I admit it. I think it’s funny. Do I want to explain it to my kids? Maybe in a few years. Fortunately they’re still young enough that they think sex is a weird icky grown up thing. 
Actually, I think they have plenty of fucks left to give. 
Enjoy!
Or, “If my sun-roof’s open, You Better Like Sucking Raw Eggs, Asshole!”
In my experience, that person will then drive right up to the next person, whether they’re 50 feet or 300 feet in front of you and tailgate them for no reason at all since there isn’t any thing keeping them passing them. After a few minutes, they’ll go around them and find another person to do it to.
For some people, it doesn’t seem to matter if you’re going going the speed limit, a little under or well over, they’re going to drive 8 feet off your bumper and act like you’re the asshole.
I’ve found that slowing down will get them to go around me sooner rather than later. Go ahead, flash your lights, flip me off, whatever, but if we’re going 60 in a 50 and there’s no cars on either side of me, you got no reason to be that close and I have no problem taking my foot of the gas. IME, once I’ve slowed down enough they’ll go screaming around me and find someone else to do the exact same thing to.
My favorite from the first page of the CafePress page is, “Please don’t ride my ass. I prefer missionary position.”
I saw a funny bumper sticker the other day, totally clean, that said, “You just wasted five seconds.”
Sometimes the tailgater is using you as a sort of substitute cruise control, figuring your speed is optimal and they’ll match it while riding your tail. Once you start slowing down, it can take a surprisingly long time for them to realize you’re both approaching or even under the speed limit. Eventually their two remaining synapses kick in, they pull out and pass, and by the time you get back up to highway speed, they’re way the hell out in front and quickly disappear from sight.
It is one of life’s mysteries. :dubious:
Way back in hte mid 90s I worked a funky shift, I got off work about 3 am and had a 50 mile drive where the last half was on Rt 6/66 from just south of Manchester through Willimantic and a bit past. Honestly, I like a long commute in hte middle of the night, it can be quite peaceful and I was working my way through around a thousand hours of audiobooks.
So the state cops have a deal where they pair a rookie with an experienced statie for the first weeks or month, so as I am happily wandering home at 3 am, I hit Coventry and am doing 40 in a 45 zone. A car comes up and is riding my ass, trying to push me to go faster. SO I downshift out of 4th into 3d and then into second and I am finally crawling at about 15 miles an hour when the bright flashy lights come on. I do the usual and dig out my registration, my insurance card and my concealed carry permit and lock my sidearm in the glove box. Hand them off to the baby statie and notice an older statie standing back and watching. Baby statie starts giving me a ration of shit about slowing down and am I drunk - I point out that I am armed and on my way home from work and that I was slowing down because I was being tailgated and was trying to maintain a safe distance for the guy behind me …snicker thinking or piss them off enough that they would pass anywhere it was safe to. I also pointed out that as the max speed was 45, it was not a limited access highway so it didn’t actually have a minimum speed [limited access in CT is 15 miles per hour under the max speed limit] and that if whomever was behind me was in that much of a hurry they could have passed me instead of tailgating me. The older statie finally broke in and told the guy that I was right, he had been tailgating me and it was wrong to try and force me to break the speed limit … and I got waved on …
I may or may not put the pull my hair bumpersticker on - I did have one on a previous car that in fancy script said 'Go reproduce thyself" =) I did take a ration of shit from my dad and mom about it, but I pointed out that I bought and paid for the car myself and it was up to me what I wanted to stick on it.
My favorite bumper sticker, and probably the only one I would ever put on my car, says, “OPINIONS!!”
Personally I like it. But then again, the most favorite I ever saw was on the far right side of the bumper and said UCK. It wasn’t until the next mile that I noticed the F on the far left side.
If I’m being tailgated, I like to wash my windshield. Turn on the wipers and hit the squirt button. Quite a bit of the dirty liquid will blow onto the windshield of the tailgating car.
The instant I see that they’ve had to turn on their wipers is incredibly satisfying.
Not bad. I’ve been using the slow down one myself, if I’m already in the right lane. Will have to try the wipers.
Slogan Power! Slogan Power!
I’m the type of person that doesn’t react at all to other drivers bad behaviors. You can squirt me with wiper fluid, my rainX will help me see cause I’m not flipping my wipers on. You can ride my ass and I’ll put my car on cruise and ignore you. Flip me off…I don’t care. Force black smoke on my car, I just flip the vent off as my windows are always up anyway. I never do anything that would even glint them with any kind of satisfaction.
Someone with a different sense of humor than you obviously. Humor is not an all inclusive thing for everyone ya know.
Taiwan has the worst tailgaters of anywhere I’ve even driven. The express road will be jam packed and some ass thinks that if they get right up your ass then it will save them some time, somehow despite the fact that the car two seconds ahead of you is going exactly the same speed, as well as the person beside you.
They get so damn close that they wouldn’t even be able to see the bumper sticker.
I’ve seen far, far worse ones. In the mid-90s, in Central Illinois, I saw a pickup truck with the bumper sticker “If we knew it’d be this much trouble, we’d have picked the damn cotton ourselves.”
Actually, holy cow, just doing a search on this board, there is someone else who has seen the sticker, back in 2006. If you look down to Swan’s post, it’s got the wording I remember.
Someone I knew many many years ago was driving a bigger (Suburban? Tahoe?) SUV. Now, this was in a residential subdivision with a 25mph limit. She’s driving around, minding her own businesses and gets pulled over. After a few minutes, the officer comes to her window and when she asks what she did wrong, he informs her that she didn’t actually do anything wrong, he wasn’t pulling her over, he was pulling over the car behind her for tailgating. Turns out he was driving so close to her that she didn’t even know he was there.
Sounds like she drives totally oblivious. No one can stay so consistently close or inline to not show in a mirror.
Unless the tailgater ran every stop sign, she would have seen them coming up from behind to resume position. Shadows are also a possible giveaway (depending on conditions).
A combination of a big car in the front, a small car in the back and a new driver (she was probably 16 at the time) tend to make people oblivious to their surroundings.
But lets not her because someone was driving, literally, feet off her bumper. In nearly every case, blaming the victim is kind of an asshole move. Even if she could catch a glance of him in a side view mirror from time to time, if he was close enough that she tells the story as ‘I didn’t even know he was there’, he was still in the rear view mirror’s blind spot. Think about how close that has to be on a Suburban type vehicle.
But, yeah, totally her fault.
Wasn’t blaming her for the tailgating, just for inattentive driving.
I’ve driven a side-loading beverage truck and never was taken by surprise by a tailgater.
Must have been one tiny and low car that she couldn’t even see the roof.