[QUOTE=you with the face]
I don’t. I mean, not really. The OP has a point in that the “good genes” response has self flattering connotations. By refering to your genetics as good, you are complimenting yourself. That’s where the appearance of immodesty comes into play.
A compliment is not begging for an explanation on the part of the complimentee. If someone tells me that I have nice body, I say “thanks, that was nice of you to say”. I don’t feel it necessary to detail my workout regimine or spell out the nucleotide sequence on my chromosomes. That is, unless someone asks me how I keep my figure. Even in that case, though, I think it’s more appropriate to say something like “I have a naturally fast metabolism” rather than “it’s good genes” because the former statement is more value neutral and doesn’t come across as me kissing my own ass.
I’m trying to imagine a circumstance where “I have good genes” would not sound like a slightly asshatish thing to say, and I’m actually drawing a blank.
[/QUOTE]
I’m trying to figure out how “I have a naturally fast metabolism” is different from “it’s good genes.” Either way you are accepting the compliment and indicating that it is a genetic aspect of your body over which you have no control.
Where does your metabolism come from? It’s primarily genetic.
And in my case, the compliments on the postpartum figure were usually included with a “how do you do it?” sort of statement. I don’t do it. I don’t do anything. I’m really not a fitness nut - I’m just lucky. My metabolism, courtesy of my genes, does it. Good genes is a simple and quick answer.
[QUOTE=Solfy]
I’m trying to figure out how “I have a naturally fast metabolism” is different from “it’s good genes.” Either way you are accepting the compliment and indicating that it is a genetic aspect of your body over which you have no control.
[/quote]
Right. That part is not mysterious. What I’m talking about is delivery.
“Wow, ywtf, you’re gorgeous! What do you do to keep your figure?”
“Thanks! It’s good genes.”
That response doesn’t strike you a little bit self congratulatory? Really?
Contrast that with:
“Thanks! I try my best not to be pig out and be a slob, but other than that not much. Fast metabolism, I guess.”
[QUOTE=Cat Fight]
Re-reading the thread, I realize part of the problem is that the compliment receiver is committing the unforgivable sin – agreeing with the complimenter rather than the usual ‘No, no, my ass is sooo big! You’re the one who looks in shape!’ Ah well. Changing times…
[/QUOTE]
I suppose. I hate/despise/detest/loathe the insincere tish-toshing of a sincere compliment. That’s actually insulting, because A) you’re saying my taste (or vision) is bad and B) you’re saying bad things about my friend (you) and C) you’re probably fishing for more compliments, or turning it into my job to convince you that I really, really like you.
Apparently there’s absolutely no statement out there that defensive people won’t get upset about.
“I have good genes.” means I got lucky through no effort on my part. I have good skin because both of my parents were families full of people with good skin.
If you are so incredibly defensive that you hear that as, “I have good genes and you don’t, you pathetic loser,” then that is your own problem.
I suppose if you compliment me on my appearance of good health and I reply that I owe it to clean living, I must really be saying, “I’m more virtuous than you, you pill-popping, beer-swilling, chain-smoking, sleep-deprived pervert.”
Why exactly did you pay me the compliment in the first place? Do you think I know about some secret voodoo ritual that gave me great skin, and if you compliment me on it I’ll share the secret with you?
[QUOTE=you with the face]
I don’t. I mean, not really. The OP has a point in that the “good genes” response has self flattering connotations. By refering to your genetics as good, you are complimenting yourself. That’s where the appearance of immodesty comes into play.
[/QUOTE]
And how is that less immodest than “Thank you,” with its implicit acceptance of the complimenter’s praise?
The flattery has already been offered. The one issuing the compliment has in some fashion deemed something “good.” The responder is acknowledging that judgment - which he did not originate - in a social nicety. In his mind, it’s a mild self-deprecation, essentially saying “Oh, I’m just lucky” rather than “Yeah, I’m damn good-looking, aren’t I?”.
[QUOTE=you with the face]
“Wow, ywtf, you’re gorgeous! What do you do to keep your figure?”
“Thanks! It’s good genes.”
[/quote]
The second one sounds worse to me than the first. Not a lot worse, but a little.
The first doesn’t sound at all self congratulatory. The second has a little bit of “I earned it (and you didn’t).” If it had stopped with “Fast metabolism” then it would have been indistinguishable from “good genes.”
