Why else would he talk to her? To discuss fashion tips and talk about scoring on girls?
Personally, I wouldn’t have broke up with her. I would have just cheated on her until I got caught and then use her infidelity as a get out of jail free card.
I like nice guys. A lot.
This might work really well for you, but I’m assuming the OP wants an actual healthy relationship with a woman. 
:::Ahem:::
Self proclaimed “nice guy” chiming in here. I do often tend to not get any girls (though I have been in a few long term relationships) the problem not being I’m a doormat but the problem being that I am “too good of a friend” and that any kind of romance would “ruin such a valuable frriendship.” I’m not a doormat and most of the people who know me know this rather well…they also know I’m not a yes man. I you ask me for advice you’d better make for damned sure you’re willing to accept that I might not just tell you what you want to hear but what i really think…in the end though…they all end up with assholes and I remain at home with time enough to do such things as post on message boards
I’m not a whiner…but in some cases nice guys really DO have a lot fo trouble getting into any kind of meaningful romantic relationship.
I always get in these things too late. 
Anyway. I am not a guy, but I have been rejected by enough women to probably qualify as an “honorary nice guy.”
Here’s how it works: Women, like men, want to be with people who are either witty, charming, attractive, or some combination of the three. If you believe yourself to be the epitome of charm and class, and a woman shoots you down, it’s not because she’s only attracted to blatant asshats. It’s because she did not believe that you were witty, charming, and/or attractive.
Let’s face it, there are nice guys (i.e. decent human beings of the male persuasion) and Nice Guys (decent human beings of the male persuasion who can’t seem to get a date).
Some Nice Guys are NGs because they’re doormats. Being a doormat is bad. But there are better ways out of doormathood than turning the tables and trying to use the women in your life as doormats. You may or may not get laid with this strategy (worked for Feynman), but either way, you’ve become a jerk. It’s up to you to decide whether that’s worth it, but don’t look for praise here if you try this route.
In another lifetime, I used to be in what Breakup Girl calls the ‘Loft Builder’ category - always there as a friend, but never creating any romantic tension, never letting my interest be known in a way that would strike sparks in a woman’s heart. (Whining to a woman friend that you’re available, but women never seem to consider you a romantic prospect, never strikes sparks in a woman’s heart. We’ve been over this ground in every Nice Guy thread. Trust me - it’s true.)
How do you get past this? Assertiveness. Self-respect. A willingness to try and fail.
It helps if, away from your romantic life (or lack thereof), you’re living your life, rather than waiting around for Ms. Right (or for the woman you think is Ms. Right to come to her senses about you). Growing in your own life, both in your work/school life and in your outside interests, are things that will look good to a woman. We all like people who are turned on by life and moving into it, exploring it, more than we like people who are going nowhere and doing nothing.
And then when you meet women who you think might interest you, don’t let a woman get too comfortable with you, in a ‘friends’ sense, before you ask them out. It’s a lot easier to get started with her thinking of you as a romantic prospect, than it is to get her to reevaluate you, once they’ve pigeonholed you as a friend. (Not saying it can’t happen, but it’s not the way to bet.)
Remember that you’re the one who has to make the moves - oh, it could happen the other way around, but you could get old waiting for it to happen. Whether it’s asking her out, sending her flowers, kissing her goodnight - take the lead. Each time, it may or may not work out. But you’ll learn. You’ll gradually get more confident, get more comfortable with the dance of love.
And if, like our OP, you find yourself being used or shat on, you don’t need to make a scene. Once it’s clear that that’s what’s happening, you just walk away. Both my experience as a Nice Guy, and my observations of others, is that Nice Guys never walk away. Maybe it’s hoping against hope for a better outcome, or maybe it’s not. But once you value yourself enough not to put up with being used in the same way by the same woman for the seventeenth time, you’ll be stronger and freer than you’d been, and that basic fact that you’ve put some minimum value on yourself will carry over to your encounters with other women.
Getting out of NiceGuyhood isn’t rocket science, and it doesn’t mean you have to stop being a nice guy. Been there, managed it.
There are six basic reasons why “nice guys” do not “get the girls.” (He is just a generic pronoun and not meant to single out the OP in any way - just saw on preview that might look bad)
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He is not that great looking and are playing out of their league. Sorry, but it’s true. The worst is if the ordinary, nice guy actually bags a super-model type girl or two early in the game (think high school here) and gets spoiled for the rest of his life.
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He is a doormat. Girls won’t go out with him because he has no spine and she knows she can walk all over him. I have a friend like this. Girls don’t want a slave, girls want a real, live person who will do nice things for them every once in a while and will treat them with respect.
