I'm not gawking at you because you're unattractive, I'm cruising you 'cause you ARE!

On Cruising, and Two Things that Piss Me Off

Firstly, yes, I’m looking at you - not staring, not drooling, not wolf-whistling, I’m looking at you. It’s called “cruising.” It’s what people do (and not just gay men, mind you) when they see something that is attractive to them. (“Ooo, shiny thing!”) But for reasons of your own, you’re giving me the impression you think I’m gawking at you because there’s something wrong with you, like you’ve got four heads or something (not that there’s anything wrong with that…). What the fuck? I’m not pointing, I’m not whispering - hell, I’m smiling at you, and not in a mocking kind of way. So smile back, damn you! Stop ducking your head, stop turning away, stop giving me attitude, and if you look at me and say, “What are you lookin’ at?” I’m gonna storm off in a huff - I swear I will! Jeez, learn how to take a compliment, even if you’re not interested.

But in a broader sense, this brings me to my second point - fuck the society that tells its people they are unattractive. Fat, black, Asian, short, wearing glasses, bad hair - I really don’t care. Despite what society has told you about these things, somebody finds you attractive, and guess what? In this particular instance it happens to be me! But you’ve been told so often that because of some trait you have or some thing about you that you can’t control you’re unattractive that you’ve bought into it. Come on! For one moment believe that, yes, someone as devastatingly handsome and suave as me ( :wink: ) can find you unendingly cute and attractive and would want to ask you out (and admittedly that shyness and humility is attractive, too, but not to the point of it being a fault). Don’t give in to the bullshit the media and the public tell you - you’re a beautiful person and deserve to have people fauning all over you for your attention, dammit.

Jeez. :frowning: Some of these gay bois (especially my Asian bois) really need to learn how to feel better about themselves - it’s disheartening to those of us who worship them. :wink:

(You can insert the obvious caveats here - they might not be attracted to me, they might be too shy to respond, they might have some phobia about looking at strangers in public, whatever. I’m ranting about instances obvious to what I described.)


It is way too common and is quite obnoxious.

What is?


Why, thank you, Esprix. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all day. :wink:

Maybe they’re self-conscious?

I do that-when people look at me, even in a friendly way, I usually try to find someplace to hide. I blush and keep looking away.

I’m way shy.
No, for reals. I swear. Ask iampunha.

Sometimes I’d have to say I’m self-conscious, or just don’t want to look people in the eye when I’m speaking to them. (or vice versa) Then again, the only people I’d be able to look directly in the eye are those who are slightly taller than I am, down to the little ones. (hey, I’m only 4 foot 11 or 5 feet, depending… so what can I say?)

So yeah, they may be self-conscious, shy, or just don’t look people in the eye.


I do this too. A childhood of being an overweight, red-headed nerd got me into the habit of assuming any attention I received from my peers was likely to be negative.

Now I’ve grown up, I’m no longer overweight, and at risk of sounding vain, I’ve been told I’m attractive; however, I still react this way. It’s a knee-jerk reaction – the attention is certainly welcome, but I never really learned how to respond to it.

IOW, it’s not a matter of me thinking that I’m being stared at because I’m unattractive, it’s a matter of feeling like a clueless doofus who doesn’t know the right response.

Ah, well.

Esprix, I know you mean well. But… you’re beautiful.

By all conventional standards of aesthetics, you’re studley. A hunk. So… have some compassion, wouldya?

We normal mortals aren’t used to talking with people like you. You see, you’re supposed to be out of reach. Impossible, unattainable; the object of fantasies, not a guy to talk to in a bar. Certainly not a guy to take home.

You’ve been cruised, chatted up, asked out thousands of times; you’re used to these games. For someone not used to that, maybe because most people wouldn’t consider them attractive, maybe because they’re new to the scene, being cruised is unsettling. Thrilling, but unsettling. And being cruised by someone quite as cute as yourself can send one into a tailspin of self-doubt and self-consciousness.

I agree, it’s a shame that it’s that way. People should be confident in who they are, and not compare themselves to a societal ideal. But the fact is that people do compare themselves to a societal ideal, and you’re a personification of that ideal. Try and imagine how unsettling it is to be approached by someone who you could never, never in a million years, get up the nerve to approach.