[QUOTE=amarinth]
The second one sounds worse to me than the first. Not a lot worse, but a little.
The first doesn’t sound at all self congratulatory. The second has a little bit of “I earned it (and you didn’t).” If it had stopped with “Fast metabolism” then it would have been indistinguishable from “good genes.”
[/QUOTE]
See, I look at the second response as me giving a objective description of the things I do to keep my figure. It essentially amounts to not very much, therefore “fast metabolism, I guess.” It’s simple and scientific.
The first response sounds as if I’m praising myself. Yeah, I have no control over my genes. That doesn’t matter. I’m still telling someone how great my DNA is. Few people are really interested in hearing about how great I think my DNA is.
I get a lot of compliments on my hair and I don’t think people would appreciate it if I said “thanks, I’ve got great genes.” But I’m more than ready to accept that I’m wrong about that. Judging by this thread, I guess I am.
I guess if someone asked how I keep myself looking so lean, the most modest response (without denying the compliment) would be, “I don’t know. I guess I’m just lucky.”
“Great genes” kind of rubs me the wrong way as a generic response to a compliment. It’s kind of like saying, “Yeah, I know I look good. Don’t you wish you were me.” But in other contexts, it doesn’t bother me. Like, if you’re at the doctor and he asks for your family history and you say, “Everyone’s in perfect health. We have great genes.”
[QUOTE=you with the face]
I get a lot of compliments on my hair and I don’t think people would appreciate it if I said “thanks, I’ve got great genes.” But I’m more than ready to accept that I’m wrong about that. Judging by this thread, I guess I am.
[/QUOTE]
Your hair, however, is politicized in a way that weight isn’t. In that case, I can see how saying “I’ve got good genes” might be a loaded statement.
Would you put “I won the genetic lottery” closer to “just lucky” or “good genes”?
How on earth can someone giving a compliment be so defensive? My daughter is almost two and I still don’t know how to respond other than “thank you” when people say how pretty she is. Hell, she is, I didn’t have a damn thing to do with it, she looks just like her Daddy, but I can’t agree, because then I’d be vain, I can’t attribute it to the gene pool getting properly chlorinated, because of overly defensive people, I can offend even when trying desperately not to.
I had a woman (overweight) comment on my weight (underweight). She asked why I was so thin, I said I was lucky. She responded “Oh, you’ve always been that way?” And I said “No, my top weight was 185.” What happened, she says? I said, “I learned I couldn’t eat exactly what a 6’3” guy eats and stay thin."
After hearing the shit I hear all the time, knowing that some mean well and some are just freakin’ mean, I guess people should be really, really thankful we don’t respond honestly. I assure you, the response I wanted to give the girl was much, much worse than what I said.
[QUOTE=amarinth]
Your hair, however, is politicized in a way that weight isn’t. In that case, I can see how saying “I’ve got good genes” might be a loaded statement.
[/quote]
True. But even still I can’t imagine saying “I’ve got good genes” if someone complimented other aspects of my appearance.
Weight is politicized, too. I think that’s why I choose my responses to size-related compliments and inquiries extra carefully. It’s too easy to say the “wrong” thing. Most of the time when people are saying nice things about my weight, they’re putting down their own size at the same time.
“I hate how fat I am. Wish I could have your shape! What’s your secret?”
“I have good genes.”
That doesn’t sound sensitive to me. Maybe I’m overthinking it, though. But my experiences are often like this, whether it be my hair or weight.
I think it’s closer to “good genes”, but “I won the genetic lottery” is not something I’d be saying, either. That implies that someone lost the genetic lottery just because they don’t have my body type or metabolism. Small thing to sweat over, but the implication is there.
This is a thought that just popped into my head: If it’s something I couldn’t waltz into a room and say apropos of nothing without raising some eyebrows, then I’ll probably not say it.
I have never heard anyone say they have “good genes”. Hopefully I don’t: it seems like a rather useless thing to say because it’s so vague. Good genes how? Did you get them screened, and, really, what would I care if you had the world’s best genes on some arbitrary gene rating scale? The only time I can think of anyone really making a deal about genes is Hitler and the Aryan race, coincidentally (although I’m not comparing these people to Hitler, I’m sure they’re much more lovely to have around at parties etc, thankyou very much).