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He is lazy. Just doesn’t put any effort into it. (That’s me, btw).
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He is too shy. Girl might have some interest in him, but they guy is too shy to talk to her. Or he’s in a group and never says much and stands on the periphery. You aren’t going to get a girl like that. Unless you are an absolute Adonis. Then it’s cute. But if you are that good looking, you aren’t having trouble getting ladies, so it’s moot.
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He is, in fact, an asshole and not actually nice.
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He spends too much time whining about his failed attempts at wooing the fairer sex.
Now then, as to the OP, it has nothing to do with you being a nice guy. It has to do with the fact that the girl is a bitch. You should have cut her out of your life after she cheated on you. You should have made that clear when you broke up with her. The fact that you did not so much as make a comment leads me to believe you fall somewhere around reason #2.
And anyway, you did have a relationship with her. She just cheated on you.
Leechboy (my hubby) is another one of those Nice Guy’s and he got the girl - and another one on the way if the ultrasound is right. So nice guys don’t just get the girl - they get to make more!
No, it’s NOT. Most guys I’ve known who said this were definitely spineless, whiny, manipulative and pathetic.
They were not “nice.” They were leeches.
(Perhaps though, if you didn’t tell girls, “I have enough friends,” then maybe you wouldn’t have such a problem…)
Words of wisdom. Think about it.
Audrey Levins is completely right. So are CanvasShoes and Guinastasia.
Being a Nice Guy™ is often confusing to males. For whatever reason, many of the guys I know in RL and a large number here on the boards seem to have bought into the masculine version of the old virgin/whore dichotomy: you’re either a Nice Guy™ or a selfish asshole. Is there no middle ground, people?
I’ll add my 2 to the revolving door of Nice Guy™ debates by listing some things a true NG does NOT do:
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Hang pathetically on a girl’s every word without once speaking, expressing an opinion, or making an overture, and then whine and sulk when said girl completely ignores you or shuffles you into the dreaded Friend Zone.
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Keep running after people who are obviously not interested in you/are complete assholes in the vain hope that they’ll one day magically realize your true worth and fall madly in love with you. (or what I like to call the Pip Syndrome)
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Fall all over yourself to comfort/aid a girl no matter the circumstances. Kids, if some girl comes to you bitching about her boyfriend, it’s safe to assume you’re in the Friend Zone. Cut your losses and move on down the line.
And Blalron, we’ve been through this before with you. You are very obviously not a Nice Guy™ or even a nice guy. Quit whining.
I’m a sweetheart of a man, and I have gotton freaky with a number of ladies. A couple were heinous bitches from hell, but most of them were quite nice themselves.
And some self-proclaimed Nice Guys can actually be real dicks.
My last year in college, I knew a guy who did everything except rent a billboard with his picture and the slogan “Bill Smith: Nice Guy”. Always, it was “Girls say they want a nice guy, but if they really wanted one, they could go out with me.” Except that his claim to be sensitive, understanding and so forth was somewhat off the mark. A truly nice guy wouldn’t have talked about the women he knew the way he did.
Case in point: He told me once about a freshman girl who claimed to be a vegetarian. Somehow, they ended up at a Wendy’s. (I think it was she who couldn’t resist and ducked in there, although he might have gone in and she succumbed to temptation once inside. He had a way of railroading people.) Anyway, she got a burger, and went through agonies of “Oh god this is sooooo good…Please don’t tell anybody!” To me, he scoffed, “Who am I gonna tell?”
Quietly, I said, “You’re telling someone right now.”
That’s how he was: always seeking out girls who were insecure and vulnerable, exploiting them and then ragging to others about how dumb they were, both in general and because they wouldn’t go out with him. Frankly, I’m surprised he didn’t have a girlfriend; there are plenty of girls out there who subconsciously crave being pushed around.
That’s exactly what I thought about this guy: that if he was such a saint, he wouldn’t have to tell people.
Thank you. This is exactly why all you people who are advising those who lack confidence to “just be confident”, or “fake it till you make it” are doing the poor bastards a grave injustice.
You cannot fake confidence convincingly enough to fool a woman, if you’ve never actually had confidence. It doesn’t work. Women are too on guard for fakers. It comes off as an act, and that, as I’m sure all you ladies will confirm, is the kiss of death. On top of which, the poor bastard then gets rejected, again, thereby leaving him with less confidence than he had to start with. So, do them a favor, and stop giving them bad advice.
Yes, if the boy is putting on an act.
