I'm retarded at flirting!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Right now, as I’ve said in another thread, my most important relationship is one that began on-line. I think this has something to do with the fact that I don’t know how to flirt, hence I have trouble meeting people.

Almost every day, I see women try to catch my eye or smile at me, and my first impulse is to look away quickly in embarrassment, or stare back like a moron, Taxi-Driverish, like, “What? Me? you lookin’ at me???” Honestly, it takes effort to remember to smile back at someone, and I have no idea what to do after that. And that’s if I don’t know the person. If I do know them, they will get a smile and a return greeting before I walk away in embarrassment.

I’m 36! Is it possible that my underdeveloped flirting capability has kept me in pre-adolescence all these years??

2

Maybe you are just shy? There are plenty of shy people around, plus everyone is shy to a point.

You’d be a guy right? I know you mention women in your post but you know how it is on the board these days with same sex dating. :slight_smile:

3

Don’t think of it as flirting. Just think of it as talking, chatting, being pleasant… when you get relaxed with that, flirting just happens… honestly!!

4

Are you possibly self-conscious? I have news for you alot of people think shyness is very sexy… along with impish grins and whatnot… Everyone has different versions of “flirting”… relax, try to imagine smiling as if you are seeing a long lost friend… it will come naturally… eventually…

5

Yes, I’m male and have always been slightly shy.

Shy people always have trouble meeting others! I wish the ones who dig shyness would be more aggressive…

6

Ah, but to be fair, the ones who dig shyness are most likely to be cautious about being too aggressive at it.

This insight, such as it may be, brought to you by another shy flirt-retarded type.

7

I’m retarded at flirting, but I seem to be doing alright because everyone thinks I’m a slut.

But…

Smile back, it doesn’t make your face hurt, really! Waving is good too. Blushing is alright.

Unfortunately for guys, eventually you’re going to have to introduce yourself. I think it’s an expected part of the ritual. So get off your butt, walk over there and introduce yourself.

Yeah, I know, easier said than done. But it truly gets easier the more you do it.

8

Not true. Talking, chatting and being pleasant will lead to you being someone’s friend. Flirting is something more than that, and I’m even worse at it than tclouie.

9

Actually, I think the most effective thing in flirting is eye contact. I agree with RobotArm that in a lot of cases, casual chatting will get you a pal for the evening, or maybe eventually a friend. (I’ve known a lot of “nice guys” who had trouble finding girl friends for this very reason.)
I suggest looking at someone, just quietly looking. Maybe a slight smile. Don’t walk away then, and, at the other end of the spectrum, don’t leer! You can look away and continue doing whatever you were doing (listening to music, talking to friends etc.). Then look again. If you’ve been doing this for a while, she is looking your way and yet hasn’t managed to get over and meet you, then you have to go over and introduce yourself. Sometimes just “Hi, I’m tclouie (or RobotArm, or Drastic” should work. You don’t really have to be in a hurry to start a brilliant conversation. Most girls like to be looked at, some of them particularly appreciate it coming from a shy guy. :slight_smile: I’m sure that either she’ll start talking about something or the other. Just be attentive to what she says and take it from there.

Good luck :slight_smile: signed, a married lady who used to prefer shy guys (when she was young and available).

10

Actually, yes, it is uncomfortable for me to smile. On the plus side, if I do smile you know it’s genuine, because I just don’t do it otherwise.

[quote]
*Originally posted by MoodIndigo1 *
** I suggest looking at someone, just quietly looking. Maybe a slight smile. Don’t walk away then, and, at the other end of the spectrum, don’t leer! You can look away and continue doing whatever you were doing (listening to music, talking to friends etc.). Then look again. If you’ve been doing this for a while, she is looking your way and yet hasn’t managed to get over and meet you, then you have to go over and introduce yourself. **

Actually, I quite accidentally stumbled into doing just that this Monday. We’ve got a date on Friday. To be honest, she did a lot of flirting that even I could pick up on after I said hi (warming her hands up on my arms and neck was the major thing), so I felt a lot more at ease trying to flirt back.

Here’s to aggressive girls! Hip Hip Hooray!

