I'm in the ER waiting for labs and saline hookup. Guess the diagnosis?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Like bich of flu 2 days, feel beat up, fever and chills, near nauseated constantly. Woke at 4 am ate, water, bloaty nausea, drank Maalox. Was afraid (woosy-ed out) to drink water more than sips for fear of hurling.

Check in in a daze at 3:30. Like desert island thirst, besides body and stomach pain. Worried for hydration in general, and in particular didn’t take diabetes pills or bipolar pills. Plus lack of nutrition ng for sugar.

Walked in, glucose 280. Begged for saline bag, etc, refused. Stomach muscles clenched like in sit-up for last x hours, which I hadn’t even noticed.

Palpation very very ouchy on lived–long ago diagnosed w/ benign fatty liver, so nothing new there. X-ray for lung fluid. Nothing. Resident gets sonogram worries about gall bladder. His boss comes in, palpates, says liver is enlarged. Asks if I want cat scan now or weight for bloods. I choose wait. after nibing on ice (what a blessing!) and letting chips melt on my head, saline just ordered.

I want to be brined!

Ok, fans, such is the presentation. Comments from the peanut gallery much appreciated. My wife won’t be here for an hour. And I do feel better than when I came in.

2

No idea but hope you’re back on your feet soon! Get Well!

3

If your doctor looks like Hugh Laurie, I’m going to say it isn’t lupus. But then again, if your doctor looks like Hugh Laurie, you’re also lying about something. Let me go break into your house and look for drugs, pet feces, or killer mold.

Until then, good luck to you. :slight_smile:

4

The alien is almost ready to burst from your chest.

Or else, the flu.

Regards,
Shodan

PS - Prayers for your health.

5

Treif?
:slight_smile:

6

Common flu, and dehydration.
Get well soon!

7

I’d be surprised if your “diagnosis” is not the same as your chief complaint.

8

Two ER docs slumming as radiologists came in with the bestest ultrasound on the floor to do it all over again. Spent leisurely hike all over finding veins losing the gall bladder temporarily flipping me for kidneys, and wandered around the heart for good measure.

One said my right (liver) side looks like a football is there relative my normal svelte god-like symmetric curved torso.

Was bagged finally, just drank a tin of spiked water for CT, to begin in “30-45 minutes.”
Spiked with 240 mg Omnipaque, which I presume is named for omni opaque, (I’ll also get iv’d with radio opaque juice, naturally. Unless “Omnipaque” was named by French Christian shamans, and is to provide an omni-Easter experience.

The thirst issue is now solved, even after my wife refused to give me some diet coke because she asked a nurse. We quickly made up about it, though.

Where’s Gauss and The Mercotan, goddamnit? What am I keeping them on retainer for?

9

I concur!

(My favorite line from “Catch Me If You Can”- “I shoulda said I concurred! :smack:”

Feel better soon.

10

I’m guessing you’re pregnant.

11

Given your user name, kidneys.

12

Friends, thanks for posts and wishes. Got out of ct 30 min ago.

I would like to respond to some posts with further badinage, as well as provide an update. It’s not officially shit just got real, but I’ve been drifting in and out of interesting and uncomfortable fever dreams (conked out in CT d

13

Sounds like coreopsis has started to set in!

14

:: half repeat post; didn’t realize I was editing time out ::
Friends, thanks for posts and wishes. Got out of ct 30 min ago.

I would like to respond to some posts with further badinage, as well as provide an update. It’s not officially shit just got real, but I’ve been drifting in and out of interesting and uncomfortable fever dreams (conked out in CT toroidal thing (I wanted to discuss its geometry here).

I’m burning up (more later) worse than this afternoon. But I read 98.2–wtf?

Plus I’ve had not nutrition, glucose, nutting since 4 am. Could that be plain old hunger wooziness in addition?

2 liters of 0.9% brine.

I do my chickens in 5% by weight of water bath.

I can’t leave without acknowledging the kidneys that were in my mind, like my hero. Nutty hen cod roes he liked also, and I said once here I would post about finding them myself. But I feel now my gorge rising. Pah! (Cite, anyone?)

Seriously thanks to all my virtual friends. I’m going to check into sleep now if I can. Don’t know if I’m staying the night. I’m on my second 650-mg ibuprofen, which has done a whole lot of bupkis.

Maybe I ate bath salts w/o knowing today? But I don’t feel like eating anybody’s faces. I was mean and made that joke to my wife and upset her. I publicly apologize (in case you ever read this my love).

Leo

15

Hope you wake up un-eaten and with an appetite, Leo. Best wishes.

16

Is this a variant on Firesign Theatre’s “Beat the Reaper”? :smiley:

17

Thinking lovely kidney ‘n’ liver thoughts in your direction.

18

Melancholy.
I recommend bleeding with leaches, a mustard poultice, and a few drams of brandy thrice a day.

Put an onion under your pillow and sleep with your feet uncovered just to be on the safe side.

19

Leprosy

20

Very pleasant man woke me, like nice angel brought me cool pack. Put it on my head, experienced ammonium nitrate and water in my eye. New level of brief intense liquid pain in eye, surpassing the time I got a taste of my own medicine so to speak, when I touched my eye with a cum-covered finger (for further information search for a GQ thread o OP’ed on why that hurts so much).

Anyway, same nice guy goes to inquire on my status after my wife asked. (Apparently some sort of big-ass trauma thing was going on–mine shaft explosion? Family in a thresher? Gang warfare?), so nobody’s around. We haven’t seen a doctor or gotten results of anything yet. Guy–a “patient rep” comes back and cheerfully tells us that everything’s moving nicely, surgery’s been notified and is ready.

Cue vapors from Mrs. Bloom, and I’m laughing, as this guy just made a big oops.

Chases down PA. So: update for those playing along at home: white blood cell count at 17, whatever that means, but enough to keep me upstairs and get pumped.

You pass? Ok, next clue, a big one. Hint: is it inflammation or infection (see another, more recent GQ OP of mine where I was brutally corrected in what those words meant, and how it cost me doing the dishes).

Next hint: CT shows “darkening in my bowels.” PA reports: radiologist said nothing, bigger shot said…ready…

Small bowel obstruction. I’m telling you, if it is it’s too much ducking matzo. My wife felt guilty that it was a particularly bad matzo brei breakfast from last weekend. I told her we’ll have to see what pathology dredges up.

So, big shot radiologist calls surgeon. That’s what the silly man misunderstood when he said “surgery is prepared for you.” Surgeon wants to make the call after he pokes me. Note refers to him/her as a department: surgery will be down here in about an hour.

She also said maybe instead of a surge, if indeed I have this whatever, is to suck it out through a tube from my nose down to my stomach.

The surgery sounds better, frankly.