If your pet ran for office...

…what would its main platform consist of?

My dog Tilly would most likely run under the National Socialist Party on a strict “lock up all the squirrels and cats in the world and ship them away to Siberia” platform. Neighboring dogs would be dealt with on a dog-by-dog basis.

  1. Complete squirrel eradication.
  2. 100% feline eradication.
  3. More walks for everyone!
  4. All couches shall be equipped with overstuffed arm rests and humans at all times.

My rat terrier Jake’s major positions would be:

  1. People food for all!
  2. Younger human siblings should be adopted out
  3. All fence heights less than 2 ft (5 ft scratches my belly)
  4. Squirrels should be allowed to stay but master Baracus should stop warning them before letting me out

Daisy would run on the “oh boy” platform.

“You voted for me? Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!”

:dubious: My dog loves cats & squirrels. It’s fun to chase things.

I think our cat Annie would be a member of the Feline Overlord party. Before you say, “Well, I for one welcome our new Feline Overlords,” understand her platform.

Items on her platform would include plenty of cat food and water to be available at all times, and litter boxes to be cleaned hourly. A human should be awake 24 hours to make sure of both. Cats, and not humans, would have first dibs on the most comfortable easy chairs in which to nap. In addition, her economic stimulus program would consist of encouraging increased construction of birdfeeders and birdhouses, which, when hung within view of a window, would provide cats with endless hours of entertainment.

Assuming our other cats woke up from naps long enough to get to the voting booth, I think she would get plenty of votes. It worries me a little…

Spoons - And how is that different than Annie’s everyday life?

Let’s see…Maggie the Standard Poodle would have the “Human stays at home all the time” platform. No more being left! YAY!

Paddy the English Setter would have the “All People Food All the Time” platform. Pretty self-explanatory. A chicken in every pot, indeed!

Jake the Doberman would have the “Sunny Spot in the Yard” platform, ensuring that all dogs (and probably cats - he’s generous that way) would have a warm sunny spot from which to dictate his whims.

Lucy the Wolfhound Mix would have the “Wiggles” platform. Anything that causes her to wiggle is what every dog needs. Dead groundhog? Wiggle! Walk the pasture fenceline? Wiggle! Belly scritches? Wiggle!!

Grace the Doberman would ensure that all canines have a roof over their head and a comfy bed. Staying outside is purely for animals.

Wolf the Malamute would have the “My Way” platform. He’s very easygoing, as long as things are his way. (Actually he’s just grateful fo reverything, having spent his life as a neglected barn dog.)

Papi the Siamese would have the “All Dogs” platform. As the bringer of the food, I could stay. All other people and felines would be banished to Outer Mongolia. Her court would be made up of fawning dogs.

Sabrina the Siamese would have the “Warm Lap” platform. 100% access to a warm lap all the time.

Nick the Balck and White cat would have the “Ratter’s Platform” from whence he’d deal terror and death to all rodents. Think Pol Pot.

Spike the Grey Cat would rule over the dresser that catfood sits on, allowing other felines to eat only when he allowed it. Books would be allowed for the human only so he could walk in front of it.


I always say that if one of our cats were president, he’d be Thomas Flufferson. As president, he would require that only one cat be allowed per household, so that the First Cat would get all the attention. No kittens allowed! He would also mandate that—while it is all right for humans to watch television, since it does not interfere with snuggling—humans should not—under any circumstances—be allowed to read. Any human caught reading should be stopped immediately by the cat of the household, who should lie upon the book in protest.

If my Beagle ran for office he’d probably run with something like “If elected for office, I’ll resolve conflicts by letting you pet me.” He’s getting old, deaf and lazy so I don’t know how well he’ll do.

Buddy the Beagle’s platform:

  1. Subsidized poultry!
  2. Mandated daily walks
  3. Baths would be banned


Kitty K will fight for:
A Strong Claw Defense
More Books - not in schools, silly, for kitties to sit on
A Cat’s Right to Choose - tonight’s flavor of Fancy Feast
Three tummy pets and YOU’RE OUT!

Well, I guess you have to understand Annie. Two days’ worth of food in the food bowls isn’t enough. She is not at all shy about waking us up at odd hours because she thinks there isn’t enough food in her bowl; when they are brimming and overflowing.

