I'm sick of beauty

I’m sick of it.

I’m sick of hearing men measure my worth in my looks. I’m sick of every love song to a woman that only mentions her beauty. I’m sick of being sized up on the streets and at parties. I’m sick of hearing “his girlfriend is really hot!” I’m sick of comparing myself to other women. I’m sick of feeling like my value is going down with each passing day. I’m sick of spending money on expensive shampoo and make-up. I’m sick of shoes that hurt and bras that pinch. I’m sick of wasting time in front of the mirror. I’m sick of worrying about if my slightly crooked nose or somewhat dingy teeth precludes me from love. I’m even sick of being told I’m beautiful. because I’m sick of being measured that way.

Anyone with me? It’s enough to make me buy some sensible shoes, stop shaving, and start living with a lot of cats.

Not really. Attractiveness matters. Is it fair? No. But it’s the way it is.

I feel you. If it makes any difference, it’s not only women that get this treatment. Girls in my office fawn over every broad shouldered dude here just as much as men do over big breasted women. I do not have broad shoulders. So yes, I’m sick of it too. But I do wish I was one of them beautiful people though…

I was sick of it when I was skinny and single back in the 80s, and I am sick of being told ‘you have such a pretty face, you should lose weight and you would be very pretty …’:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::mad:

Ya know, I actually think most women who are overweight and not body dismorphic would LOVE to lose weight - it would make clothing shopping and sitting in/on tiny chairs/airplane/bus/whatever seats SO much easier … not to mention CHEAPER.

Or I hate being told I should yank out my eyebrows and wear makeup to conform to society … makeup makes me break out no matter how hypogenic it is, and eyebrows are supposed to be hovering over the eyes somewhere.

Or I should wear stockings, fancy torturous shoes and skirts …

If you don’t like doing it, stop doing it. But be willing to wear the consequences. And don’t pretend you don’t know what they are. People do judge us by our appearance.

Is that fair? No, but if you’re over 12 and haven’t figured out that life isn’t fair then you have far bigger problems than your appearance.

Are other people to blame? No, of course not. We have inbuilt biological standards that dictate what we find attractive. Our species couldn’t survive without them. Being sick of this fact is as absurd as being sick of getting hungry.

“I’m so sick of hearing food described as delicious. I’m sick of the fact that my food isn;t as good as somebody else’s. I’m sick of the fact that the attractiveness of food isn’t measured by its nutritional content.”

That’s a strange complaint. You’re complaining that people measure attractiveness by attractiveness.
And no, it wouldn’t be any less bizarre if you were a guy. Complaining that all the love songs mention strong, powerful men. Complaining that you “have to” waste all that time at the gym and at work.

It all seems really bizarre. People are people, not machines. Complaining that people don’t act like machine sis like being fed up with the snow being cold.

At least “wasting” time at the gym or at work has a lot more side-benefits than wearing makeup or stupid shoes. Even if you’re not trying to impress other people, being rich, fit and strong are their own rewards.

Any similarity between the lyrics of the Italian version of Laura Branigan’s Gloria and its original is limited to the lady’s name.

Umberto Tozzi’s song is a love song, and it doesn’t mention his beloved’s physical characteristics at all. Cheating from Tozzi’s own Spanish version (translation mine), first verse:

Gloria, air lacks you, you’re being missed,
warm innocence, my mouth says your name without meaning to, it misses you
I’ll write my story with the word Glory
because by your side the morning comes alight,
truth and lie are both called Gloria.

It’s all like that and the only bad thing is that last line in the first verse, which can also be understood as “you are everything”.

That seems to be pretty common in Italian love songs.

aruvqan, one of my classmates is in her early 20s, I think she’d be pretty without makeup but have never seen “her washed face” - but it kills me that her eyebrows are plucked until each of them is a single row of hairs. I thought it was only women my grandmother’s age who did that! Me, I consider anything beyond divorcing an unibrow to be too much plucking.

This is dumb. If you are “sick of beauty” go make yourself ugly. It’s much easier than the other way around.

And, of course, once you’re ugly, you’ll gripe about not being pretty. It’s a grass is always greener thing.

Sure.

As soon as women stop comparing their boyfriends by how expensive his presents are.
Humans are shallow. Someone screwed up in designing us.

Do you know any women who actually do this? Maybe I hang out with too many hipsters, but my friends brag about how interesting, creative, intelligent, loving, sexual and fun their boyfriends are. I’ve never once witnessed American women comparing gifts, and honestly most my friends can buy their own stuff.

Anyway, I’m reasonably cute- this is no sour grapes rant. I do enjoy dressing up and looking good, and that’s not gonna change. I just wish I wasn’t so often seen as so much less than the sum of my parts.

Don’t worry about it, after all, you’re sure to get your wish.

Time does not stand still, looks fade, people age. In the blink of the eye you’ll be an attractive 50 yr old wondering why the world doesn’t seem to be as welcoming as it once was. It will occur to you that you have become largely invisible. Problem solved.

