[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th]
That is what we are trying to figure out --what is the source of the anxiety? The job, or my overall perfectionistic/performance issues? What if it’s both?
[/QUOTE]
Then it’s both.
Hurt or loss? I’m voting for loss. But what are you losing? Credibility with your peers? Money? (And remember, you don’t actually have to lose money to fear losing it.) Personal time?
olivesmarch4th, I know that this is a job that you wanted and worked hard for. But just keep in mind that it’s only a job and your health and happiness is much more important - especially if you guys can get by without the income.
And for Og’s sake, get to a doctor! A couple of years ago I started to have panic attacks at work every day for absolutely no reason. The anti-depressents I went on took care of that almost immediately. Maybe the job isn’t even the problem, but you’ll need a professional to help you figure that out.
{{{hug}}}
[QUOTE=Risha]
But just keep in mind that it’s only a job and your health and happiness is much more important
[/QUOTE]
This needs to be repeated.
Olives, it sounds like this job is not for you at this time. Being a perfectionist is probably part of your problem as well. Perfectionism is the root of many an evil for people with mental health issues.
I hope to have time to check back to this thread later…swamped at work today. But please hang in there! This too shall pass, really it will.
Quit the job. It seems to me that a job that counsels folks with debt problems probably reinforced the idea that you must have that job to get by. I also know that working in non-profit is VERY stressful, because my wife works in non-profit and has gotten burned out by a few non-profit jobs.
It is a consumer credit counseling service that offers free debt counseling and education, and cheap debt consolidation – but also offers bankruptcy counseling as well. 60% of the call volume is bankruptcy. Fessie I really appreciate your supportive words in this thread.
This is the real irony. I have no burning desire to do anything that involves money. The reason I wanted this job is because it was a nonprofit and I would have the opportunity to use Spanish. Help people + use Spanish. That’s all I wanted to do. This job has nothing to do with my future career goals whatsoever, except that it allows me to use Spanish.
I talked to my husband, we agree that I might be having independent anxiety issues, but the job is not healthy for me either way. I have decided to quit. I called my boss but didn’t get an answer, so I will call back later I guess.
I will feel much better once I have broken the news, I can feel the sense of relief just waiting to kick in. I really just need to rest. I feel gutted right now. I hate letting people down, but I really just am not meant to work in a call center. And the fact that my commute every day is 2 hours round trip doesn’t help.
I totally understand, and I bet others do, too. That sounds like an excellent decision.
Sometimes a job is not at all what we think it’s going to be. I’ve had that experience, too.
Glad to be of help; we’re all in this together. 
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th]
The job is not really what I thought it was going to be.
[/QUOTE]
AND THAT’S OK. I’m proud of you for trying it and prouder that you are taking care of yourself instead of worrying about what others might think or what it means about you. You tried something that seemed right, and it didn’t turn out that way. The relief you feel specific to the job means you did the right thing.
You want to help people and use your Spanish? I’m sure there are other non-profits that can use bilingual folks. When you’re ready.
Even if you are quitting the job, go see the doctor.
[QUOTE=gigi]
AND THAT’S OK.
[/QUOTE]
Well put.
Years ago I got my dream job, also taking calls from people with problems. Great pay, what I thought would be great fun, great people, great job.
And I hated it. I was never comfortable with my skill set, and I was never comfortable with the sweat shop mentality. I put up with two years of that crap, then left it for something else I was much more suited to, and for a ton more money.
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th]
I will feel much better once I have broken the news, I can feel the sense of relief just waiting to kick in. I really just need to rest. I feel gutted right now. I hate letting people down, but I really just am not meant to work in a call center. And the fact that my commute every day is 2 hours round trip doesn’t help.
[/QUOTE]
Go take a nap, cuddle the kitties/puppies/goldfish/what have you. You tried it, it didn’t work out, no harm, no foul.
Get your mental health healthy, then you can start anew. To quote Scarlett O’Hara, “Tomorrow is another day!”
I’m glad you decided to quit. I went through a job-related depression in 2001. Sapped me dry. Deep, dark, relentless despair. Even though you might have a long history with your moods, it’s still pain. Maybe this time it was your body’s way of telling you you needed to quit and that it’s not worth it (and to take it easy!). I wish you all the best, and hope you make a fast recovery.
Take it from me, there’s always a way to make things work. There are people around you that love you and will support you and your SO. A job is so not worth getting bent out of shape over.
[QUOTE=Zebra]
Even if you are quitting the job, go see the doctor.
[/QUOTE]
Seconded. Quitting the job will probably make you feel tons better (my husband, also the perfectionist type, went through something similar earlier this year and it helped immediately). But it also probably won’t get rid of all of the anxiety and depression. A professional can help.
Another voice saying that you have done the right thing in deciding to leave the job,
Olives. I had a moment like that once. I got into my car at the end of the work day and sat slumped over the steering wheel, crying uncontrollably. I finally started the car and bumped into a pillar in the parking garage and dented my car, and I didn’t even care because I was so depressed.
