I'm proud of my daughter

This past week, hell, month has been hard for The Kid.

We’ve just passed the one year mark of her grandpa’s death. She’s still reeling from her other grandfather’s death this past fall (a grandfather she hadn’t met until a week before he died). Her father has had not contact with her since early December, when it was found out that his girlfriend (who is only 9 years our daughters senior) is pregnant - and due this month. January has sucked for her so far.

This past Monday The Kid received a call from her best friend - “My mom and I were in an accident, we’re at the hospital”. We were up there as soon as possible, her Dad allowed us to go into her room which I was amazed by - BF was bumped and scratched up, but released from the ER while we were there. Her mom was in Intensive Care.

The Kid went to school Tuesday, but it was difficult as news spread. I picked her up halfway through the day as she was completely torn up. Teens (ugh, TEENS) were playing the “I know (BF) better than you do, so I’m more concerned!” game. Some kids left school to go to the hospital and sit with BF, which BF and family did not want. We came home, and she simply texted BF, stating “I love you and I’m here for whatever you need”.

Tuesday night her mom died. The Kid called her and told her simply “I love you and I’m here for whatever you need”. The Kid was kind of jealous that BF was over at another persons house and was entertaining a stream of visitors. However, some were visitors, some were gawkers, The Kid stated. She remembered what it was like when Gramps died - some “friends” were excited to experience death vicariously, not actually support the mourner. We talked about friendship - she stated she is a “Heart” friend. “I don’t have to physically be in her face, she knows I love her, Mom”.

Along with The Kid and BF there is another girl who reounded the Three Stooges. Moe (heh) is a doer. She is NOT content to sit around and wait. She organized a dinner posse, and when The Kid declined to join, an argument ensued. She told Moe strongly that what they needed to do was offer assistance, not force it. That she understood that made me smile.

Texts between The Kid and BF have been crossing the lines all hours of the day and night. They’ve been talking about boys, music, school- normal stuff. The Kid will not bring up BF’s mom unless BF initiates it. She understands that BF needs a break from what happened - some semblance of normalcy in such a hellish situation.

They’ve been on the phone actually talking for over an hour and a half now - highly unusual for them. The Kid talked to BF’s little sister, the usual toddler talk. She and BF are catching up on everything - who stopped by / who is a pain / how mean I am because I can’t afford Jonas Brothers tickets / what’s next. The Kid cannot know the trauma BF has gone through. She doesn’t presume to know, and has said that to BF. She is supporting her friend in a way that I think is beautiful.

I am SO proud of my daughter. We have our ups and downs, as all mom/daughters do, but to see her be so compassionate in such a way that many teenagers don’t grasp - I’m lucky to have her for My Kid.

Wow. That brought a tear to my eye. You totally should be proud! Way to go, Kid. How old is she anyway?

She sounds like a wonderful young woman, MissTake. For her to act in the way she does and understand things so well…it’s magnificent. Her best friend is a lucky girl. I hope things get better for everyone…

That was a lot to take in reading that post, much less in real life.

I can understand the pride you feel.

I do not have the empathy that my own daughter can radiate, I am jealous of her sometimes.

I think you need a pat on the back. You either taught your daughter well or encouraged her personality, both are admirable.

Way to go mom and daughter!

Sounds like you’ve done a good job of raising her.

She sounds like a fabulous young woman. Everyone needs a friend like her!

Good for her. Your OP reminded me of so may childhood oddities I’d forgotten (especially the ‘one-upping’).

Very nice. Be proud of her, and be proud of yourself, as well. I used to have such a hard time taking any “credit” for my kids’ great qualities, until another, older, mother said to me, “Look, you’d blame yourself if he ended up a drug addict who knocked over a liquor store, right? Then acknowledge that you share the same level of responsibility for the good stuff!” :smiley:

So pat yourself on the back too! *You *either taught, modeled or encouraged that behavior in the right way. She’s lucky to have you for her mom.

Thanks folks.
The Kid is 14 years old. Personally, I believe she has been so good in this situation is knowing how it was when Gramps died. His death was very personal - we are a very close family (he was more a dad to her than her own father ever could hope to be) and while we knew it was coming, it was still very difficult.

She and I talk a lot. We jokingly call them “Car Chats” as for some reason have our best life/morals/politics/religious talks while in the car. I won’t tell her what to believe in or how to handle situations because she must learn on her own. This past week we have talked about what she felt with her friends when Gramps died - what did she wish her friends would have done, what did they do that drove her nuts. She took it from there.

I did put my foot down on one idea that she had: she wanted to buy her BF a huge cuddle bear. I asked her what BF would think whenever she saw it. “That I love her, but it would remind her when I bought it, wouldn’t she?” Yup. Instead she and BF are going to have a girls night once things settle down.

As a parent I can look at my daughter and say “You’re a darned good kid”, but it’s hard to think that I helped create her, you know? About a month before Dad died he told me I was doing a good job raising her alone. I was amazed, as he was always the roughest on me for having a child out of wedlock.

One thing that drove me up the wall in high school is how when someone’s parent died, everyone went to the funeral, if is was during school hours. If your departed loved one was being buried on the weekend, you would get a turnout of your real friends.

[sniff] Good on ya, Missy!

She’s an awesome kid, and you’re a pretty awesome mother. :wink: