[ol][li]Whiny children and the parents who encourage them.[/li]I’m on the bus and this kid and his father are sitting in front of me. “I don’t waaannaa take the bus. I waaannaa ride the train. Daaaddiieeee, I wanna ride the traaain. Why caaaan’t we take the traaaaain? I waaaant the traaaaain, Daaadieeee!” and the father spends the whole bus ride trying to placate the little whiner. “We’ll take the train back, I promise. Come here, let me give you a hug. Aww, I’m sorry.” Instead of throttling the little whiny fucker.
O.K., throttling is out of the question. The least he could have done was tell the kid to STOP FRIGGIN’ WHINING!
Or, two techniques that worked well with my kids: answer them back in the same tone of voice–“Well, I waaaannaa take the buuuuus. I don’t waaaana take the traaaaaain.”-- only be a whole lot more annoying then they are. Or tell them you can’t hear them when they talk like that. That always worked.
[li]If I ring the bell for the next stop, it stands to reason that I want to get off the damned bus.[/li]Excuse me? Excuse me, please. Ma’am, excuse me! Hello? Excuse me! Move, you fucking stupid bitch!
[li]Stop poking me, you pain in the ass co-worker![/li]If you want my attention, call my name. Do not poke me in the ribs. Especially don’t poke me in the ribs to point to your headphones and say “Funny!” I can’t hear it, you dumbass.
[li]EVERYBODY FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON’T FEEL WELL.[/li]No, I’m not going to smile. I don’t fucking feel like smiling. I feel like taking a sledgehammer to certain parts of my body. Of course I could take the sledgehammer to you instead.[/ol]
You need to perfect your Dagger Eyes. Watch Are You Being Served? (a Britcom, sometimes it’s on BBC and sometimes it’s on PBS) and observe the older woman’s Dagger Eyes. The character’s name is Mrs. Slocum. You will be able to recognize her because her hair will be tinted some Easter egg pastel color, such as lavender or mint green.
Or you could just take to carrying a fully charged cattle prod wherever you go. I think that this would provide amusement and valuable life lessons for everyone around you. Life lessons for those who won’t leave you alone, and amusement for everyone else (who will be cheering you on, more than likely, especially in the case of the whiny kid).
Ugh, I hear ya. I’m sick as a dog right now. I took all the energy I had to hail a cab to bring me home. At work if the receptionist is away from her desk, the phone rings through the PA system! Louder than the friggin’ fire alarm!
Receptionist is away today.
It took all my will power (and then some extra willpower I borrowed at a high interest rate), not to stand up and scream “shut the fuck up!!!” everytime someone called and you could feel the phone’s BALOOAALOOAAALOOAALOO through the fucking floor!
Bah! I’m sick and grumpy. My sinuses are so stuffed up I’ve been having fantasies about sticking the vaccuum cleaner up my nose.
Must be the medecine.
All women (I assume Biggirl is female, though there’s about a 50 percent chance I’m wrong) are capable of The Look. This is that look you give guys that automatically makes them beg for forgiveness, even if they’ve done nothing wrong. All Biggirl needs to do is tune The Look so that she can give it to everyone at will, thus creating The Look of Death or the “Oh Shit! When She Looks Like That, You Better Run!” Look.
Ah. Those again. I have wanted to do that. Or just pry out my sinus with a fork. Kinda like the Egyptians did way back when. Oh oh with migraines and my brother playing guitar. OH MY GOD. If I could walk or see, I would go downstairs in the garage, and smash the guitars in half. And put my foot through the drums. And break their necks. But quietly, as bones snapping in half is loud. Migraines do not like loud noises. And at school, I don’t know why people WILL NOT SHUT UP! Or why everyones voice is so high. Or why there are so many DAMN FLOURECENT LIGHTS! TO MANY! AHHH! screams
Oh, I hate whining, and my three kids all have a black belt in it! But I WILL tell them to knock it off before I knock them out, or that I don’t speak or understand Whinese. These two comments usually get a laugh from any adults nearby, and it does seem to work on the kids! (Sometimes, like you said, I just whine back at them–they REALLY hate that and it also seems to work.)
I have a dental infection and am having oral surgery tomorrow. I am not feeling all that great. Yesterday the company kicked off its annual employee satisfaction survey. Things were a little slow, so I started on the survey, but soon realized that I was choosing the most negative response to every question. I’m not that unhappy with my job, and I realized that I’m just pissed off at everybody and everything right now and was taking it out in the survey. The survey doesn’t have to be completed until the end of the month, so I decided to set it aside until I feel better.
Within a hour, my manager sends out email urging the group to complete the survey NOW so that we can be the first group in our division to have 100% participation. A lot of the survey questions are about management.
Statement: My manager likes to felch goats.
My current response: Strongly agree.
So I have not yet done the survey, but if my goat-felching manager comes around and berates me about that, he’s going to be one sorry-ass mofo.
The Egyptians did that? Did it work? What size fork do I use? How many tines should it have? Can I pry them out myself, or should I have my husband do it?
Well really, they used a long stick, and pulled out the brains out of a person, just through the nose, You might be able to do it with sinus though! I recomend getting a slender fork, or just getting a large metal pole with a sharp curved end.
Step 1: Have someone break your nose. This will help the large metal rod go up your nose.
Step 2: Stop bleeding and swelling from broken nose. Be sure the nose is nice and loose, but not very bloody, as blood often offends.
Step 3: Have a friend shine a light up your loose nose, to find your sinus cavities. Get a mirror, and you can watch too!
Step 4: Have your friend stick the long, slender fork up the nose. Tell them not to be shy, as those cavites have to be there somewhere!
Step 5: Once your friend has struck your sinus, have them use the curved fork, and try to yank the sinus down. If you feel pain more then 2 inches above your eyes, you know you have gone to far. Remeber, your sinus cavities are slightly above where your eyebrows meet!
Step 6: Ease your sinus down your nostrils. If you are having trouble, try vasine.
Step 7: Once you have gotton your sinus out, toss them in the trash!
Step 8: Clean up, and you are done! No more sinus to worry about!