I saw Jerry Lewis once… and when I was done I donated him to the MDA.
I’m so rich that when I buy a personal jet I buy a small one - that way I can fit it inside the bigger personal jet I buy to fly my personal jet around in.
I’m literally a thousandaire.
(and I mean the original correct definition of literally that DOESN’T mean figuratively)
I’m so rich, that *when *I decide to go to the beach in the Caribbean , all I do is walk to the back yard and it’s all arranged - luxury helicopter to aprivate airport, private jet arranged, land somewhere with immigration is covered (whether it’s my own island or Richard Branson’s), and another luxury ride to my luxury pad with private beach and anything I want within a 5 minute wait time.
That’s rich.
I’m so rich, that *when *I decide to go to the beach in the Caribbean , all I do is walk to the back yard.
Period.
And when you want to go to a 5000 sf penthouse overlooking Central Park, all you do is walk to the back yard…
I once bought a yacht simply to use the bottle cap opener built into the galley wall to open a bottle coke, then I discarded the boat.
I’m so rich that I have people to bring the back yard to me.
… my real time net asset value estimate is always off by $1 billion, give or take.
You should wipe your ass with baby wipes, you will thank me later.
Murder is cheaper than divorce, even counting legal fees.
. . . when people protest against me, they have to shout, “We are the 99.9999999999 percent!”
I’m so rich that I use face soap on my entire body.
I’m so rich that when Chuck Norris fought my entire personal army, my army almost won.
I’m so rich that I don’t use vulgar money with pictures of dead presidents on them—I bring Barack, Bill, Jimmy and the two Georges with me to stores and trade them for merchandise.
… that I have my own app.
I’m so rich that I paid for my copy of WinRAR.
It’s what Palmer Luckey mentioned as what he finally bought with all his money, and that’s probably the thing that would stand out for me too. WinRaR is forever free if you want it to be. I never had to pay for that. I chose to pay for that.
I’m so rich that
nations come to me when they need a loan
Banks can’t pay interest on my savings, as it would bankrupt them.
The entire state of Texas would fit on my patio.
My car is not climate-controlled – it’s so big that it has its own climate.
My house is so big, that the sun orbits around it.
Jiminy Cricket, that’s a mere summer cottage for me, son. My house is so big, that it has stopped the expansion of the Universe and everything is going to collapse in upon it during a Big Crunch in 14 billion years.
The old version (from Cracked if memory serves) was “my butler doesn’t look like Howard Hughes; he IS Howard Hughes.”