I asked my now father in law for his blessing. My wife is his youngest daughter and at the time was still living at home taking care of him as his wife had died 6 years prior. He was very touched by the gesture. Although it may not have mattered in the grand scheme of things I am the only one of his son in laws he introduces as such. 
My bother in laws are all referenced by first name.
This was over ten years ago so I don’t remember exactly. We were both poor graduate students at the time, so they mainly revolved around how we would be managing our living expenses while not having actual jobs, etc. He isn’t exactly Mr Sensitive, so I don’t think (or recall) there were any about our actual relationship.
Does it work the other way around? I did the asking, should I have asked Mr. Pre-Cake’s mother for her blessing?
Actually, since we got married five hours later, there wasn’t time for a lot of formalities, but put me in the camp of “that’s pretty creepy”. Considering our relationships to our respective fathers, I would have been astonished had my husband done such a thing, and quickly checked the basement for an empty pod.
I’d be a little offended - my father doesn’t own me! I suspect my boyfriend would do it and that my dad would like it, though, so I’d just roll my eyes and get over it, but I wouldn’t like it.
I also say that it should depend on how your girlfriend feels about it. I wouldn’t have liked it, and neither would my husband. I would defer to your and your girlfriend’s feelings about it. I don’t think it’s set in stone one way or the other–it’s really a personal preference. (Honestly, I would have been angry if my husband had wanted to ask for my parents’ blessing/permission. It’s none of their business! So I’d just caution you to note that there are extremes of viewpoints ranging from my opinion to “Of course you have to talk to my father first!”)
Once we’ve decided to get married I wouldn’t have a particular objection to asking for anyone’s blessing. The dad, the mom, the pet dog, the mail man. Marriages are hard, and you need all the blessings you can get.
I would only ask for permission beforehand if I were trying to marry someone younger than 16 or who was profoundly retarded. I guess if she were so old and senile that she lacked capacity to make decisions I might clear it with her legal guardian, but truthfully that’s unlikely to happen - I like younger women.
I sort of planned to, but I’m not close enough to her parents to spend time around them when she isn’t around. Makes it tough to find an opportunity.
In the end, I just proposed, and asked retroactively. Turns out her dad had done exactly the same thing.
I can’t remember if my husband asked for my parents’ blessing. We probably did ask when we called to tell them of our engagement.
Interestingly, and perhaps a little sexist of me, it *never *occurred to me to ask my father-in-law’s blessing on our engagement. I found out, a year or two after we married, FiL was actually annoyed at me for not asking his permission. He’s a bit patriarchal.
Yep, it totally depends on your lady friend. If Mr. Snicks had asked my dad, it wouldn’t have gone over that well. I have an inkling that Dad would’ve said, “Why don’t you ask her?” I don’t really care, either way, but it does seem a tad old fashioned. Not sure if my dad would be touched or bemused by the whole thing. Probably bemused.
My husband’s cousins are another matter, though - their respective spouses had to ask Dad first. As in, it would have been insulting had they not.
So - different strokes and all.
My Ex insisted I ask her for her Father’s blessing. Seemed a little strange, since we were both in our 40’s.
So I did. And he said OK. Then later, he forgot the entire conversation. He was in his 80’s.
His opinion would be irrelevant to her decision.
Her family is religious, and where not so happy when she told them I moved into her house. I think her father still intimidates her on some level, and one bonus of talking to him first would be making it clear he doesn’t intimidate me, like we’re running off to get married in secret or something.
Reading all of your responses though, has caused me to rethink the whole situation.
Not even consulting him would send a clear message his opinion is unsolicited.
I’m not going to ask him.
Thanks everyone, I’ll let you know how it went in a couple of days.
It was a big part of the process for Mrs. Butler & I. I checked in with her father a week or so before I popped the question. I had a trip planned for us, and asked her on that trip, so timing was important.
He was very flattered that I asked, and it was important to me to follow tradition. Even if for some freak reason he had said “no,” it wouldn’t have changed the final decision to ask though.
My brother in law asked my father prior to asking my sister to marry him, I hope my daughter’s future husband (not for another 18-25 years though) respects me enough to do the same.
It doesn’t work for all family situations, but if it seems important to you, or your potential wife’s family, then I’d say yes. You probably already know the answer to the question.
As for blabbermouths (detailed in pbbth’s post), my FIL is a horrible secret keeper. I did, however, ask him to hold this secret close until after 6AM the following Friday (we’d be gone by then, and didn’t have a cellphone in 1999). He told my MIL at 6:01AM. 
He (and I) are still very proud of the exchange, and the common secret, nearly 10 years after it happened.
Yoiu can achieve that with both of you sitting down with each pair of parents (or with parents singly if they’re divorced), and the two of you saying that you’ve decided to get married. That’s not asking for permission, or for a blessing, but just a normal kind of courtesy.
And shortly after, if possible, all four (or more, if there’s been re-marriage) parents should get together to meet, if they don’t already know each other. That’s just to recognise that you will be bringing two families together – and it would be odd for the parents to first meet on the wedding day.
My father would hate the idea of a “blessing” too. My parents have been married 43 years but it’s not like they recommend the institution. He wouldn’t consider it his place to judge whether the potential spouse was the right person or not.
First of all, congrats and best of luck, Sitnam!
I did not speak to my FIL first. Like several other posters, it just never occurred to me. I was under the impression that my then-girlfriend was an adult who made her own decisions (you know, people trust her with scalpels and stuff – I think she can handle this on her own); nor am I in the habit of asking people for permission to do what I want to do with my life. So, I didn’t ask. After saying “yes”, Mrs. Bayard called FIL to tell him the good news. He flipped out. I mean, really flipped out. Shouted, screamed, told her she’d been so disrespectful, and on and on and on and fucking on. I think the phrase “treated me like a dog” came up. Mrs. Bayard spent the rest of the night crying. I have never, and will never, forgive the fucker. He seems to have finally accepted me. I don’t care. In my heart I will always hate him for that.
In my case I actually kind of did the proposing (it was more a mutual decision, but I was the one who asked the actual question). But I would have been quite miffed if the spouse had wanted to ask my dad’s blessing/permission/whatever. I love my dad dearly and we get along great, but I’ve always been very independent and very much a tomboy, so even the whiff of anything like “woman as property” tradition would have been offensive. We didn’t do any of that (it was “you may kiss,” not “you may kiss the bride;” I was not walked down the aisle or given away; we weren’t introduced as “Mr. and Mrs. <hislastname>;” I didn’t wear white; etc.) It just would have been weird.
But then again, I’m weird. I wanted to elope and skip the whole ceremony thing. The only reason we had a wedding at all was because I couldn’t talk the spouse (who has a large family) out of it.
Cool–I always thought my hypothetical wedding would include “you may kiss each other”, or dispense with it altogether since it would be in church.
On the other hand, getting his blessing might be seen as the “manly” and respectful thing to do (especially to an older, religious man). But you could wait until after she’s said yes if the before part makes you uncomfortable. Just something to consider. Your decision though, and best of luck,
I personally was GLAD that my future son-in-law did not ask my permission. I had been given a heads up last Thanksgiving that he was going to do so & it completely ruined my holiday. It’s not like I was going to say no and I am glad to have him as part of the family. I just did not want to be asked that.
Yes. My brother asked when he married my sister-in-law and was met with nothing but good thoughts. My brother-in-law phoned my dad and he asked. My dad whined that he didn’t do it in person, but in my BIL’s defense they were both away at school and what limited time he had in the area my dad was unavailable.