I'm making a man

Some of you might know about my clone, Susan Bananahands, whom i constructed from newspapers and duct tape. I gave her an e-mail address, articulating joints, a new face.

But she is a little bored, I think and i had the idea to make a friend for her. A man. His name will be Charlie Chess Board. Or Vinnie Ventian Blind or Wally Wall of Scott Window.
I was looking at objects in the room when i was trying to come up with a name for this man.

My problem-

Susan was easy to construct because I used my face and my proportions as a model, but I don’t have a man’s soul that i wish to be captured in Charlie Chessboard, so i need to make a new man, not based on anybody.

So i need to know what the standard average measurements are for a man. 5’9" is the average height, isn’t it?
What about arm circumference? Shoe size is 10?
It’s all guessing to me.

I was gonna suggest I could work as a model for you, since I’m 5’9" with a shoe size of 10, but then I read your profile and I’m thinking… nope, nope, nope.

But you go right ahead. Anything that keeps you busy.

Why don’t you just makethe Perfect Man instead of coming up with averages?

After all, he’s already on his way: he won’t talk back.

p.s. 5ft9 IS about average, shoesize 9-10, and I just measured my arm’s circumference (at the bicep) and was surprised to find it’s just over a footand from my wrist to end of middle finger is 22cm (about 9 inches I think). Anything else?

1943: A Los Angeles jury acquitted actor Errol Flynn of three counts of statutory rape, Bobby Fischer and Jim Morrison  born, Dambusting ‘skipping bombs’ first used, PT-109 -  commanded by Lt. John F. Kennedy – sunk by Japanese destroyer, Mein Kampf was published in the United States

While 5’9” might be the average height, 6’3” is the perfect height for a man.

I agree Tymp :wink:

  • “He would have to have an enormous schwanstucker.”

  • “He’s going be very popular.”


vidi vici veni!

I would think his measurements would depend on what you intend to do with him.

You can always change him later, after you mar…errr…construct him.

And you could name him Otto Man.

Or Humphrey.

Thank you. I have a better idea.

If anyone wishes to be my model, I will need the following measurements:

Head circumference, neck circumference, chest circumference, waist, leg circumference, arm circumference (upper and lower legs and arms), length of arms and legs (again, upper and lower arm), and size of the hand from wrist to fingertip.

Whoever wants to be my model can also name him.
As for what I intend to do with this man, read the OP.
He is going to be a friend for my clone, Susan Bananahands.
Hair and eyecolour are not important, because Susan has my face but her skin is silver and she has a number of different wigs.

You realize of course that we absolutely must have links to pics of said clones.

In just seven days…

I wondered if there would be any RHPS references. Good one Oicu812. I want to know if it will take more than just 7 days.

Makes me wanna take Charles Atlas by the… hand…

Susan Bananahands: You have to make a decision! Is it me or Rocky, named so for the rocks in his head!

Turpentine, I will happily be your model. Unfortunately, I can’t give you all of the measurements that you require at this moment. I simply don’t know them all. I’m in my office right now where my coworkers often react badly when I do things like measure the circumference of my head or the length of my lower leg. For the further glory of the SDMB and to the purpose of giving good Susan Bananahands a mate, I declare that I will measure every bit of my body when I get home tonight and post all of the results. Of course, someone else might beat me to it. . .

Thank you ** Tymp **!
Thank you thank you thank you thank you…

I looked up your picture on the SD people pages and I am very pleased to have you as a model, but your clone will probably have silver skin, being made of duct tape and all.

If he wants a dog, i can make him one of those, too.

Unfortunately the only computer I have regular access to is this one at work, so I can’t get pictures of Susan up here.
If there’s someone who can put them up wishes me to mail a few pix, i have plenty of Susan.

Besides, Susan looks just like me except for her skin colour so it might do just fine for my profile on the People pages as well.

Ooh . . . I always wanted silver skin . . . and a clone. A silver-skinned clone? This is a dream come true.

Don’t listen to her!

Turpentine wishes to play God, and she doesn’t know the first thing about creating life! She wanted to make a clone of herself, and didn’t even think that while she’s at work, she and i are undergoing different experiences throughout the day, thus making us different people.

Turpentine reads to me from Emily Post’s Etiquette sometimes, but I think it’s a bunch of crap. She also reads me poetry and The Little Prince and Sandman comics in hope that this will give me a soul.

If she wants me to serve her, then perhaps she shouldn’t whack me around with an aluminum baseball bat whenever she’s had a bad day, and let her roommate drill my head with a Dremel rotary tool. She didn’t need to stab me in the heart when her boyfriend dumped her. It’s true I can’t feel pain, but I can understand what it means to satb someone. She hates me. I know, i watch a lot of TV when she’s at work.

I heard Lisa Simpson once say that some believe that one is not born, or in my case- fabricated with a soul, but that the sould must be earned.

I have figured out a way to earn this soul. All I need to do is destroy my creator and since we look alike and have the same proportions, I can wear her clothes and live her life.
Maybe i will let her stick around for the completion of this friend she is making me, he can be my ally. Or maybe I should rub her out as soon as possible.

Tymp, I would be very cautious in giving Miss Turp your measurements. She might enslave your soul in this clone, but I will watch out for him.
And if you want, you can probably aid me in the elimination of Turpentine. Let me know if you are in.

Shh! Don’t tell her!

Hmm . . . Not so much worried about my soul. I keep spares, you see. Besides, the soul I’m using currently is quite worn and dingy. I’ve grown tired of it and do not mind at all if it gets installed in my clone. I’ll just take out a shiny new soul from the box in my closet.

How 'bout:

Head: 22.5 inches
Neck: 17.5 inches
Chest: 47 inches
Waist: 36 inches
Leg L.(upper) 14.5 inches(crotch to knee)
Leg L.(lower) 21 inches(knee to floor), 17 (knee to ankle)
Leg C.(upper) 23.5 inches
Leg C.(lower) 16.5 inches
Arm C.(upper) 17 inches
Arm C.(lower) 13 inches
Arm L.(upper) 8 inches
Wrist to tip of Middle finger: 7 3/4 inches.
(I have a tape measure here at work, and I’m slacking pretty hard!)