Long time reader, first time poster. You ‘Dopers’ seem to be abnormally realistic with dating advice, so I am going to give it a spin with something that has been wearing me down this week.
I have a female friend. We have been friends since last fall and, as she is one of very few people I can talk to, I value her very much. She is a very flirty person, but vastly more so with me than any other guys (this is easily noticable to me and others around). Damned near everyone around us has long assumed that there is something going on and we even get improperly introduced as each other’s SO on a routine basis. But, in honesty, nothing has ever happened – it’s partially because she’s been seriously involved with a guy since I met her and partially because I was extremely busy with other things.
But, two weeks ago, my schedule cleared and the other guy dropped out of the picture. The flirting ramped up and, this past week, we got all loaded up together and she spent the night (and the entire next day). According to anyone who knows us, “it’s about fucking time.”
So, here’s my problem – I am very aware that she’s not raring to leap into another serious deal just yet, and that’s fine with me, but she has been saying a few cryptically romantic things that are emotionally heavier than a typical one-shot fling. ALL of my friends think that she and I have to talk this out, SOON, or risk souring the entire deal. We have all kinds of things in common and I would like to date her, but I really think it’s best to leave the bullshit politics of all this unsaid for awhile. I was CLEARLY the rebound guy and I don’t want to muscle in on the new freedom that she is obviously glad to have. I’ve been down the same road and know how she feels.
So, do I listen to my gut feeling and just let it sit for awhile, or the advice of literally everyone else and bring this up? I got her an apartment in my building and she moves in this week, so we will probably be seeing a lot of each other soon and I am edgy about things being awkward.
People constantly tell me that I too often base my own decisions on what I think the other person wants; am I doing that unreasonably here? Should I just march up to her and say, “You. Me. Happy. NOW!”? I really am trying to be a good guy about this for her, but I’m also trying to avoid screwing up something potentially really cool because I had no patience.
Sorry for this marathon post. Thanks for any help.