I met her in college about 3 or 4 years ago. When I first saw her I remember thinking, “god is that girl beautiful.” Somehow I became friends with her, and that was it, we were just friends. I mean I had a special feeling about her from the day I met her, and I think she felt the same way about me to some degree. But she had a boyfriend, so I didn’t really worry about it. I still called her my “dream girl” though to my friends.
Sometime around a year and a half ago, my head went a little fucking crazy. At a party one night, she pulled me into a bathroom and made out with me. I remember just being real excited and thinking “oh my god I just made out with my dream girl.” But that was it, it was near the end of the school year, so I lost contact with her for the summer.
Come that August, when we were both entering senior year I started to get obsessed with her. I found out she was gonna be living in the building next to mine and I thought this is my chance. Every night I would write shit in my journal like “she is my dream girl.” “This is your chance with her.” “I gotta get her.”
Well wonder what happened when the school year came around and I did finally see her? I froze. I didn’t call her. I hardly spoke to her when I saw her. I didn’t even try. I fucked up and it pisses me off so bad still.
Towards the end of the year, I realized I didn’t have much time left so I decided to give it another try. I called her and me and some friends went out. She even gave me a chance that night, but I managed to get too fucked up and blew it.
I tried calling her a few times in the summer, and even after all the weird vibes I was giving her she still responded.
Here’s the kicker. One night I was going out in the city and I saw her and it’s so WEIRD because even though it was nighttime and she was way too far to make out, I knew it was her. (I think it’s something in my head where I’m always looking for her, especially when I go out at night.) Anyways, we talked and her friend was there and told me about where they worked. That was it, and we went our seperate ways.
I debated for a while whether or not to apply there. On the one hand it was a real good job, on the other, she might think I was stalking her. Well I decided fuck it, I’m applying there.
I got the interview and as I was taking a tour of the building I walked by her. She got up and nearly screamed, “oh my god scotty!!!” Yep, it was about right here where I thought, good job Scott WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST CALL HER BEFOREHAND!!!
Anyways, I didn’t get the job, didn’t get the girl and I’m fucking pissed about it because fucked up so bad.
One night a couple weeks ago I went out to a bar and I remember seeing this girl through the glass from the back coming in looking a lot like her. I thought, “couldn’t be.” Sure enough, it was.
Anyways, we talked a little and I guess we could still be friends. I mean I never did anything deliberately mean to her or called her a name or anything. I don’t plan on calling her anymore to go out or meet up or anything because I give up.
However, I think I’m gonna reapply at that job in a couple months and I’m probably gonna call her and ask for a reference. I don’t know if it’s more about getting the job or about getting closer to her. I think at this point it’s about the job, but I never know with myself some times.
Never told anyone all that, just wanted to get it off my chest. Feel’s good, actually. Thanks for listening. : )