In about 4 hours or so, I’m going to sit down for a chat with my best friend/ex-girlfriend/co-worker, tell her that I realized a few weeks ago that I’m still in love with her, that I think we deserve another shot as a couple, and that she should take that into consideration when deciding whether or not to accept a job in Oklahoma that’s been offered to her.
I still haven’t quite hit upon the exact words to say or even the place. I was planning on telling her how I felt anyway for awhile now. I had just been waiting for her to pull the plug on her relationship with her current boyfriend that hasn’t ended only because he hasn’t been in the country for weeks. But this job offer, which she’s going to decide upon over the weekend, has kind of forced my hand.
I’ve written about her several times on this board. We met as interns in 2001, dated for three months, and then broke up soon after our internships ended. But we kept in touch, and God/fate/random chance brought us back together again in DC for a few months in 2002. When she left that time, I thought that was it. I wasn’t too sad because she was deeply in love with another man at the time (who turned out to be crazy and is no longer with her) and I knew she’d be happy.
But, whatever forces are out there consprired yet again to bring us both to DC for a third time starting in November of 2003. So we’ve been in the same city for over a year now, and are as close as ever. Six weeks ago it hit me that I’m still in love with her (crying was involved) and since then I’ve been waiting for a good time to tell her.
Now is not a good time, but it’s all I’ve got left. My stomach’s in knots. My palms are sweaty. My heart’s racing. I feel bad putting this on her mind when she’s already weighing transplanting her whole life for a job, but I’ve got no choice. She’s the only girl I’ve ever sincerely wanted to marry and I don’t know what I’d do without her in my life.
I also know that life is not likely to give her and I yet another chance in the same city. If she goes to Oklahoma, she’s staying. Don’t ask me how I know that. I just do.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for in this post. Advice? Reassurance? No clue. But since I can’t exactly talk to people at the office about it (her desk is 10 feet from mine), I gotta do it somewhere.
I’m sending every single bit of good karma I have your way (which means I’m gonna hit every single red light on the drive home…oh well. you need it more). I wish you courage and love and many good things. I hope it goes well!!
The world would be a happier place if more people took their courage in their hands as you have and asked for what they really wanted.
You TELL that girl!
Well, I’m a cynic and I haven’t read any of the other posts, but… are you sure this is wise?
I mean, y’all dated for all of 3 months, she’s been dating someone else, and she has an out-of-state job offer that’s apparently good enough for her to consider moving for.
And now… hey, Mr. Exboyfriend is back with “I love you, don’t go”.
Who knows, maybe y’all are meant to be. But it sounds like a classic “big dump-on” to me. Like I said, hopeless cynic here.
I do hope it works out for the best, no matter what that turns out to mean.
I don’t read that as “cynic” but as “defeatist.” And I’m not just dumping on you; I’ve had the exact same reaction before and I just took what I thought was the noble way out.
There was someone that I was mad crazy about, and I could think of a thousand different impulsive things I could do to show how important it was to me, but I didn’t. Because I didn’t want to seem stalkerish, or be too much of an imposition, or complicate a situation that probably wasn’t going to work out. And you know, in reality, everything did end up working out for the best – things are unquestionably better for me now, I know that I’m happier than I ever could’ve been with him, and by all accounts he’s in a great situation and happy, and we managed to end up as friends. But there’s always going to be that little tinge of regret in the back of my mind that I didn’t just go all out with it, just to see what it would’ve been like. “The Road Not Taken” and all that.
Frankly, there are a million ways that this could turn out to be the stupidest thing that SNenc has ever done. There are a million ways that it could complicate everything. There’s a risk that he ends up getting really hurt. There’s a chance it could be the greatest thing ever. There’s a chance that it could end up just being really boring and awkward. (Didn’t you people ever see The Graduate?)
So go for it! And good luck! The only thing you can be 100% sure of is that you’ll regret it if you don’t take the chance.
I had planned that we’d go to this classy but quiet bar near work, but it was closed. The next closest bar was some rowdy happy hour place, and I said it wouldn’t do. At that point, she asked me why I needed all the secrecy and privacy, and I just said, “Alright, screw it, let’s just go to the circle and talk there.” (That being Dupont Circle for all you DC folk.)
So then I told her everything. I pretty much hit ever point in the OP. She appeared truly surprised and had no idea what to say. She also told me that before we talked, she had all but decided to take the job offer. So, I told her to think about it and to talk to me again when she did know what to say.
It’s in her hands now. I’ve done all I can. At least I can say that.
Nothing new to report… just forgot to say thank you.
Oh, and for those of you that believe in omens (which I might; at this point, I’ll take whatever I can get), when I went to Starbucks right after all this, as soon as I sat down with my coffee, Etta James’ “At Last” came on over the speakers. I really hope that was some cosmic foreshadowing going on there.
Wow! I have to hand it to you for finding the courage to tell her. I really hope it works out well for you.
So, would you move to OK for her if it came to that?
Regardless of what happens, it’ll be better than beating yourself up for years over not having the courage to tell her how you felt. I’m hoping for the best for you.
First, congratulations on having the stones to go through with it. As a member of the “Been there. Done that.” club, I know it was a difficult thing to do. I’m glad you let the fear of never knowing what could be override the fear of making a fool of yourself. Regardless of how it all turns out, you are a better person for having made your feelings known.
So, good on ya, mate!
Also, even if she moves to OK, stay in touch, be a friend, and see what the future brings. Even if your romantic paths never converge, a true friend is worth far more than its weight in gold.
