I'm not ________; I'm ________

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This all started last year when I signed up to do refreshments after the church services. When it was time for clean-up, I was pooped, and one of the nice ladies took pity on me and helped out.

“Where’s your brother?” she asked. “He should be here helping you.”

“Oh, he didn’t sign up for this. Just me.”

“Well, he should still be here. Lazy.”

“No, bro isn’t lazy. He’s just very protective of his energy.”

So, I end up telling this story to family* and friends, as I was very pleased with my spontaneous turn of phrase. The next thing I know, family and friends are reporting back that it’s been adopted by others. Co-worker’s husband swears he isn’t lazy about getting chores done. He’s just protective of his energy.

Some others I’ve used:

  • I don’t have ADD; I have neural diversity!

  • He’s not a 'ho. He’s a capitalist sexual entrepreneur.

So, what rationalizations do you use? Please share.
*The brother in question was faintly amused by all of this. It took him years to train me not to volunteer him for a project just because I was interested in it.

2

I’m not fickle. I just have a short attention span.

3

I’m not retarded. I’m otherwise engaged

4

I’m not a bitch; I just don’t like you very much.

5

My husband once replied to something I said by saying “I’m not stupid! Just ignorant!”

(I think I was correcting his English or something similar that, as a francophone, he was unfamiliar with)

6

I’m not broke; I’m badly bent!

7

I’m not deaf, I’m ignoring you.

8

Used this one in real life before:

“He’s not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. He’s a drunk.”

9

I’m not a procrastinator.

10

“I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way”
-Jessica Rabbit, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”

11

Once while outside on a patio at a bar I heard a girl claim:

I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a naughty lush.

12

My husband and I were not fighting. We were having a spirited discussion.

13

I’m not a person who never completes tasks; I’m

14

Back 35 years ago, when my father met the college drama instructor:

“He’s not gay, he’s just theatrical.”

15

Paraphrasing Homer Simpson:

I’m not a big fat jerk; I’m a gourmand. :smiley:

16

I’m not impotent, I’m tired … of you.

17

I’m not sleeping, I’m checking my eyelids for holes.

18

“To call me a misogynist would be unfair, as my attitude toward women is just a small facet of my general misanthropy.”

19

heh. Reminds me of a similar saying: “Why be racist, when there are so many perfectly valid reasons to dislike people on an individual basis?”

20

… wow. That is awesome.

I’m not overweight, I’m undertall.

I’m not old, I’m chronologically advanced.

I don’t have ADHD, I hav HEY! what’s that? Can I play with it?