See, when you’re putting on an act, you’re basically trying to* fool * a girl into liking you. And trying really, really hard. If you’re not a suave guy to start out with, it’s not a good strategy. Confidence is being OK with yourself whether she likes you or not.
I think you’re misinterpreting the advice. Forcing yourself to act more confident is not the same as pretending to be someone you’re not.
Example: you’re sitting in a bar, and you see a pretty girl at another table. Your default course of action is to glance at her throughout the night, but never work up the courage to go talk to her. Forcing yourself to act confident would involve walking over and talking to her soon after you noticed her sitting there. You should still be yourself, and just talk to her normally like you would anybody. She may not be interested, but she’s far more likely to be interested than if you made a big deal out of approaching her, or never approached her at all.
Projecting confidence is not about playing a role, it’s about sending the message through both your words and actions that you think you are an interesting person worth talking to, and that you don’t think you are worth any less than someone you’re interested in. This won’t guarantee success in any particular instance, but will absolutely increase your chances overall.
Confidence comes in a number of different packages and flavors Davebear. For us to say “be confident” or “fake it til you make it” does NOT equal go into “Fonzie” mode, or do your best impression of a gold chain laden lounge lizard.
Okay, so you’re shy (you meaning collective you, “all guys who are shy” you). Shier than most even. You can STILL, for YOU, learn to be confident.
Confident doesn’t mean that you:
a.) have to be a comedian and make girls laugh
b.) impress them with material goods
c.) impress them with sexual prowess (or boast of such)
d.) have to carry on a fascinating intellectual converstation.
Confident means that you know who and what you are, and you are okay with it, and expect that others are okay with it as well.
You can practice talking to girls without stumbling over your words, sweating or getting all tongue-tied. How to do this? Well, as some other people here have mentioned. DON’T DATE. Join a club, a hobby, something with GIRLS in it. If you are only in an art class with a bunch of girls, you all have something in common. And you have the chance to become comfortable talking to girls, and learning how to talk to them in a non-risk (to you) environment.
After all, you’re not expecting anything (like getting turned down if you ask for a date) from them.
Then, you take that “practice” out into the world. Talk to the cute newstand girl JUST as you would to one of your classmates.
It’s a cumulative effect. But it won’t happen if you just go, “ohh, gloom and doom it’ll never work”.
THAT is a turn-off.
By the way, one of the ways to BE a fascinating date, or conversation partner, is to be interested in the OTHER person. Not “stalker” interested, but a genuine interest in something that is important to them.
Well said RT–you hit the nail on the head so to speak!
For myself, I can say I have until a year or so been a Nice Guy to not just one, not two, but THREE dysfunctional women. If you’re going to screw up, screw up royally I always say! How did I get into that situation? Drinking too much for starters, and actually caring about people who didn’t care about themselves. I finally had enough of enabling their neurosis’ and addiction problems (and attempting to guide them out of the self-imposed relationship boxes that they’ve stuck themselves in) and basically just stopped hanging out with them. If someone doesn’t want to stop drinking and/or being self-destructive, there’s no way to force them to do it regardless of what a great person they could be if they cleaned up. It took me awhile to realize that (and I have have been deluding myself the entire time re: the ‘good person’ part to).
Anyway, at some point you’ve got to consider yourself in these situations. Not saying to be a self-centered prick, but to take an honest look at what you’re putting into a relationship, what you’re getting out of it, and what you want to get out of it (and what the likelihood of that occuring are). Oh yea, and have your social life revolve exclusively around bars. ;0
Thank you, Dave. So the only way for shy but decent guys like me is to pretend to be something we know in our heart of hearts we are not. And how long do we maintain this pretense? An evening? A lifetime?
Granted, nobody likes a doormat. But nobody likes an asshole, either. Perhaps someone could point out where the line is between being a person who cares for the feelings of others, and one who doesn’t?
BTW, I have never dated "out of my league. " I know when to hedge my bets.
Payne, I think the idea is to build up confidence. The post you quoted says clearly that it’s not a good idea to fake confidence.
And spooje, suppose one is not naturally suave. What does one do? Since faking it is bad, is there a school one might attend to study the science of suavity?
Sorry, guys, I just get pissed off about this whole subject. We are all supposed to be ourselves, and like people as they are, just not date them unless they meet some arbitrary standard of suavity or just enough boorishness to not be nice, but not enough to be assholish. And in order to be eligible for dating, one must pretend to be someone else who is more worthy of being selected. Maybe that’s why I never dated in college. I’m too damn philosophical.