This is why, when I went out on a date earlier tonight, I insisted that we sit away from the other people in the place- I didn’t want some loser listening to our conversation and concluding that we were on a date and then going home and posting about it on a message board.
We stopped off for a drink the other night. At the far end of the bar sat a woman and a man. She was about fiftyish, with a long blond spiral perm, leathery tanned face . . . the effect was not good. Guy was about her age but average looking.
Suddenly she lunged for him, as if making a move. He jumped back as if she had the plague. Whoa! Quite the spectacle. A few words were exchanged (we couldn’t hear them), and then she grabbed her purse and stormed out.
OK . . . Guy sat there drinking his beer and watching TV as if nothing had happened. We figured, skaggy woman hitting on guy, guy not interested, woman leaves.
But nope, she came back about 5 minutes later and sat next to him as if nothing had happened, and they continued their conversation. A while later they did leave together.
And this is why I posted it on a message board to remind people that not everyone in the world cares about your life, so keep your conversations and cell phone levels at a normal level and don’t yell them so people can hear them
I learned from my Japanese friends that they seldom, OK never, say no. Saying no in English is just too negative for them. They have learned or been counseled not to use this word. Therefore, when they definitely do not plan to do something, they say instead, “It will be very difficult.” They feel this lets the other party down easily and everybody understands. But Americans don’t understand until they learn this nuance of Japanese culture. I would offer that many Americans use “maybe” in the same context.
“If a woman says no she means maybe.
If a woman says maybe, she means yes.
If a woman says yes, she’s no lady.”
My money says she gets a call. The guy either had the upper hand in the situation inherently (better looks, etc.) or had acquired it when she began the (somewhat unusual) direct female-to-male chat-up. His maybe was just a (conscious or unconscious) effort to remind her that (in this interaction) he was the catch and the catch should never be taken for granted till you reel it all the way in. Thought experiment: If he’d instead replied with a huge goofy grin on his face, as though he’d just won the lottery, “Oh, I’ll DEFINITELY call you on Thursday, I promise!” (with no sarcasm) and then walked out as though he were floating on air – would she have been quite so enthusiastic when she called her GF? I’m thinking there’s a non-zero chance she’d be saying – damn, what kind of goofy loser have I signed up for?
IME the dating market is a market much like any others, and someone told me long ago in business “the person who cares (or can appear to care) less about closing the deal has most of the leverage.”
Referring to stories changing and not to the yes or no situation, I always have a story I like to tell:
I came home from work one day to my old apartment. I glanced across the street at some noise. The couple in the house kitty-corner to me were fighting. he was on the porch, and she just inside, and they were yelling to each other at the top of their lungs. “YOU RAT BASTARD HOW COULD YOU.” “YOU’RE THE ONE WHO FUCKED HIM.” “i DIDN’T BUT IF I DID IT’S YOUR FAULT.” Yeah. I lived in kind of a trashy neighborhood. I shake my head and go inside.
Five minutes later my SO pulls up. I happen to hear his car and go to greet him at the door. I glance across the street, wondering if they are fighting. Nope. They are making out. She has her tongue so far down his throat I wonder how he can breathe, and their hands are all over each other.