Have you ever been Pit? Ever watched a Pit thread? After a while, target Pit threads all look the same. It almost seems like characters in a play. Not everyone takes the same part, but in a drawn out Pit thread, the cast of characters is the same. Who are these characters? Here’s a partial list:
Character A: Everyone is trying to help you. Can’t you see that? why won’t you do what we’re saying?
[All they see is a bunch of people enjoying a pile-on. Many of the people in the thread aren’t even saying the same thing except to bash on the Pittee.]
Character B: I’m so disappointed in you. I thought you were better than this. Do better.
[Er, OK, but they’re not thrilled with you either. So no u.]
Character C: Why do you post here if you hate it so much that you can’t stop doing X?
[They like it here. They’d like it better if they could do X. (not against the rules) without you getting on their case.]
Character D: Who do you think you are doing X?
[Who do you think you are telling them not to do X?]
Character E: You’re just an [expletive-filled screed]. (completely unrelated to anything)
Character F: If only you didn’t do X. people would like you.
[Meh, you don’t do X and people don’t like you either.]
Character G: Pittee just doesn’t get it. They’re too stupid to get it. (talking to a third person)
[Hello? They’re right here reading all this. Too scared to address them directly?]
Character H: I feel so sorry for you that you can’t see how wrong you are.
[Uh, OK. Here, they can feel sorry for you too. You’re welcome.]
Character I: Pittee is a troll. Don’t take the bait. They just want to get a rise out of you.
[Little late for that. See thread title with their name in it.]
Character J: Trolls act like this (long description of predictions of what Pittee will say).
[Great, so if Pittee doesn’t do any of these, you’ll call off the pile-on? Yeah, I didn’t think so.]
Character K: You’re so stupid. You can’t change.
[OK, so what is this about again?]
Character L: I couldn’t be bothered to read the thread/OP. It’s too long.
[And yet you picked a side. Way to prove the non-hive mind. You go!]
Character M: Tedious troll is tedious.
[What does an exciting troll look like? And why are you excitedly posting about them?]
Character N: Posting recipes, nonsense trivia, silly incoherent comments. . .
[. . . ]
[Character N showing a fierce need to fit in with nothing to say]
Character O: First they came for the X and I didn’t speak up because I’m not an X. Next they came for the Y and I didn’t speak up because I’m not a Y. Then they came for me and there was no one to speak up for me
[Look for Banned next to their name within a couple years. Example.]
Character P: It’s not all about you. Why are you making it all about you?
[Well, perhaps it’s because their name is in the thread title.]
Character Q: Pittee is just JAQing, sealioning, etc.
[Meh, if you were more curious, your questions might look like that too.]
Charcter R: The Pittee is just trying to get attention.
[They’re generally not trying to get your attention to insult them.]
Character S: Pittee has no sense of humor about this.
[Nah, they’re laughing at you, probably in PMs, just not in the Pit thread. But also it’s not that funny to have people insult them for stupid reasons.]
Character T: Get a room! Create another thread!
[Why don’t you? Easy enough to do.]
Character U: This is lame.
Character V: Pittee has too much time on their hands.
[So do you.]
Character W: What happened to the rest of the letters?
[Well, aren’t you clever? Way to miss the point of the thread. See Character N…
There are more characters. I’m sure I’ve missed a few.
What’s your part in a Pit thread?
Let the performance art begin!