAN from that one episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

11

That’s easy.

I’d be WitMan!

Can have the last word in any repartee!

Can reduce even the most iron skinned to tears of joy or anguish in a few sentences!

Can talk more shit than a whole one hour def comedy jam!

Can generate hilarious or scathing retorts in less than 1 nanosecond!

In other words, I’d be the mutant recombinant DNA offspring of WallyM7, ValerieBlaise, Byzantine, Neuro-Trash Grrl and Flypsyde.

Yeah, baby- That would rule.

12

Powers: Sorcery and Dirty Tricks
Limitations: Magic is harder than you think. Also its hard to find real occult supplies in this day and age.
Arch-Enemies: The New Ager and Witch Hunter
MO: Send curses against the wicked, take their money, live it up with hot chicks until the money runs out and proccess must be repeated.

13

Lexicon wrote:

You sure that wouldn’t make you “Man-who-talks-too-much Man”?

<ducking and running>

14

NAME: I don’t know.

SPECIAL POWERS: Invisibility.

HOW ONE BECOMES A SUPERHERO: The only superhero to have not become a superhero accidentally. This guy actually made an invisibility device.

LIMITATIONS: The invisibility works by bending the light photons around his body. Result? No light enters his eyes, and therefore he has to do everything blindly. Kind of defeats the purpose of invisibility, but this guy could sneak into a safe hidey hole without being seen, and then become visible again. He could also evade motion detectors (including laser-sensitive detectors, probably.)

COSTUME: Umm, he’s invisible. He likes to wear tight spandex, but that has nothing to do with being a superhero.

15

I like the Invisible Boy from Mystery Men. He was invisible only when nobody was looking at him.

16

(Ta-DAAAAA!) The Wordsmith!

POWER: The ability to make people say anything he wants.

ORIGIN: Was listening to a Dale Carnegie tape when lightning struck the tape deck, flowing an enormous power surge into him.

LIMITATIONS: Can not compel people to actually lie.

USE: Excellent for getting criminals to confess. Has been able to get car dealers to reveal the actual lowest price, but it’s a tremendous strain on his power.

COSTUME: A business suit decorated with parts of speech.v(Spandex is just so last century.)

17

I take it no one here has ever played the superhero role-playing game Villains & Vigilantes? When you create a character for V&V, you start by estimating your own attributes, as-is. Then, you roll for powers and enhancements.

The character I created way back when I played was called Spectre. Main powers: non-corporealness (making oneself insubstantial, walking through walls, that kinda thing) and wings (which, thanks to a cool trick of the dice, allowed him to reach over 1100 MPH in the atmosphere). Non-corporealness is definitely a must-have power; it’s so versatile!

18

Geez. Lotta people getting struck by lightning around here. I’d better leave before…

ZORCH!!!

Damn! Now I’m feeling all angsty.

Let me know when there’s 113 of us. Then I’ll have some work to do.

:: Ominous Music ::

19

Not according to a person I was discussing the X-Men with on a NG.

I and one other poster were talking about how glad we were that Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) and Kurt Wagner (Nightcrawler) were in the new X-Men cartoon.

A 3rd chimed in that both Kitty and Kurt’s powers were useless. (Kitty’s non-corporeal, Kurt teleports.) 'Course he never did argue when we explained how they were useful, so maybe he realised that he was wrong.

20

I would be Bagel Boy, go-fer extrordinaire.
Able to get the hottest bagels with best variety of schmeers in the the city. Plus always fast and with the best coffee to go with.

My “kryptonite” is spotting a slug in amongst the change, which makes me lose my grip and spill everything down the sewer.

That makes my nemesis “Slug Boy”, who is constantly disguising himself as a Deli clerk to hand me false change.