crosses fingers for SNenc
…
realizes she can’t type now
woops
It’s great that you had the courage to do this. I hope it has a happy ending!
She’s not the type to expect someone to move to another place for her, so I highly doubt she’d ask in the first place. But, if she asked, I’d take it under heavy consideration. The only issue, really, would be whether right now I can actually afford such a thing.
I’m supposed to see her today at a gathering at a friend’s house. Of course, that was planned before I dropped the bombshell, so we’ll see if she shows up. I planned the thing, so I have to be there.
Is anyone else thinking of Ross and Rachel here, or is it just me? 
Good for you for telling her where you stand. A decision based on as many facts as possible is likely to be a better decision, in my opinion. Of course, she might come back to you with a “Thanks, but sorry, not interested.” in which case you’ll know where you stand, too, and can get on with your life. And that, my friend, is what we call “closure.”
Good luck.
My “THE girl” is married now. Probably has a kid or two by now, too.
I told my “the” girl in a long, heartfelt letter. She never spoke to me again. But I did it, and that was the important thing. I hope she’s receptive, SNenc, but if not, be proud of yourself for having the courage to tell her. In person, no less!
I dated my “the” boy for three months, 12 years ago. I recently found his address online and, after much agonizing, sent him a letter. We’ve been dating for nearly 8 months now and plan to get married next year. Sometimes it does work out, and I am rooting for you!!
Just wanted to say that I’m rooting for you and sending many, many good vibes your way.
If everyone had your courage to go after what they really, truly wanted the world would be a happier place. Now you can rest assured that you’ve done everything in your power to make this happen. If it’s meant to be then so shall it be!
SNenc, whether or not things work out, at least you’ll know you tried. You won’t have to sit back five years from now and wonder “what if…?” because you stepped up and said what you wanted to say.
yuppers. the only regrets in life worth having are those for not stepping off the precipice. take the chance, you’d feel like crap forever wondering if there was something more you could have done.
Can you afford to not move to be with her?
Good luck!
You’d take it under consideration? That bothers me. It bothers me a whole lot. I know you say the only issue is whether or not you could afford it right now, but it seems to me that if the money were really the only issue, your answer would be “Yes, just as soon as I could afford to do so.” This whole I’d-maybe-do-it-if-I-could-afford-it-right-this-second thing…well, it makes it seem like you expect her to be a lot more commited to this thing than you’re willing to be.
Before you get mad, look at it from an outside point of view for a second. You’re asking this woman, who you are not involved with and have not been involved with for quite some time, to give up a job opportunity that will never come her way again to be with you. (And yes, this particular chance will never come again. Others just as good, probably, but not this particular one.) That’s a pretty hefty sacrifice and commitment to ask for, especially for a non-existant romance. And yet, when asked if you would make that same sort of sacrifice/commitment, you say you’d think about it. If she asked you. You’d think about it real hard, if you could afford it right now. Can you see where this wouldn’t exactly make you look completely devoted to doing whatever it takes to make this relationship work out?
I’m not mad, and after I posted that reply, I actually did think long and hard about that, despite its near-zero chance of actually happening. What I’d say if she asked such a thing is, “I can’t do it right now. But if you wait for me to save up the money to do it, I’ll be there as soon as possible.” It’s amazing how a place like Oklahoma (no offense to Oklahomans; it’s just not my kind of place) can seem suddenly appealing when love is on the line.
Anyway, folks, she’s coming by sometime after 10 p.m. tonight. I promise you a post after that (unless things go really well, in which case, well…cough cough… I’ll be too… occupied). But, before that, I have to say I’m feeling damn good about myself. The reaction I’ve gotten on here and from my real-world friends has been beyond supportive. Regardless of the outcome, I will emerge from this a better person.
Regardless of the outcome you can say you tried. The pain of rejection will pale a thousand times in comparison to the nagging pain you would have felt the rest of your life wondering what could have happened if you’d had the courage to ask, so you definitely did the right thing.
Ooh, she’s coming by tonight!
Please keep us all updated! I’ll be checking back to see how this goes. Best of luck to you!
She’s leaving. 
It’s very hard to describe my emotional state right now. I’ve felt more depressed in my life, yes. But I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so lost. The full gravity of life without her around hasn’t even fully sunk in yet, and already it frightens me to no end. Seeing her every day after I came into work was one of the highlights of my day, and made the beginning of every workday bearable.
But there won’t be any of that anymore. No more of that smile that made me melt every time I saw it. No more of that desk festooned with pictures of daisies and pugs. She gets so excited about little things, just like I do, and she’s so damn cute when she does it. In a way, I think that’s why we’ve always bonded, despite a lot of “on paper” differences. We both have this excitability to us that some might find dorky, but I always found infinitely endearing.
In a month, that won’t be a part of my daily life anymore, and that is going to be a huge loss for me. As for this past evening, it was relatively smooth, and didn’t have much drama (there was enough of that Friday night). After just catching up on eachother’s weekends, she told me exactly how she felt… that she thought long and hard about it, but just couldn’t honestly say she had the same romantic feelings I did, despite loving me deeply.
I had been prepared for that. That stung, but it didn’t knock a hole in me like when she said she was leaving DC entirely. That was the option I don’t think I could have ever prepared myself for. I’ve grown so used to her presence, and the idea that it will no longer be there is terribly upsetting. It just… hurts.
It is of little comfort right now, but I know I did all I could. I know I have friends that will get me through this (thanks again to all of you… sorry the ending wasn’t a happy one). I know I can get myself through it. But it will be a long, hard road. She’ll be part of that, of course. After all we’ve been through, not even this can destroy what we have. But she’ll be a smaller part of my life than I wanted her to be.
But right now, I can’t imagine myself ever loving another girl as much as I love her. Dammit.
I’m sorry it didn’t work out. But at least you told her how you felt.
N Senc, I know nothing I say is going to make you feel better, but what you did took a lot of courage. For that I have endless respect for you. I’ll remember you next time I’m chickening out on something similar. Please take care of yourself and know I wish the the very best.
SNenc, I’m sorry. It was a one in a million shot, and you went for it anyway. That took guts. So hold your head up high and thank yourself for having the courage to go out on a limb like that. When the pain subsides, you’ll be glad you did it.
Snenc - you’ve got massive juevos, mate - well done. Sorry it didn’t turn out as you’d hoped, but don’t think for a moment you did the wrong thing by telling her how you feel.