If any of this truly bothers you it’s because you’re guilty of it too. People will measure you, mostly, how you measure yourself. You, and you alone, get to decide if you’ll worry every passing day about your fading beauty, measuring yourself against other women, buy expensive cosmetics, shave.

There is no reason whatsoever to wear pinching shoes and uncomfortable bras, I assure you. If you are doing so because it makes you feel more of a woman or out of fear of how you’ll be perceived if you don’t, well, that’s your issue not the world’s.

Be very careful what you wish for, a simple accident of fate could entirely change your perspective.

If it makes you feel a bit better, when I take stock of which women make me look at them twice, all of those I have ever got to knowing at all well have been intelligent and possessed of a sense of humor – so yeah, it’s a sample of one guy tooting his own horn, but some of us demand personality as a prerequisite to attractiveness.

Of course, since I am still only human, I will be more attracted to a smart, witty woman who also “complies” with our innate standards of physical beauty – but such is life. Think of it, and I’m sure you’ll agree that when you consider men as being interesting to you, you are, even if subconsciously, working their physical appearance into your “calculations,” as it were. We all do.

I’m on board with the part of your rant about shampoo, make up, shoes… though. IMO, most women look better the less they try to “work at it.” Other men’s MMV, though.

I can’t find it now, but I recall a thread on the dope where a posted recounted how his (brother? Male relative or friend) commented on how if he’d known buying an expensive engagement ring would earn the respect of so many women he’d never met, he’d have done it a lot sooner.
Now, I don’t know about doperland, but in my office, when I let slip that I was going to get my wife a (very!) nice handbag for Christmas, all the office girls went gaga. Oh, you’re such a great husband, etc etc… because I was willing to spend? Sheesh, buying crap is easy compared to working at a relationship.
The point is, my wife can very well afford her own nice handbags, and she does. In fact, she earns just a tad more than me. But somehow, being willing to spend is seen as a gushy factor for the other women in my office.

Men and women both have their buttons. Good looking is more of a factor for men, and just like how women don’t judge how “good” a man is by his willingness to splash out, men don’t judge how “good” a woman is by her tits.

But both still turn heads.

Even Sven, I think that you’ve been in the wrong places. In Germany, for example, most women wear minimal make up, wear sensible shoes, etc. I don’t know if their bras pinch, I guess I’ll have to check, but there’s a noticeable enough number that don’t seem to wear them.

This is not to say that there aren’t beautiful women here, there are plenty, but it’s a much more natural beauty.

Some countries value physical aesthetics more than others. I recall back when hearing that Venezuela spent the most, per capita, on beauty products. Argentina is reputed to spend the most on cosmetic surgeries.

Avoid these places. Even in the USA, some places will be worse than others. I’d bet that, on average, Los Angelenos spend more on make up and clothes than people in Portland, for example.

Anyway, Mrs Shibb never wears make up and never wears heels. She’s still gorgeous. Most true beauty comes from within.

And for the counterexample, there is Korea, where women put on makeup and high heels to go hiking. (I’m not exaggerating.)

I went through a phase where I didn’t give a shit about how I looked, and then I went through a phase where I tottered around on heels and spent money on skincare and makeup, and now I’m somewhere at a happy medium and I’m pretty comfortable with myself. Yeah, I’d rather be able to go around bra-less and sometimes it’s a pain in the ass putting on makeup in the mornings but such is life.

I would love to spend a week in a world where men were judged by their looks and women were judged for their income and ability to provide. I don’t agree with the gender essentialism in this thread.

There are some small things you can do things about. Like how you present yourself.

There are some things, pervasive in our culture, that you just have to roll with. Like the significance of beauty in how we behave towards each other.

Enjoy what you have while you can. You’re lucky to have it, whatever it may be (natural beauty, buckets of charisma, a healthy fit body, or whatever) and there may come a time when you don’t have it anymore.

Yeah. I’ve got a picture I took of a Chinese woman at the Mt. Everest Base Camp, tottering across the rocks in her North Face jacket and heels.

My beauty has faded. I’m still good looking for 40 something but I don’t stop traffic any longer.

But I’m still sick of beauty. I’m sick of “today I saw a woman so beautiful she made me sad” - I’m sick of the objectification that I’ve experienced, that other women experience, because they are beautiful. Or men for that matter. I’m sick of someone believing that another human being can be treated like empty headed property because they have a shapely figure, nice smile and great hair - without her even opening her mouth to discover that she isn’t empty headed at all.

Yeah, its reality…and I accept it…but it doesn’t mean that the way we treat beauty doesn’t sometimes make me throw up in my mouth a little.

I got sick of men wanting to dress me up like a Barbie doll and buying me clothes 20 years ago that turn me into some sort of Betty Blowup…and it hasn’t worn off. Fortunately, I’ve been married for fifteen to someone who knows better.

That’s not what happens to me . . . if I order a salad because I want a salad, I get *Oh Sigmagirl, what a smart choice! I’m so happy you ordered that! Do you know how many antioxidants are in that! and so much vitamin C! Such a healthy decision! :rolleyes: *
I am NOT exaggerating.
Couldn’t be because I want a fucking salad.