You might want to try being a little less subtle with the mere mortals. A glance, a look can be interpreted many ways, and a lot of them translate that look into “I’ve got something on my face” or “God, my ass looks huge.” It’s hard to misinterpret a “buy you a drink?” or a “do you want to dance” or even a “is this seat taken?”

I’m impressed with your idea of beauty, and your perception of beauty in others. If it’s unconventional beauty that you want, that’s great, but realize that it may take some more effort, ironically enough, to get the guys nobody wants.

Strange world, huh?

PARTICULARLY if a beautiful person is looking at me like Esprix describes, I immediately wonder what their problem is. Attractive people don’t USUALLY find overweight unattractive people attractive.

There was a gorgeous man looking at me in a bar the other night, and I actually wanted to cry, because I assumed he was making fun of me behind my back.


Don’t mind me, I’m just cruisin’ the jarbaby.

I love cruising guys in the metro…

What I don’t like is how I react when I’m being cruised by a total troll in a club. I know he’s cruising me, I want nothing to do with him, but I can’t help but keep looking to see if he’s still cruising me, so he thinks I’m cruising him back.

The worst is when they follow me into the washroom in the hopes of catching a glimpse of my dick or getting some tearoom action. That’s just sad.



Ohhhhh, yeah, baby… lookin’ fiiiine…

: ahem :

Sorry. I just fell off cruising and into leering.

I’m also VERY uncomfortable with lots of attention. You have to approach me very carefully-and I’ll ramble on and on and on like an idiot.

Ask mrblue92

Some of us do have very bad body image, Esprix. With me, it’s always been my weight. It’s easy to forget sometimes there are people who like that, because there are so many people who are so vicious in their dislike of it :frowning:

I’m only just beginning to get over this body-image thing.

Of course, seeing a guy who likes his men large is helping with that

Esprix’s arrow flies through the datastreams

A massive KERTHUNK as it hits waaaaaay too close to home

I’m a horrible flirter. It doesn’t (to my definite knowledge) happen that often. So when guys are looking at me “with intent” I tend to blow it (“it”, people, not “him”) off as either “Something must be wrong with me” or “He can’t be interested…he’s too good-looking!”. The eye flirt is useless on people like me. It will be misinterpreted or ignored, because there are very few scenarios where we will believe that someone is actually cruising us.

Don’t eye flirt. Be a little more direct. Buy us a drink, without some mysterious “secret admirer” crap. Sit down and talk to us, and draw us out when we go silent. Ask us to dance (although this would only work for me with a slow dance…I stopped fast dancing about 150 pounds ago). The standard eye flirt leading to more will not work. We will not be the ones to take it further…the possibility of rejection has been imprinted far too deeply in our brains.


Maybe this poor fella is just oblivious.

I have really bad eyesight, and yet I seldom wear glasses (don’t ask me why, I have no reasonable answer). Apparently, I get cruised sometimes, and honestly have no freekin’ clue. A person could be walking around neked, painted purple, and I really wouldn’t notice.

As an aside, everyone is much more attractive when I don’t have my glasses on - particularly me. :smiley:

Well, whenever I get cruised, I feel flattered yet a little embarrased.

I’m thinking “granted, that hot stud/babe may very well want me, but what would happen once he/she saw me nude”. I’m very shy with my body…I don’t even wear short pants in public, that’s how shy I am. I can’t even go to bars, as I seriously don’t want that attention…but I love it. Sounds messed up? It is.

Then again, I cruise others all the time. Don’t ask me why. I have no idea. It just happens.

I flirt a great deal. I’ve yet to have a negative response (I guess because I’m homely enough that they assume it’s sincere… :rolleyes:(6.02x10[sup]23[/sup]) ) but whatever.

It can be a lot worse, though. A friend of Hamish was once looking at some police officers in a café. Not cruising them, staring, or otherwise flirting, just having them in his line of sight, cos they were kind of attractive. But one of them got up and let him know that if he didn’t fuck off, they would take him out to a part of town where there were no buses and no way to get back and leave him there.

Uniformed police officers, mind you.

That was supposed to be: :rolleyes: (6.02x10[sup]23[/sup]) )