11

Anytime you catch a woman,who you find attractive,checking you out, walk over, introduce yourself, and talk.
Women are looking for the ballsy, confident men who are basically different than the rest (correct me if I’m wrong).
That’s why they gave us balls, man!!! You think they’re stupid enough to walk up to someone they don’t know and shoot the shit until they get a phone number!? Hell no!! Nature has bequeathed us with this (unfortunate) responsibility, and whether we like it or not, we have to do it :frowning:
Sorry! Them’s the brakes. DEAL!!!

12

Sorry to hear that. Most of my girlfriends like it when they get smiled at. Otherwise they feel intimidated, and that you’re unapproachable.

13

No Doubt. My biggest problem is remembering to call them back. For some reason, the ladies don’t seem to respond too well when you call them 6 weeks after they gave you the phone number.

I suggest 6 days. I got that from a movie so it must be true. More than 30 you might have a problem . . .

DaLovin’ Dj

14

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by dalovindj *
**

I strongly don’t suggest 6 days! Most of you will never be privvy to the conversations of women, but I can assure you that if there is serious interest there they don’t take kindly to having to wait 6 days. 2 days maybe, and even then you’ll probably get some ruffled feathers. On the flip side, I don’t suggest calling them back the same day or they might perceive you as hard up.

15

Could you send one my way, please?

iampunha
c/o George Mason University
Fairfax, VA 22032

Thanks:)

16

I flirt like I’m still in the 3rd grade. First, I’m REALLY mean to you. I pick on you and punch you and run away. I’ll tease you until you’re positive that I’m not interested. Then thats when I make my move. Which is…nothing. For some reason most guys get this and come after me. Hmm? Well…it works for me.

17

arachnidlove, like biting our heads off after sex!?! :eek:

As for me…well, I don’t flirt. It’s like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the chip that’s in Spike’s head. Only instead of being unable to inflict pain, I’m unable to flirt.

[sub]And it’s saying things like that that keeps girls away from me…[/sub]

18

Watch classic TV. Loads of Pepe LePew and crib his good lines. Chicks dig that.

Also, learn to make balloon animals. Always carry a supply of twisting balloons around in your pocket. When you see a girl checking you out, you can blow one up and twist her up her very own pony. Yeah baby, magic.

Oh! Or learn magic. Just a little. Like pulling a (still wrapped) condom out of her ear. (“I know what’s on your mind. Heh heh.”)

Or do what I did to entice the Little Woman. Shy smiles and furtive glances. Inarticulate stuttering seemed to really clinch the deal.

But chicks really dig balloon animals. Especially if you get the Pepe LePew patter down. And don’t be afraid to lick a few ears.
-Rue. (just tryin’ to help)

19

The spark.
Eye contact! It’s so important!

The approach.
Perhaps the most awkward part of the process. My advice is to assess the situation and find suitable subject matter, no matter how innane. Do not, I repeat Do Not approach without content! If you don’t have some way of “breaking the ice”, you won’t. It’s that simple.

The conversation.
Speak of this speak of that, but remember to ask open-ended questions. This will reduce the chances that dead air will occur. Then, follow up on whatever she says with something else. Once the ball is rolling, you are golden.

BTW, avoid talking about yourself. Make it all about her because, well, it is all about her. You are courting her, not yourself. (People naturally like to talk about themselves and not you).

Also, if you are planning on using a “compliment her” approach, (which is very ballsy from the get-go) remember this: Compliment some aspect of her appearance which she had control over. This way you are complimenting her good taste; not just her slinky legs, and she’ll take it as as genuine.

Example:
“Wow great shoes…blah blah blah” vs. “Your eyes are so pretty.”

After the conversation is flowing like wine, the asking of the phone number will come naturally. Make the close quickly though. I’d say 5 minutes of conversation should seal the deal.

Also, (jeez I keep thinking of stuff!) when you are making eye contact, watch for subtle gestures (body language). This can tell you a lot about her interest instantly.

Example:
She’s flipping her hair a lot → good sign
While you are talking, she’s looking over your shoulder → bad sign

OK, that’s pretty much all I can think of right now. If any ladies here disagree with any advice I’ve given, then by all means correct me! I invite it! :slight_smile:

20

Get or borrow a cute puppy or kitten. Women come up to you by the handfuls if you do that then you can chat with them.