I wouldn’t know. I’m invisable.
Jiminy Christmas, I can’t imagine cops threatening a civilian just for looking at them!! I certainly hope Hamish got some badge numbers memorized and reported to the police chief (chef des gendarmes or whatever you people have up there) for harassment. That’s appalling.
Re the OP, I, too,used to think that I was unattractive and unwantable, but that was the result of childhood abuse that (thank Zeus) I finally overcame (mostly).
This is very similar to my story. I wasn’t overweight growing up but I did go through a pretty bad ugly duckling stage. This was compunded by (adult) family members telling me I was ugly / fat / unlikely to ever get a boyfriend / etc.
I never really learned how to handle the eye flirt and I always felt clueless about how to respond. I was also slightly afraid that I was misinterpreting a casual glance as a flirt and didn’t want to make a fool of myself by flirting back.
Now I’m married and this just adds to the awkwardness. I still like getting the attention, but I have no idea how to respond now. Obviously I don’t flirt back but it just leaves me stumped about what to do in certain situations. For example, I got really girlied up recently to go to dinner with a friend (and have actually begun dressing more girly in general). This garnered more than the usual attention from people. As I was walking down the street, I was nervous about looking at or smiling at people (especially men) for fear I’d be sending off some kind of signal that would spiral into flirting that I would then have no idea how to handle. How do you say : “I’m flattered but not interested in you that way but I’m still a friendly person” with body language?
And how do you say “Wow, I just hijacked this thread and made it all about me and now feel like an ass”?
Don’t worry about it, tevya; I didn’t feel like you did that.
I wasn’t overweight growing up, but I was quite a late bloomer. I didn’t date until I was almost 17, and I’ve had very few boyfriends, only two of which would be considered attractive. (The first guy was a beautiful hardbody, but he was dumb as a box of rocks.) The second one was in English lit. class. I was sitting at the front of the room, and I didn’t know anyone. A girl at the back was answering a question, so I was turned around to listen to her. This absolutely gorgeous guy sitting in front of her kept looking at me, and all I could think of was, “Guys like that don’t look at girls like me.” I assumed he kept looking at me because I was looking at him.
About a week later, he asked me out. Turns out he was checking me out!
A year later, we got married. Eight years after that, we’re still married. 
Tevya, Throatshot, I hear you.
Although I’ve been told numerous times that I’m a beautiful woman, I still can’t understand the idea that someone might look at me in admiring way.
I figure they’re looking at me because you don’t see freaks like me everyday.
I think I need some therapy.
Crap! and here I thought those second looks from the ladies were a good thing. Thank you for fucking up my day scott evil 
Pish tosh. A lovely thought, but hardly true (OK, perhaps for a few souls out there, but I haven’t met them yet.)
I don’t have to imagine - it’s happened to me. It’s unsettling of course, but the fact of the matter is - hey, they just came up and talked to me! Wow! I don’t look for reasons to back out of the conversation just so I can beat myself up about being such a dork later. And I don’t suddenly launch into a tirade of self-doubt. The fact remains - the person I looked at and thought was way out of my league is buying me a drink. Cool! 
Who says I’m not. Tact and subtlety have never been my strong points.
Esprix
That’s abusrd. do what I do when an unattractive guy looks at me; I pay no attention. That usually gives the hint. If he comes up and talks to me, I talk back in a polite, but guarded, fashion. It costs nothing to be nice. If he gets a little forward, I just say that I’m not interested.
Of course, following you into the john is just tacky.
See…I do all of the bad things. I tend to miss being picked up on because I assume no one could ever possibly be interested in me (I mean, I’m turned off by the way I look, so everyone else must be, too, right? :rolleyes: at self)
That, and I’m utterly clueless about human relationships, anyway.
Wow, if that’s the way it works, I’m pretty glad not to be gay. Staring is rude.
Ladies and gentlemen, Space Vampire.
Did you miss all the straight people relaying similar stories?
From the VERY FIRST GODDAMN SENTENCE OF THE OP:
Um, yeah, Space. Whatever. :rolleyes:
And when people I’m not attracted to hit on me, I take it for what it’s intended to be - a compliment. I don’t get them that often, so even if I’m not going to give him my phone number, that doesn’t mean I have to be mean. (Unless, of course, they’re mean to me. Know what I mean?)
Esprix
Well, I didn’t need to. The friend in question got the guy’s name, and his mother lodged a formal complaint. I don’t know how that story ended, because it was just before I left for Montreal (this happened in Vancouver), and I’ve since lost contact with him.
Men with criminally low self-esteem who cannot take a compliment and assume that there is no way you might desire them.
Actually, I was on my way out the door and didn’t have time to read the whole thread, but they don’t seem the same to me. If anybody looked at me the way Esprix apparently does- and feels people should respond positively to- I would probably leave or relocate myself. Come to think of it, I have. If that’s a typical come-on among gay males I’m happy to not have to deal with it, that’s all.
I launch into a tirade of self doubt (of course, I don’t get drinks bought for me - that might be part of it.)
But, since generally people (especially attractive people) looking at me longer than necessary really is/was gawking or was followed by teasing, or snickering, or insults, or pointing and muttering, when someone does it, I tend to wonder what is wrong with me this time and to start looking for escape routes. Indirect is bad, very bad. Direct will still make me wonder what is really going on, but is much less bad than indirect.
Well allow me to put a pin in that assumption: I’m quite definitely heterosexual, thanks for asking.
Goody for you. What if you WELCOMED the attention, but weren’t sure how to respond?
I’m sure you don’t have that problem; though judging by your initial response, a bit of indecision might do you a world of good if the alternative is leaping to an incorrect conclusion.
Well allow me to put a pin in that assumption: I’m quite definitely heterosexual, thanks for asking.
Goody for you. What if you WELCOMED the attention, but weren’t sure how to respond?
I’m sure you don’t have that problem; though judging by your initial response, a bit of indecision might do you a world of good if the alternative is leaping to an incorrect conclusion.