If you keep looking in the rearview mirror, you’re going to crash into a guardrail.
I’m glad you’re not going to call her. You made your interest in her abundantly clear two years ago. She made it equally clear that she does not share your interest. She communicated a message with you and you should assume that she’s still not interested unless she contacts YOU.
The best way to deal with obsession is rediversion. You need to find a hobby – something that will keep you occupied so that you don’t continue to live in your imagination. Go volunteer somewhere. Join a book club. Find an avenue where you can interact with new people. Loneliness is such a common problem, which is even more of a tragedy when you consider that there are so many people out there who are similarly lonely.
I’ve been with my beshert (True Love and Soulmate, only more so) for almost a year now. I still have occasional flashbacks to her predecessor my True Lust. Fortunately I acknowledge them as flashbacks of perversity brought about by the pressures of nine weeks to go to the wedding!!! <3
It’s the Internet. If you wanted help you would have spoken with someone face to face.
Man, all you gotta do is find a girl that looks just like her, nail her, and then dump her, man. Get her of your mind. Your only mistake is that you didn’t dump her first. She’s a show pony. You need a stallion, my friend. Walk with us and you walk tall.
I think you are wrong in your response to some of these guys, such as **giraffe **and clockwork. You tell us you ‘might not’ call her, then you act as if you had sworn a blood oath out of the gate in front of all of us solemnly at midnight that you would never call her, while sacrificing your firstborn.
Then, you, in your OP put some vague stuff in, and then say ‘help me.’
When you get razzed a bit, which is a form of help, you get all snotty. Then, you say
L*et’s actually think about a few things.
*
"What is so wrong about it? Say she answered and we talked and I say hey why don’t we be friends again and we met for a drink? Would that really be so terrible? Also, if this was a guy who was an old friend it would be a complete non-issue. *
Now I know the likelihood of this happening is slim and I dOnt feel like embarrassing myself further, SO IM NOT GONNA DO IT."*
The liklihood is ‘slim?’ Sounds to me like it’s almost a done deal, irrespective of what you put in caps. “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”
Whatever you do, you have treated some of the guys here improperly. Once you figure out what you want, you might want to ask for help. Till then, it seems to me that you want us to encourage you, and give you secret tips to win her, while acting as if you don’t care.
And, in re the suggestion that you smell her feces, after a fashion: it seems to me like she told you to eat it, when she stopped returning your phone calls. This is a woman that, last time you contacted her, didn’t give you the time of day. She’s surely not obsessing about you.
You think she’ll want to kick it with you, now? Why?
HandsomeHarry you could not be further from the truth. I’m not looking for help getting her back but help getting over her. I simply repeated the sentiment over and over because I know how this looks.
As far as the other posters you mentioned (among others) well I just didn’t feel like they were being that big of a help. Actually, I asked them to stop and they didn’t, and still probably won’t, so maybe their just being assholes.
Regardless, you’re pretty much basing every thing you say on the very little amount of info I’ve given you and mostly on the prejudices you have with a guy who might have this problem. No one has asked about my relationship with her, what specifically happened, or even why I might feel this way. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but simply showing where you’re wrong.
I could explain the whole situation to you but it’s really not worth it. Again, thanks to those who really did contribute.
I’m chiming in to share my story of looking up TOTGA just within the past few weeks. Looking around Facebook for people from the past I found a woman who has never left my thoughts since we were dating years ago and sent her a friend request.and a short messege. No reply for maybe ten weeks. I was checking every day for a reply like a fool only to see that my request was in the “has been sent” status. Very sad and perhaps pathetic on my part. Last Monday she accepted and replied.
Now Its her instant messeging me when she sees that I’m online, and she even called me when she saw my contact number. The fist call came in as “private” then the next one had her ID. She even called from her home phone so that I could store it.
I’m enjoying this very much and have not taken advantage of the privelege of having her numbers.
We dated for three years and had good times but it wasn’t really anything more than “friends with benifits” even though I had llways hoped for more. There will be no hook-up unless she sends a curve ball my way.
I’m so very happy to have my friend back and just wanted to say that I thought some of you were a bit too harsh on the OP.
That’s because it’s irrelevant. The only truly relevant thing is that the relationship ended when she quit taking your phone calls.
The reason no one has asked about your relationship with her is because you’ve specifically asked for help with your obsession problem. It’s not healthy for you to reminisce about her anymore than you’ve already done. We certainly aren’t going to encourage it!
Once again, you need to try and redirect your energy towards something else.
Look I’ll lay it out here. The real problem I feel is just that I’ll never get over it. I’ll find another girl, and I’ll live my life. But I’m always going to look back and picture her smile, and think “man did I fuck that one up.” I think this is why I fantasize about her and hope I run into her. So I can make it better.
I don’t know what you can do to get over regrets. I can live my life to the fullest but I can’t change the past. And it always just feels like I missed out On something special.
You can try to remember that you can only do the best you can with the information and experience you have at the time. At the time you knew this girl, you didn’t have the information and experience you have now. Also, there are many things about relationships you don’t control, so your actions (or lack thereof) are not the only things that may have affected the relationship.
If you think you can do something to change the future, you can try that, but you can’t change the past. Will you have to live with the possibility that something really good passed you by? Sure. It’s possible. But you don’t control that.
When you’re stuck in the past, it’s difficult to live fully in the present or see that the future can hold many opportunities that you’re missing. As some have noted in this thread, you might want to look at why you’re so involved in focusing on the past instead of living in the present or planning for the future.
Dude, I’m really sorry. When I made the posts that I did I had no idea that this was the problem. Really, it should have been obvious to me. But I really had no freakin’ clue that your problem was not being able to get over her. I get it now. I get it.
Like Diogenes said, we’ve all been there. You meet someone you like, you don’t come across well, you then want to try to fix it which just makes things worse. It sucks.
And most of us have spoken very similar sentences to what we’ve seen you post in this thread: “I’m definitely absolutely not going to call her, but if I did would it really be the worst thing in the world? I’m not of course, I’m just saying hypothetically…” Then our friends yell at us, we promise not to call, and then call immediately. Remember that scene in Swingers? Almost everyone can remember a time when that could have been them.
The good news is that you won’t live the rest of your life filled with regret over this. Dating other people you like is the ultimate amnesia pill for these kinds of situations. It may take a couple, but at some point this situation won’t mean much of anything to you. Yeah, you’ll probably always have a bit of a :smack: feeling when you think back on this, but it’ll be of the fond “man, I was kind of an idiot back then” variety, not the “I ruined my life and missed my one true chance at happiness” variety.
Just give it time. Date other people. It’s the only real solution, but it works.