My cat’s not fat, him’s fluffy!
I like this one I heard on an Onion podcast that really cracked me.
I’m not bankrupt…
I’m “stimulating the natural process of starting over”.
I’m not cheap; I’m frugal (or broke)
I’m not over-eating, I’m under-gorging.
I’m not racist. I just hate people.
or
I’m not racist. I hate everybody.
I’m not your mother, I’m your boss.
Bumper sticker seen a few decades ago:
T-shirt slogan seen in a catalogue:
I’m not picking my nose. I’m stimulating my cerebral cortex.
He’s not crazy. He’s insane!
Just remembered one from years ago on this board:
“She doesn’t just have issues…she has a subscription.”
I’m not drunk, I’m socially lubricated.
Every week at church I have to say to the wisenheimers:
“No, I’m not French, I’m just wearing a beret.”
It’s the warmest hat I own.
I remember an interview with Johnathan Harris (Dr. Smith from Lost in Space), in which he was asked if he was British. “No, I’m not British, I’m just affected.”
He’s not gay, he’s German.