I met this gal last summer. I get along with her like nobody ought to. We are sharing the same brain much of the time, I think.
Last week, we had a couple of conversations, both initiated by me. “Where are we going, if anywhere,” is the gist of it. Finally, last weekend, we’re laying in my bed (she has been sleeping in my bed for a few days for reasons that are rather innocuous) and she says “so what if we were to start dating?” And I agreed with her that we probably should give it a shot.
Since them, I’ve had a general sense of uneasiness. I’m not sure she and I ought to be. Then again, it’s been ten years since I’ve had any kind of real relationship. So, maybe its just the fact that in my late-early-30s, I’m feeling sorta set in my ways. I adore her, and I think that she’s amazing. I have a few concerns about a long-term relationship with her that I won’t get into here. But by and large, she’s awesome.
So, knowing what you know, is my uneasiness the result of being in my first real relationship in a decade. or should I be considering whether I want to be involved with her? (or should I give it a few weeks to see if I can figure out what’s going on in my brain, which is a valid answer…but I’m looking for your best guess right now based upon what little you know.)
You’re nervous about being in a relationship simply because it’s unfamiliar to you.
You’re worried about the possibility of getting hurt.
You’re worried about messing things up with with her and destroying the possibility of sharing any kind of relationship with her, friendship or otherwise.
You’re letting yourself get hung up on “few concerns about a long-term relationship with her”. Without knowing what these concerns are I won’t even try to guess if they are serious or even legitimate. Anyways, that’s more for you and her to decide.
Don’t try to ignore whatever it is that is bugging you. Acknowledge these feelings. Don’t suppress them. Otherwise, they’ll only grow larger and bother you even more as time passes. Be honest with yourself.
Talk to her about how you feel. Be careful to do it in a way that won’t scare her. Don’t dump it all on her at once, but don’t drag it out either. Be honest with her.
Whatever you do, don’t try to change her or expect her to change for you. If you do there are two possible outcomes: she’ll resent you, or she will change into someone other than who you fell for in the first place. Either accept her as-is or don’t take things further.
It sounds like you’ve felt this way about her for a while. Do you really think the answer might be different in a few weeks? If you really feel like you want to be in a relationship with her and accept her for what she is, do it now.
Yeah, the third one that spiralscratch mentioned. Reading your description the first thing I thought of was ‘you can always find a bang buddy but friends that good are harder to come by.’
I believe it’s wise to listen to your inner voice. If you are feeling uneasy, for whatever reason, then maybe you should wait awhile until you are clear about what you really want.
Thanks all for your input. I appreciate you taking time to share your thoughts.
A regional euphamism (and by regional, I mean me and a few of my friends) for sexual intercourse. As it happened, I never got to mentioning the skronking, but it didn’t really need mentioning anyway.
The single most important thing in a long term relationship is simple friendship. It sounds like you already have that. True friendship that is both in and outside of a physical relationship is hard to find and immensly valuable. The strength of your friendship is grounds for optimism not trepidation.
