I'm lonely

I’m tired of being up so late, because when I go to bed I cry. I’m tired of having no one who knows me and is really interested. I’m tired of knowing that I have done everything I can and I still can’t convince the man I love to really trust me. I’m tired of wondering if I have a future, and – if so – is it alone? Do I have to settle for second-best because my love can’t make up his mind? I’ve been honest and I’ve been fair – even he would admit that – and none of it makes any difference. I wish I was a pessimist. Hoping is hurting too much.

Wish I had something to say to make you feel better, Sassy. I don’t have anything but a hug for you. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sassy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]


I’ve so been there. Everyone who’s ever been depressed has and I have some idea what you’re going through, so I empathize 100%. I also know that telling you to cheer up won’t help (obviously, if you could cheer yourself up, you would.) So I’ll just say this:

All my love,

P.S. If you want to talk, check my profile for my email or ICQ number. I’m a good listener.

If he can’t “make up his mind”, maybe he’s not the “first-best”?

I had a simlar situation. She couldn’t make up her mind. Then she left me for another woman. Thank the gods I didn’t marry her!

Oh. When I said “another woman”, I didn’t mean to imply that I’m a woman! I meant, she’s a woman, and she left me for a woman.

I really don’t know what to say to a nice woman such as yourself when she’s feeling down.

IRL, I find running a bath, rubbing her feet and cooking her dinner does wonders.

I’m sorry I can’t do it for you, Sassy.


If it helps you to know that there are others out there going through somewhat similar circumstances (are lonely, hurting, terrified about the future), take it from me, there are.

Hang in there, and try to find ways to make tomorrow a better day. It’s all we can do.

This has already been said, but I figure I may as well add my name to the ever-growing pile.

If you’re on AIM or email and you want to talk, feel free. Going through this kind of thing before means some of us know how to get through it with minimal damage done, or at least less than usual.

I know how you feel, Sassy.

Believe me, I know


Listen Sassy, I don’t want to be a wet blanket, but from your OP it sounds like you have very low self-esteem. You have to ask yourself what you are doing chasing a guy who soesn’t seem to care for you. Why don’t you ask him to kick you while you are at it? Tell that looser to get lost, and buck up. If you want someone to appreciate you and love you, you first have to love and appreciate yourself. I don’t know you, and have never seen a picture of you, but I can bet you don’t walk with your shoulders back and with a spit-in-your-eye look. The most attractive persons (not only women) are those who A) take care of their appearance, B) Are confident, and cheerful. Take a look at an old Doris Day movie, not the most beautiful actress by a long shot, but always appeared bright-eyed and cheerful, shoulders up breasts out and walked with that “strut” that is the hallmark of a woman who is self-assured and desireable. I never liked her myself (I am one gentleman who doesn’t prefer blondes) but her qualities are obvious.

All of this is to say that in my opinion you should stop looking outside yourself and start looking inward. If I might recommend, get one of Deepak Chopra’s books about spiritual healing or even Norman Vincent Peal’s “The Power of Positive Thinking”

One thing to remember: You CAN do it, you CAN turn your life around, you only have to beleive in YOURSELF.

The collary is that YOU must beleive in YOURSELF before anyone else will beleive in you.

Of course you can say that I am full of the stuff that makes the grass grow green, but thats my 2cents worth.


This guy can’t make up his mind, and this is a good reason to ditch him because he might be going behind your back and causing you harm. He’s not worth it if he won’t trust you. Life is full of ups and downs, and you’re in a down time. Just try to take life with a grain of salt and look at what’s going right in it.


Sassy -

You know I know how you feel, hon. And I wish there was a magic word I could say to make it all better for both of us. But…I can’t. You know I’m here, via email, AIM, or ICQ if you need me. Take care, hon…I’ll be worried about you.



I wanted to say something warm and comforting, something to take away what you feel but I really have not got the language skills to express what I would want to say.

Maybe very few people have.

Many people have felt the same, lost, uncertain, wondering and needing like an ache from deep within.

Think about the friends you do have, they love you.


Hang in there, Sassy! I’ve been there too, and it does get better.

::hugs Sassy::

I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time. But rough times pass, they really do. Please don’t do what I did: wasted 5 years in hell, so numbed by misery it felt normal, waiting for “things to get better”.

You a beautiful woman, but more importantly you’re a fine, funny, vital, decent person. Every day, month and year that goes by, you can never get back. I’m not presuming to judge anything about your relationship, because I don’t know much about it and don’t have the right anyway.

But when a fine, loving person is being made miserable and lonely in a relationship, there’s a problem–but it may not be your problem, or something you can solve. If the fullest, finest love can’t “make up his mind”, sounds to me like he’s the one with the problem.

Read the board here. There are plenty of fine, decent men who’d be giddy with joy to have a fine, gorgegous, great woman love them. If the BF is trampling your pearls under his insensitive hooves, his lack, never yours.

All comfort to you. If it helps, you have plenty of pretty finicky, opinionated friends here who think you hung the moon and the stars.



You don’t know me, but I am sending you lots of positive and self-affirming thoughts. You deserve better than this, and I am sure that someday you will get it. In the meantime, you have my prayers and a hug.


Dwell on your best attributes, and start to look at this as HIS problem, not yours. It is hard, but work at it. Regardless of the situation, beefing up your self esteem can only help the relationship, or allow you to let it go and find a better one.



Sassy, everyone says it gets better, ask them when? Then tell me so I know how long I have to wait for “better”

Nanno, it gets better when you finally come to the realization that NO relationship is better than a bad relationship.

Some people say that when you get to that point, the right one comes along and everything is rosy. This did not happen for me, but I have to tell you that after I got there, I got to feeling content, and happy, and fulfilled. I have a good life, and although I do not rule out the possibility of a man in my life, if it never happens I will be fine. I will miss many wonderful things, granted, but I will also miss lots of aggravation.

It is not necessary to be a couple to be happy. It just takes some work.


Nanno, the “better” epiphany is purely individual. Speaking as a certified dolt, I had to be slammed across the teeth with a 2x4 to quit being a martyr and stop the crap, already.

Right now, I’m totally blissed. Talk about mundane dreams! They aren’t extravagent, but I glory, positively glory in peaceful days and modest achievements, without the constant, numbing drain of caretaking, assaults on pride and pure exhaustion.

If there’s one thing this place has taught me, it’s the invaluable lesson of how many wonderful people there are, male and female, out there. No doubt about it, I picked a lemon and stupidly refused to admit it was awful. My “enough” took way too long.

But “enoughs” can come faster if friends are around. It’s purely individual, but damned if concerned friends can’t help identify the obvious, and help through the aftermath.