Oh, I forgot about this one. It’s amazing how many libertarians have no problem working for Big Government (my husband claims to be libertarian, yet he’s worked for one government agency or another for almost all his adult life) or, better yet, they will be happy to accept entitlement money (my husband’s brother claims to be libertarian, but he just had a lot of medical and dental stuff done on the county dime).
‘I’m too honest/nice/kind/whatever for my own good.’ I’ve never known any of these to be true.
The people who claim they’re ‘too honest’ are just nasty little bitches who get outraged when they’re called on it; they’re no more honest than anyone else, it’s just that they’re only honest about bad things, not about good ones. The people who claim they’re too nice or kind only do something nice when they expect a return from it, and then get outraged when they don’t get the return (usually an unreasonable one) that they had in mind.
I do know people who are actually too honest or too kind for their own good, but they’d never describe themselves that way.
On the writer thing - I know someone who actually is a very successful writer but never describes herself that way, because the phrase gives her the same feeling that people mention in this thread. When someone asks her what she does, she doesn’t say ‘I’m a writer’; she says ‘I write books.’
Huh, usually the people I see throw out that line have nothing else to offer for themselves. “I’m incompetent, weasely, none-too-bright, but hey, I’m a nice guy.” They’re Gomers and Gabbies - their well-meaning incompetence starts a load of crap that everyone else (Sgt. Carter or Xena) has to clean up.
Another one that an acquaintance is fond of throwing out: “I’m sensitive.” Yeah - to your own feelings, so why should you care about anyone else’s?
“I’m an aspie.”
“I’m an introvert.”
“I’m asexual.”
“I’m poly.”
And the OP did say “fairly or unfairly,” so all of you asexual poly aspie introverts can just calm the hell down.
But…but…I’ve been tested! 
No, seriously, I passed that supertaster test with flying colours. I didn’t even know I was someone who was potentially a super-taster until I met my husband, and we compared notes long enough to realize that I was tasting (and smelling) a whole lot more than he was. That said, I’m still not comfortable with the “supertaster” label - I’d want a more definitive test than a piece of very bitter paper and comparing notes with my husband.
You’ve just described my brother-in-law - my sister made a whole lot more money than he did, so he stayed home with the kids. From all outside appearances, she worked long and hard, then came home and raised two kids and looked after a household.
My offering - “I’m a good driver.” (Usually followed by, “Sure, I’ve had 10 accidents, but none of them were my fault!”)
Sorry, this reminds me of yet another:
“I’m celibate.”
x 100
“If you expect something in return for being a nice guy . . . you’re not a nice guy.”
I sort of collect these. I’m always on the lookout for such phrases, as they are a good advance warning for all sorts of human unpleasantness.
As many people in the thread have mentioned, such phrases are seldom uttered by people who could utter them truthfully. We should have the corresponding real phrases, too. Like “I like to write, and my work has been published in X” versus “I’m a writer” . Or : I’m a stay at home parent" versus “I quit my job when our baby was born.”
My own contributions:
"I’ve looked after everyone all my life, and now I finally am going to think of myself first for a change. "
“I’m a giving person”.
“I’m a bad mom” “I’m lazy” (Seldom true of those who say it. They mostly mean to say that they have unrealistically high standards and feel guilty for not living up to them)
“I’m allergic to fish.”
And vegetables. And spice. And pretty much everything that you can’t make out of a box or order from a drive-thru.
Yep. I’ve actually met some. (Irony.)
My favorite was somebody who told me he was lactose-intolerant. And then I saw him eating a bowl of cereal he had poured milk into. I asked him how he could do that if he was lactose-intolerant and he said it only affected him when he drank milk.
Very common, so this one’s “unfair”. Often those who don’t make much lactase still make *some *lactase. Taking milk in small amounts (up to half a cup) is a first recommendation. Only if they can’t tolerate even small amounts do we recommend they cut it out entirely, because then they’ve got to consider alternate sources of calcium and Vitamin D. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001321/
Has the phrase “I’m pretty open minded” ever NOT been followed by the word “but” and a closed minded opinion?
“I’m a professor” <—I only hear this from part time adjuncts who are generally ABD. The full professors tend to say “I teach”. (Not that there’s anything wrong with adjuncts. I’ve had some great adjuncts. But…)
ABD?
Sorry…All But Dissertation. Lots of PhD students who have completed their coursework are teaching while they work on their dissertation to get their actual degree. They call themselves “ABD”, because they’re not yet PhD’s, but they’re not students sitting in a classroom anymore, either.
And to keep with the theme of the thread… “I’m ABD.” 
I was married to a dude who was “ABD” for 10 years. He was, technically, sure. But he spent far more time talking about writing his dissertation than he did writing his dissertation! To hear him, you’d think it was an any day now Ph.D. In actuality, not one but two of his advisors actually died of old age while he was busy not writing!
I am the Messiah
“I’ve got good reflexes” - said by someone who drives with no regard for posted speeds, traffic lights, or for how much fun a civil engineer had designing those curves.
When did you become my nurse, WhyNot? :dubious:
Nava, mildly lactose intolerant (much less than Middlebro, apparently it’s often worse in men than in women).
Why would you react to the phrase, “I’m an introvert” with “yeah, right”?
“I’m a better driver than most.”