The litter box is cleaned daily, but she seems to want it cleaned much more often. We do nudge her out of the easy chairs–she eventually gives way, but not before giving a haughty sniff and walking away, obviously peeved. You just get the idea that if she was in charge, things would be much different.

Clark will run on the “Pay attention to Clark” platform. The highlights of his plan for a better America:
*Everyone spends as much time as possible playing with Clark.
*Twice-daily walks are not factored into playtime.
*At least sixty percent of playtime must be dedicated to playing fetch, and fifty percent of that must be spent in some body of water.
*Time not spent playing, walking and eating will be spent sleeping.

Tikva would run on the “Stop scaring me!” platform.

-Loud noises would be strictly prohibited.

-A “comfort place” must be established for every cat. This would function as a nap bed/hiding place. It would be a major crime to disturb a cat in her comfort place.

-My dad would be outlawed under general principles, as well as any other peson who insisted on chasing her, poking her, disturbing her, and calling her “Tickles”. (Yeah, it’s complicated).

WTF people? Where are pictures? Isn’t there a rule or something? I am looking mainly at you, StGermain – you cannot have a malamute named wolf without pictures. Nope, not acceptable!

As for my boys, well Chilithe 4 year old chihuahua would run on the “get off my lawn” platform:
[li]No one – human or animal – is allowed on his property (or any other dog’s) without the sole written permission of the biggest (and by that we mean biggest according to the dog) dog at the house. In our house, that is Chili.[/li][li]Bones, yummy raw meat and cookies must be dispensed more than the prescribed twice per day.[/li][li]Young dogs may not be allowed to think that just because they are physically larger than himself, that they are in fact bigger – they are not.[/li][li]All people everywhere must love on him for no less than 5 hours non-stop per day. Days will be lengthened accordingly.[/li][/ul]

Udo, the 5 month old wolf will run on the OHMYGODILOVEYOUANDTHATSMELLSGOODANDLEMMEHAVEABITEANDSCRATCHMUHBELLEHOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD platform, AKA the I may be big, and a wolf, but I’m not bad platform.
[li]Just like big brother, he agrees that yummy bones, raw meat and cookies should be dispensed at all time every day, or at least whenever he is awake.[/li][li]all plastic bottles, leather shoes (especially Steve Maddens), cats, and wood for the stove is to be left un-bitter-appled for him to chew on as he sees fit. He supposes other dogs should be allowed the same privilege.[/li][li]Again, like his big brother, he agrees that all people everywhere must spend no less than 5 hours per day praising him and loving on him.[/li][li]His mommy gets whatever she wants, so long as she gets to take him everywhere with her all the time.[/li][/ul]

Anthony the Hamster, gone about 30+ years now, but not forgotten:

  1. Eat in one corner, sleep in another, poop in another. Do not confuse any of these corners.

  2. Clean weekly. (Actually, he had us do it, but I’m sure he would have if he had the ability.)

  3. Exercise daily.

  4. Make friends & be nice.

  5. Get foot ticklings as often as possible.

  6. If when you get foot ticklings, you decide to fellate yourself, expect to be sat down & left to yourself until finished.

  7. When you chase the dog & he kicks your hamster ball, leave him alone for a while.

Litoris - In the attached post are links to pics of 5 of my dogs. I haven’t added any pics of Lucy yet.

My dogs


Dolly would run on a platform that is truly bi-partisan. She wants everyone in the world to love her.

Well, except other animals. She doesn’t choose to associate with them. They can all go to hell as far as she’s concerned.

Whatever the People want, they can have it. As long as it includes her. And swimming. And r-i-d-e-s.

Lightning would run as a dictator. His platform would be:

  1. Other cats entering his territory will be executed.
  2. Cat food available at all time.
  3. Water fountains in each room.
  4. Radiators on at all time, and windows left open.
  5. Cat door always open.

Joe (no picture to hand) has a strong foriegn policy based on two concerns;

1.) Complete isolationism, we will peep out over our borders to see if the rest of the world (or the garden) is still there, then retreat back to our basket. Homeland.
2.) Our military will remain intact, but will only respond to threats if a larger military comes out to scare away that other cat first.

Most of these platforms sound a lot better than what we’ve gotten from human leaders in the past few years.