I'm hating life right now.

[Excalibre]

@QuickSilver

Look, the clothes coordination thing is done at her request. I’m really good at it and she wanted my input. She’s drop dead gorgeous in low cut jeans and a little tee, but she expressed a desire to break out of her conservative business and dressy threads. It’s not about control it’s about helping someone develop a personal sense of style. Believe it or not, not all straight guys live in jeans, running shoes and footbal jerseys. Some of us like and know how to dress with style. Plus, it’s sexy as hell to have your gf put on a fashion show for you. Try it some time with your SO. You may find you like it.

You’re discussing having picked out outfits for her. She’s an adult. You don’t see why that’s creepy? It’s absolutely bizarre. It’s still bizarre even if she requested it.

[QuickSilver]

@Zoe

QuickSilver, the most important thing is learning to make yourself happy – not depending on someone else to do it.

I’m actually pretty good at amusing myself. I prefer to have someone in my life for company and an occassional snog but not at all costs.

@Zoe

I can understand S.O. making some adjustments to each other’s lifestyles to accomdate each other and maybe that is all that’s needed here. But she has a perfect right to do things her way and you have a right to do things your way. You are in control of your life and she is in control of hers.

It was cool of you to help with her wardrobe when she asked and I understand that this is something that matters to you. Since she doesn’t really try to match things up, it’s probably not important to her. (I used to get teased by my daughter because everything always matched.) She has no obligation to change
for you. Can you live with it?

Can you live with her untidiness? Those habits can become fairly ingrained. Does she hassle you about being a neat freak? (Other than when you are fussing at her about picking up after her?) It’s really a preference of lifestyle, not a moral issue. And adults do this too – not just kids. If you choose to pick up after her, that’s your choice. You can also ask her nicely if she would take a few minutes to straighten up when you notice things are piling up. (But it’s her choice and you can learn a lot from the choices she makes.)

It’s funny. I can live with her having a religious belief system (I’m an atheist), but it bugs me that she’s not as tidy or fashion aware. Actually, it bugs me more that she asks me to help and then doesn’t bother following through with most of it. It almost seems a passive aggressive thing when she’s upset about something.

@Zoe

No matter what woman you choose to have in your life for the rest of your life, she is going to have to accomodate your relationship with your children. That’s part of you and it’s important. It comes with the territory. I’m sorry that you don’t have your kids in your life every night. That must really hurt.

Then she shouldn’t have to make up an excuse. How about a second birthday dinner at a nice restaurant with you, GF, and the birthday girl? Why should she put herself in an uncomfortable situation? Is it to please your daughter or is it really to prove something to you?

She’s great with the kids and they love her. But yeah, she should be there to please my daughter and to prove to me that she’s willing to be in a somewhat awkward situation and be there for me and my daughter. It’s not like this is the last birthday party my kids are ever going to have and it’s not like my ex and dickless are going anywhere anytime soon.

@Zoe

Honestly, the reason that you’ve given for being with her doesn’t sound like anything to build a marriage on. I hope you find some peace of mind soon.

No it really doesn’t, does it. :dubious:

Talking this out anonimously helps. I have friends and family to talk to about these things but they could not be as objective as a few well meaning but less vested strangers. Even if a few of you still insist that helping with a wardrobe crisis is not controlling, bizzare or sick. I’d dearly love a peak inside your closets. :dubious:

[QuickSilver]

Dammit! :smack:
…Even if a few of you still insist that helping with a wardrobe crisis is controlling, bizzare and sick.

[cherry]

Quicksilver, my exboyfriend helped organize my closet by colours and outfits because he is a good dresser and knows what matches and I dont. If it were up to me I’d wear black all the time. I dont find it abnormal for you to do that for her, to me, it isnt any different than a female friend helping me with the same outfit matching. But now there is “What Not to Wear” on BBC so I am getting more clued in.

[Helen_s_Eidolon]

Pshh, my boyfriend is definitely my wardrobe consultant. Do you guys really not ask stuff like: “Which shirt looks better with these pants?”

[QuickSilver]

@cherry

Quicksilver, my exboyfriend helped organize my closet by colours and outfits because he is a good dresser and knows what matches and I dont. If it were up to me I’d wear black all the time. I dont find it abnormal for you to do that for her, to me, it isnt any different than a female friend helping me with the same outfit matching. But now there is “What Not to Wear” on BBC so I am getting more clued in.

Thanks Cherry.

I wondered how people would react if instead of clothes I said that I helped her with cooking and food presentation skills. You know, which foods go well together. Which combinations of spices are complimentary, winter/summer dishes, wine choices, etc…

I think I know which show you mean. It’s where the guy and girl team basically trash (literally) the clothes of the person they are trying to re-style. I find the woman to be shrill and annoying but what’s worse are the people who agonize over how to spend the $5,000 credit card they get. I’d burn through it in 2.5 hours and coming back for a credit increase.

[Zoe]

QuickSilver, hey, you are talking to a woman who once had a closet just for earth toned clothes. Maybe you should go into style consultation. Women love advice from men and would glady pay for it. You could start it on the side and see how it goes.

[cherry]

@QuickSilver

Thanks Cherry.
I think I know which show you mean. It’s where the guy and girl team basically trash (literally) the clothes of the person they are trying to re-style. I find the woman to be shrill and annoying but what’s worse are the people who agonize over how to spend the $5,000 credit card they get. I’d burn through it in 2.5 hours and coming back for a credit increase.

Oh no, Im talking about the British version with Trinni and Susannah. They have some very helpful books out as well. Me and my sisters love this show. And I’d have no problem spending 2000 pounds in London.