It sounds like that particular job is so not the right thing for you at this time. You will find other ways to use Spanish and help people that are not so draining.
Right now, congratulate yourself on having the sense to make a good decision, rest and relax, breathe, and love.
And things will get better. The seriously depressed woman I used to be has metamorphosed into a happy person. When the walls of the chrysalis close in, remember that when it’s time for you to break through them, you will have wings.
Hiya. Not much to add thats not already been said but having been in this situation (I was brushing my teeth one morning when it kicked me in the chops) you are doing right thing.
Good luck!
trmatthe
Good grief, lady! 2 hour commute, 9 hour shifts listening to stressed out people - I am glad you have decided to let the job go. Your health is much more important!
Well, I talked to my boss. I told him it wasn’t working out.
He asked why, and I told him way more than I really expected to, I told him I had a history of anxiety and I was experiencing a lot related to the job, and that it was my first job out of college.
And he said they really don’t want me to go, and they’ve loved having me, and in his personal opinion I am doing excellent at the job and am the ideal employee with a lot of potential. He says I am not only truly compassionate toward the clients, but I am always asking questions and trying to improve, and he is totally impressed by that. He said my anxiety has not impacted by ability to do my job at all. He basically said they would work with me in any way I needed to feel more comfortable at the job, and that he understood my anxiety was real because he had experienced the same thing himself when he started working there, and he also said it was normal to experience those feelings when moving into the work force for the first time (this is my first actual job.)
And I didn’t really know what to say. My boss basically is the nicest person on the planet, and he pretty much point blank told me that my fears that I’m not good at this are completely imagined.
I asked him if I could have a few days to get some emotional distance and think it over, and he said absolutely.
So that’s where I’m at right now. I guess I have to really sit down and figure out where the anxiety related to this job is coming from. I have to determine exactly what is so stressful about it and whether or not that’s something I can work on, or whether it’s inherent in the job.
I realize I’ve been all across the board on this job, and it’s hard, because I never know when is the right time to trust my emotions. That comes with the territory when you have mental health issues. You can’t trust your feelings to ‘‘guide you’’ anywhere.
So that’s my situation. I’m going to a Halloween Party on Saturday and tonight I’m just going to relax and not deal with it. The weekend should be restorative no matter what.
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th]
So that’s where I’m at right now. I guess I have to really sit down and figure out where the anxiety related to this job is coming from. I have to determine exactly what is so stressful about it and whether or not that’s something I can work on, or whether it’s inherent in the job.
[/QUOTE]
My opinion is that it’s the 2-hour commute and the 9-hour days. But that’s just a guess.
My friend had a job she hated for years. Only she didn’t know she hated it. She was great at it and she worked there forever, but all she ever did was complain about it and cry about it. It stressed her out.
She went to school and got her teaching degree and got all sorts of great teaching jobs. She loved teaching and hated her job. All she ever did was complain and cry about it. It stressed her out.
She quit teaching and went back to the original job in a new position. All she ever did was complain and cry about it. It stressed her out.
She got a job at a different place, doing a similar thing. She hated it. She quit after one week (although…it did stress her out).
After 10 years of this bullshit from her, listening to her complain and cry about her job and seeing her be all stressed out, I’d given up. “Obviously, it’s you!” I thought.
Well she got a new job a year ago. Closer to home, less hours, still doing the same stuff she’d done at the other 2 non-teaching job. She LOVES it. Every time I ask her about her job, she says how much she loves it. She it totally great and totally relaxed and fun to be around.
So it turns out it WASN’T her - she wasn’t just a whiny bitch. She wasn’t just a pessimist. She just DID NOT FIT IN WITH THOSE OTHER JOBS. That was all it was. The environment, the tasks, the location, the hours - something didn’t jibe with her.
You might just not fit with this job. There’s just something that doesn’t fit with you. Doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or lazy or bad at your job or anything. It just doesn’t fit with you. Maybe you’d like the same job but closer to home with less hours. Maybe you’d like the same job (spanish translation over the phone) but not in credit counseling. Maybe you would like a different job altogether.
You’re young enough and financially stable enough to find the job that suits you right now. It’s not worth all of the heartache you put yourself through to prove something to yourself. You’re only hurting yourself by sticking with something you’re just not cut out for.
Good luck!
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th]
I realize I’ve been all across the board on this job, and it’s hard, because I never know when is the right time to trust my emotions. That comes with the territory when you have mental health issues. You can’t trust your feelings to ‘‘guide you’’ anywhere.
[/QUOTE]
I know exactly what you mean.
Enjoy your party!
Whatever you decide to do, I hope you feel proud of the time that you were able to work for 9 hours a day with a 2 hour commute. That’s an impressive achievement for most people, I think. Or at least it would be for me. So congratulations on that. And kudos for trying something new as well. . . regardless of the outcome.