I'm just a guy trying to get laid - Won't someone help?

[astro]

I’m just a guy trying to get laid

Can’t you spare a measly little dollar to help this poor soul get laid? He’s loseriffic!

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mike, and I am a complete and utter pathetic loser. I am twenty-four years old, short, pudgy, balding, poor and have nearly nothing to offer a member of the opposite sex. During my life I have met precious few women charitable enough to sleep with my ugly bloated carcass. Both the quality and the quantity of these women have been, shall I say, severely lacking.

I am just a poor unattractive guy looking for a little help. A little cash to pay a cover or supersize a new ladies meal. As much as I love spending a Friday night with Taco Bell and Grand Theft Auto, I’d rather be having sex.

This is where you come in. I’m looking for some donations to help revive my comatose sex life. Maybe if I had some nice new clothes and some cash to take a woman out to Sizzler I could achieve my life long goal, to actually have sex with someone attractive. I’m getting a little weepy.

[Doomtrain]

You can’t play GTA and have sex? Am I going to have to get rid of my PS2? It hasn’t changed my sex life…yet.

[ResIpsaLoquitor]

Oh, for pity’s sake. Here’s a fun one from the guy’s journal:

So far my donations are far less than my total cost in bandwidth this month and I still may end up having to take it down on the 31st if I don’t get enough money to keep it open, but enough about that, that’s not why you’re reading my site.

The time and money this guy spends worrying about his problem could be better spent DOING something about his problem. And selling his copy of Grand Theft Auto on eBay might raise his revenue as well.

Idiot. (I say that speaking as someone who, five years ago, would have been in this guy’s shoes. I also say that, speaking as someone who’s about a month away from proposing to his girlfriend. Booyah!)

[typhoon]

*Originally posted by astro *
[Can’t you spare a measly little dollar to help this poor soul get laid?

No.

[ladyfoxfyre]

Originally posted by typhoon
No.

I’ll second that.

[Eva_Luna]

*Originally posted by ladyfoxfyre *
**I’ll second that. **

I’ll third that. How does this guy not understand that his whiny attitude is his biggest obstacle?

(At first I thought the thread was going to be astro complaining he couldn’t get laid. I was all set for another round of personals ad-writing advice.)

[Siege]

Paging Leslie Fish – we have a new line for her song, These Are Not The Ways To Get Laid. If he’s serious (a horrendous thought!), then I’d have to say that I figure he’s probably getting the same quality he’s giving. Sorry, lads, I ain’t that desparate!

CJ

[dajah]

if he sucks so bad at picking up women, maybe he should invest this money into a nice-looking hooker?

at least his odds of “success” would be guareeed.
i think.

[Doomtrain]

He’d do better spending his hosting fees on going out. And it’s not hard to pick up women. You just toss em over your shoulder and run off yelling “Ook! Ook! Ook!”

[clayton_e]

*Originally posted by dajah *
**if he sucks so bad at picking up women, maybe he should invest this money into a nice-looking hooker?
**

That’s what I thought it was supposed to be for until later in the thread.

[peterW]

Reminds me of the woman asking for donations to pay off her credit cards. Different reason, same scam?

[BuckleberryFerry]

Shucks, I thought I was finally getting my chance with Astro. ::snaps fingers::

[LurkMeister]

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mike, and I am a complete and utter pathetic loser. I am twenty-four years old, short, pudgy, balding, poor and have nearly nothing to offer a member of the opposite sex. During my life I have met precious few women charitable enough to sleep with my ugly bloated carcass. Both the quality and the quantity of these women have been, shall I say, severely lacking.

Let me see…in 1976 this pretty much described me, except that I wasn’t balding and at that point had met no women charitable enough to sleep with my “ugly bloated carcass.”

Oh, and I had enough self-esteem to not judge my worth based on my sex life. Or lack thereof.

[Kat]

I have found short, pudgy, balding, poor guys attractive before. Because they had these things called “personalities”. They were sweet or funny or intelligent or some combination thereof. Perhaps this Mike guy needs to invest in a personality transplant?

[beckwall]

*Originally posted by BuckleberryFerry *
**Shucks, I thought I was finally getting my chance with Astro. ::snaps fingers:: **

Same here. What a drag. I already put on the satin sheets and poured us a bowl of Tostitos. Dang. Guess I’ll put the whipped cream back in the fridge.

[Astroboy14]

Damn!

That guy stole my idea for a website! Bastard!

(Don’t tell Astrogirl… she’d kill me!)

[Astroboy14]

*Originally posted by beckwall *
**Same here. What a drag. I already put on the satin sheets and poured us a bowl of Tostitos. Dang. Guess I’ll put the whipped cream back in the fridge. **

NO!

Don’t put the whipped cream away yet!

Would I do? After all, I have all that astro has, AND a capitalization and a “boy14”!

[astro]

*Originally posted by Astroboy14 *
**NO!

Don’t put the whipped cream away yet!

Would I do? After all, I have all that astro has, AND a capitalization and a “boy14”! **

I… I feel so indequate in the face of your awesome tag team of a capital A and an 14 year old boy :eek:. Please tell me all he does is hold the towels.

[Doomtrain]

He’s the cabana boy…

[Fang]

Hmmm…short, pudgy, balding? Maybe Marisa Tomei would be interested.