I'll pull up a chair and wait for the fireworks - I hope you sit on a bottle rocket!

The BBQ Pit
1

Poster 1: Rant rant rant rant rant! PosterX is a stupid vulvinator! I want to twist off his nipples, freeze them in nitroglycerin, and them sprinkle them over my breakfast cereal like strawberries! I want to roll him in holiday foil and sell him as a chocolate-shit filled figurine! PosterX - suck my asshole until you’ve pulled my esophagus out through my rectum! Rant rant rant rant rant!

Poster 2: Well, this should be fun! Guess I’ll pull up a chair and wait for the fireworks.

Poster 3: Gosh this BarcaLounger is hard to move ::grunts:: I want to be comfy for the show that’s about to start, though. Who wants popcorn?

Poster 4: I’ll take some popcorn. Anyone want a glass of this chardonnay I bought at a yard sale?

Poster 3: :::passes popcorn bag and takes swig from Poster 4’s jug::: Thanks!

Poster 2: I’m ordering pizza - does everyone like mushrooms?

Poster 5: Mind I join you? I love a good fireworks display. I’ll gladly share my potroast marinated in onions and pineapple slices.

Poster 4: I like pepperoni on my pie. Poster 5, pass me a slice of that roast, would you? It sounds like just the thing to go with my wine.

They Call Me Sneeze: WHY DONT ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!!! This practice of underhandedly commenting on an OP by “settling in to watch the fireworks,” or waterworks, or fucktival, or whatever the hell it is that is being predicted, IS THE LAMEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER READ, AND YOU PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE TIME!!!

Whenever there is an inflammatory post, a bunch of you smarmy smart-asses feel it necessary to pretend that you are sitting in a plastic lawn chair, surrounded by your fellow dopers, swapping Ritz crackers for Swedish fish, or domestic beer, or baked potatoes, or whatever lame-o foods you like to eat. You dont go so far as to actually post something useful, heavens no, you just like to muck up the thread with your Lazy Boy and your bucket of chicken.

KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!!!

You are not really attending the Picnic of the Verbal LightShow. You are not really sitting in a lawnchair with other dopers. If you are, give me your address, so that I may come laugh at you, and then smack you upside the head with the pot roast tin.

Poster 3: Well, Sneeze, dont expect any of MY popcorn.

Poster 4: And dont even THINK of asking for some of my chardonnay.

Poster 2: Good! The more for us! Who wants an English Muffin?

[And dont think I dont know what’s coming.]

I Sneeze on all of you!
sneeze

[Edited by Ukulele Ike on 11-11-2001 at 01:35 PM]

2

The Call Me Sneeze: Who wants to sit around and watch this? I mean, she cant even do italics properly.

3

The “lawn chair” thing is a Pit tradition, and if you don’t like it, stay out of the Pit. :wink:

4

I’d say you can take comfort in the fact that no one is going to be inclined to pull up a chair for this:
You haven’t called anyone out;
your rant was rather lame;
you tripped over your own code;
you misspelled your own name;
and now everyone is simply laughing at you.

Need a tissue?

5

I don’t think it’s such a big deal. The idea is that people want to indicate that they are paying attention and interested in the forthcoming discussion, yet have nothing to add themselves because the thread isn’t directed at them personally. It’s a way of showing that there is an audience present, and they care what’s going on, even if they can’t directly participate. It’s also a good way of keeping a thread alive until all the involved parties have had a chance to see it.

Tangenitally related to this, I’ve been thinking about some way of doing something similar when someone posts something deeply personal and tragic, like the death of a parent/child/spouse or what have you. Obviously, something with less of a festival air to it. Maybe just a post with no text, or only a period, or something. Just to let the poster know that you were listening, even if you have nothing to say. I haven’t tried it yet, because I don’t know how it would be received, and I certainly don’t want to inadvertantly insult someone. Just something I’ve been thinking about, usually when I’m trying to think of something better to say than, “I’m so sorry,” or “That’s very sad,” or other empty platitudes.

6

Sob! My rant is -sob!- lame!

It doesn’t call anyone out!

Oh, good heavens! I tripped over coding![/]

I misspelled my name!

Oh, no! People are laughing at me! Woe as me! I’ll never be able to show my face around these boards again!

Boohoohoohoohoo!

Please.

Wrap your tissue around your finger and use it to swab your anus.

love
esnzee

7

:: Pulls up a chair, sets up a TV tray with a cup of ice, can of diet Coke and a jar of peanuts::

Anyone want any peanuts? It’s a party-size container.

I think TCMS was joking.

8

I certainly assumed she was joking.

9

I’m pretty sure she was joking, too.

Love
sneeze

10

They are used to pad the post count. Not that I’d ever do anything like that.

:slight_smile:

11

Miller
If you could come up with some generic Indicator of Presence I’d love to hear about it. I’m lurking about all the time but as I have barely two neurons to rub together I don’t post much, especially in the type of threads you mention.
dwyr- a mute entity, but compassionate.

12

:::pulling up a chair so I don’t have to stand:::

It is much easier to sit…especially when I want to tell a pissant like you that your lame rant on something that is board tradition makes me feel like vomiting ripe, festering feces.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume that you missed the meaning of the good old joke on a bad PMS day. I won’t even mention that the only people who regularly miss such obvious jokes are people like Doughy Monty the Perpetual Virgin and Must-I-Call (My Psychiatrist Again) Silver Key.

Ooops.

We people that get laughs out of little traditions like this like our lives…and suggest that you get one.

13

What? You other dopers haven’t really been sitting in real lawn chairs?

I feel so used.

P.S.to tcms You also overuse the word “lame.”

14

I don’t mean to be the devil’s advocate here, but I agree with the OP. Any Pit thread directed at one particular person is bogged down with a whole page of this nonesense before the subject of the OP even arrives. It’s stupid and unnecessary, as well as insulting to the author of the rant.

15

ladyfoxfyre, that is EXACTLY the problem. Thank you.

I have no idea what PMS joke you are talking about. In this thread or elsewhere?

Also, the fact that you, who advocates the practice of pretending to sit around online, is telling me to get a life is pretty funny.

ps to samclem - how about I replace “lame” with “fuck,” or perhaps “goatfelch.”
sneeze

16

Ah, shit. I thought it was kinda funny. And I went ahead and fixed the damn code before I realized that everyone was having a good laugh over it.

17

Thanks Ukelele Ike : )

love
sneeze

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Pulls up lawn chair.

(Returns to van.)

Drags in portable projector screen

(Returns to van.)

Drags in Light-pro projector and DVD player.

Sets up projector and DVD. Pointedly faces chair away from OP.

OK folks. Completely lame rant, but since we’re all out here in the fesh air with chairs and snacks and stuff and no fireworks in the offing, you wanna watch a movie? I’ve got ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’, and the complete ‘Aliens’ and ‘Star Wars’ collections, but I can take the van down to Blockbuster if you want to, you know,…
Watch something interesting

[sub]Sorry Sneeze, it’s something about the Pit. I just can’t help it.[/sub]

19

I’d like to see Quills again.

20

I’m in for Galaxy Quest.