If you were in the Guiness Book of World Records, what would it be for?

[picker]

Shortest Attenti

[squeegee]

Instant classic, picker.

[iampunha]

Naked thread-running.

::runs nekkid through thread::

[klintypooh]

@ninetypercent

Once, I drank 32 beer in less than 24 hours.

No chance you’re gonna get in for that, especially when Andre the Giant once drank 110 beers.

Linkypooh

[Dead_Cat]

Best croquet player in the world! Not just now, but eventually, I hope. I know, I know, but at least it’s outdoors . Also, it’s almost certainly not what you think it is.

[Moonchild]

Most times going back on my word to stop surfing internet porn.

Most times going back on my word to stop masturbating.

Most diving catches by a softball player.

Longest time between starting and finishing the same screenplay without actually giving up on it (we’re at 10 years and counting – but it’s getting REALLY good!).

[Sublight]

Marrying people.

I’ve done about 500 couples so far. I know that’s probably nowhere near the record (even not counting Rev. Moon and his mass weddings), but it puts me in the lead at my agency.

[Caricci]

@Fern Forest

I used to have that. I was a shut in for all but an hour or two a week. Damn work! I doubt I’ll ever be able to play 38 straight of final fantasy again. Sigh.

But now I have the World’s Oldest Answering Machine Greeting. It’s 10.5 years old. Ok maybe not the world’s oldest but I doubt any dopers can beat it.

Maybe no dopers can, but my in-laws probably could have until recently. My husband was still on their machine until this year. I am not sure exactly how long they had that greeting, but it was more than 14 years.

[Trunk]

Haiest percentedge off mispelled werds inn won poost.

[grimpixie]

I was actually in the book for a little while - the university campus where my Dad was studying for his Masters held the Human Dominoes Record - I was number 28 in the line…

Grim

[Rufus_Xavier]

When I was 16, I decided I wanted to set the record for most cigarettes smoked at one time. Well, I was only able to fit 15 in my mouth, so I was at least 90 short of the record. I smoked 'em all down to the butts, though. cough cough hack wheeze

[Incubus]

Loudest belch.

A couple of months ago I was in the bathroom taking a dump (of all things ) when I just unleashed this collosal burp which was not only earsplittingly loud it also lasted a long time, like 5 seconds. I swear it was like putting your ear next to those basketball buzzers and letting the thing buzz for 5 seconds straight. It literally made the medicine cabinet rattle :eek:

Too bad nobody else was in the house to hear it though My best one so far.

[Lynder]

For talking non stop about nothing…