Fair warning, personal rant follows. If you hate these kinda threads, stop reading now. Thank you.
I feel like my whole life is suddenly a black hole. I’ve spent the past 6 days at my parent’s house in Memphis. Which was…well, let’s be honest. It was sheer hell. Imagine a visit that starts with your mother staring at you as you walk off the plane, trying to tell if you’ve lost weight. Every conversation this weekend was about either my weight, or my depression. I’ve come to the realization that her love is NOT unconditional, and it’s dependent on how much I weigh. (Sample conversation: "Well, if you WANT to be this weight, we’ll support you.) I can’t take this. Every visit is hell, and I go home and end up overeating. This visit was even worse, because I’m looking for a new job. I have an interview coming up in Richmond. My mother doesn’t want me to move, or take the job, and my father has me losing it already.
I hate my life right now. I’m tired of being supportive to everyone. I’m tired of putting on an act when I visit my parents. I’m tired of being fucking alone. I feel like…I feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out. Either that or just crying for the next week and never stopping. Don’t even know why I sent this post…I hate whining. Guess I just wanted to…I don’t know. To vent, to have someone listen…