Targets Unite! A Pittee Party (heh)

Have you ever been Pit? Ever watched a Pit thread? After a while, target Pit threads all look the same. It almost seems like characters in a play. Not everyone takes the same part, but in a drawn out Pit thread, the cast of characters is the same. Who are these characters? Here’s a partial list:

Character A: Everyone is trying to help you. Can’t you see that? why won’t you do what we’re saying?
[All they see is a bunch of people enjoying a pile-on. Many of the people in the thread aren’t even saying the same thing except to bash on the Pittee.]

Character B: I’m so disappointed in you. I thought you were better than this. Do better.
[Er, OK, but they’re not thrilled with you either. So no u.]

Character C: Why do you post here if you hate it so much that you can’t stop doing X?
[They like it here. They’d like it better if they could do X. (not against the rules) without you getting on their case.]

Character D: Who do you think you are doing X?
[Who do you think you are telling them not to do X?]

Character E: You’re just an [expletive-filled screed]. (completely unrelated to anything)
[No U]

Character F: If only you didn’t do X. people would like you.
[Meh, you don’t do X and people don’t like you either.]

Character G: Pittee just doesn’t get it. They’re too stupid to get it. (talking to a third person)
[Hello? They’re right here reading all this. Too scared to address them directly?]

Character H: I feel so sorry for you that you can’t see how wrong you are.
[Uh, OK. Here, they can feel sorry for you too. You’re welcome.]

Character I: Pittee is a troll. Don’t take the bait. They just want to get a rise out of you.
[Little late for that. See thread title with their name in it.]

Character J: Trolls act like this (long description of predictions of what Pittee will say).
[Great, so if Pittee doesn’t do any of these, you’ll call off the pile-on? Yeah, I didn’t think so.]

Character K: You’re so stupid. You can’t change.
[OK, so what is this about again?]

Character L: I couldn’t be bothered to read the thread/OP. It’s too long.
[And yet you picked a side. Way to prove the non-hive mind. You go!]

Character M: Tedious troll is tedious.
[What does an exciting troll look like? And why are you excitedly posting about them?]

Character N: Posting recipes, nonsense trivia, silly incoherent comments. . .
[. . . ]
[Character N showing a fierce need to fit in with nothing to say]

Character O: First they came for the X and I didn’t speak up because I’m not an X. Next they came for the Y and I didn’t speak up because I’m not a Y. Then they came for me and there was no one to speak up for me
[Look for Banned next to their name within a couple years. Example.]

Character P: It’s not all about you. Why are you making it all about you?
[Well, perhaps it’s because their name is in the thread title.]

Character Q: Pittee is just JAQing, sealioning, etc.
[Meh, if you were more curious, your questions might look like that too.]

Charcter R: The Pittee is just trying to get attention.
[They’re generally not trying to get your attention to insult them.]

Character S: Pittee has no sense of humor about this.
[Nah, they’re laughing at you, probably in PMs, just not in the Pit thread. But also it’s not that funny to have people insult them for stupid reasons.]

Character T: Get a room! Create another thread!
[Why don’t you? Easy enough to do.]

Character U: This is lame.
[Oh, snap.]

Character V: Pittee has too much time on their hands.
[So do you.]

Character W: What happened to the rest of the letters?
[Well, aren’t you clever? Way to miss the point of the thread. See Character N…

There are more characters. I’m sure I’ve missed a few.

What’s your part in a Pit thread?

Let the performance art begin!

I’ll take this roll for this thread.

Thanks for playing!

Fuck this shit.

If my posts were met with one of the responses in the OP, I’d think “What a bunch of assholes.” Two or more of those, on a website full of smart people, and I might wonder if the problem is me …

Repeated reactions like those to my opinions/talking points and I’d stop and think "Damn, I really should change …

… or find a message board that isn’t so 'Fighty About Ignorance’…"

X Detective Pitter thinks they know what’s really going on with the Piteee be reading between the lines and doing some sort of Hannibal Lecture Voo doo.

Personally, I have a different view on this. I’ve seen someone do the exact same behavior on the same board and get two different responses. It just depends on the make up of the group. It’s not like there’s a standard that everyone is following. The rules change all the time depending on who is in the group.

Is that anything like a TED Talk?

This was my design.

Person Y why, this is getting too meta for me.

Person Z Bored now.

Nice thread, H&R

Confidential to ILMVI: that stands for Heffalump_and_Roo.

ETA: I sure hope mordecaiB doesn’t come after me for that.

Character A1: Pedant

Role, not roll. :grinning:

If the rules are like It Follows, you’re fine unless we make out, then it switches to pursue you relentlessly.

Nice one! Yeah, that one happens after person Z just vented their spleen in the most vulgar way possible or posted so many times that they have become the center of the thread. And now they want out before anyone responds to them.



character A 19o tries participate in the pile on but is neither witty or well informed enough to successfully do so, ends up looking like just another asshole

(the part I’m taking for this thread)

I invented a drink over The Great Time-Out that helps deal with ennui (not to mention ennme, ennyou, and Heffalumps).

First step:
Buy three airline-sized bottles of different Caribbean rums, a Ginger Beer that you’ve never heard of, and hipster bitters that are way out of your budget…

Also Character N:

I digs it.

I knew a lady whose thing in life was rescuing and rehabilitating Pit Bulls. Her e-mail was a variation on the words “Pittie Party”. She had some of the sweetest most lovable Pit Bulls I’ve ever met. That’s my idea of a Pittie Party.

Character #1 - The pit is where they get to post, act, and say shit, that they would say in every other forum and thread, if the site wasn’t moderated