America is all the better off for it. Japan will soon sink into the ocean.
This chick had one habit that was particularly annoying. If she didn’t get her way then she’d scream and pout and cause a ruckus. Then she’d threaten to leave. If called on it, then she would leave. The apartment. But not the building. She’s go into the common area and cry and scream an wail about how badly she’d been treated. Of course, the neighbors would come out to see what the problem was, and she would go on about the monster(s) in apartment three. And the neighbors would eat her shit up. Thus, she would get back into the apartment and win the argument, lest we get arrested for domestic violence.
Do we all know someone who’s just like the woman in the OP? Kind of scary, huh?
Mine is named “Wendy.” Well, not really, but I’ll give her a pseudonym to proect her identity. (Not that she deserves it.) My husband is very close with Wendy’s husband. He was a mentor when my husband first started his job, and there’s a bit of “obligation” there, if you catch my drift. Because we maintain the friendship with “Mike”, we have to be friends with Wendy, too.
Wendy is a woman in her late forties, married with two children who are in their first years of college. She’s a large woman who doesn’t look good in the skin-tight, revealing clothing that she wears (and purchases from the Junior’s section.) She deeply resents the fact that she’s not twenty any longer, and compensates for that by acting like it. I imagine that her children never had a Family Time evening, because Wendy and Mike were out bar-hopping every evening.
Every time we socialized with them, Wendy chose where we went and what we would eat or she would throw a pouty hissy fit and work very,* very *hard to ensure that no one else would be able to enjoy themselves, either. God help us all if the conversation strayed away from Wendy’s interests. Unfortunately, Wendy is also a dull woman, and what she wanted to talk about, work, money and her kids, do not provide scintillating conversation.
I knew there was going to be trouble when her children moved out. Wendy had just lost two of her captive audience, and thus would be desperate for attention. She had a breakdown, just as I suspected she would. She decided Mike was having an affair because she had seen him pass a woman she despised in a parking lot and kicked Mike out of the house and immediately began an affair of her own with a much younger man. (Making sure, of course, to rub it in Mike’s face and hopefully start a conflict-- maybe even a fistfight! She would call him and say, “Mike, [boyfriend] and I are going to be at [bar name] tonight at eight. Make sure you don’t come by [bar name] at eight!”)
Of course, it was unthinkable that Hubby and I should be allowed to remain neutral and distant from this conflict. Wendy showed up twice at my husband’s second job (as a university teacher) to try to tell him all of Mike’s sins. She even went as far as to say that Mike really didn’t like Hubby and reported all of the mean things he had supposedly said about Hubby over the years. She even had her children come home from college and sent them to the campus to wait for Hubby after class in the parking lot to plead Wendy’s case.
When Hubby did not reject Mike as Wendy felt he should, she turned on us. At first, it was only verbal (she revealed that she had never liked either of us, something which positively broke my heart, as you can imagine.) But we made a massive mistake. Knowing that Mike was sleeping on a friend’s couch, Hubby agreed to loan Mike some money when he asked so that he could stay at a hotel, which Wendy decided was a delaration of war against her. So, she keyed our car and dumped some sort of foreign substance into our gas tank. ($1100 to repair. Couldn’t prove it was her, of course.) I started watching my dogs carefully when they were in the backyard because I honestly wouldn’t put it past her to throw poisoned food over the fence.
Guess what? Mike and Wendy are back together! It was “Meant To Be”. The only ones who had any lasting damage out of this were Hubby and I (monetary) and her children, who are undoubtably scarred from being dragged into a conflict between their parents and forced to chose a side.
I refuse to socialize with Mike and Wendy any more, but they occasionally show up at parties. Two days ago, I attended a baby shower to which they were also invited. Wendy and Mike were the first to leave because Wendy was upset (at not being the center of attention, as usual, though I’m sure she came up with a different reason as she always does.)
What’s so “borderline” about this personality disorder? There’s nothing borderline about it, if you ask me. They’re over the border and smack in the middle of the Republic of Crazybitch.
I was curious about that myself, so I looked it up. Apparently, the “borderline” refers to the idea that these people are not quite neurotic, but not quite psychotic. They’re on the “borderline” between the two disorders.
I think the original thrust of the definition was based on them being more troubled/troublesome than folks with neuroses, but they lacked the criteria to be diagnosed as psychotic.
I didn’t know my cousin had moved to Japan and married. I am positively happy for her.
Actually she hasn’t moved anywhere. I saw her yesterday.
I don’t know what kind of diagnosis to throw at her, but I know she’s been seen a mental hygienist or something for a long time. Waste of money.
She’s possesive, of friends and relatives. She insists on helping people and gets herself into situations where in the end people will owe her favours and money and she’ll be cheated. Then she can play the victim.
She’s also very demanding and has a huge sense of entitlement. She’s over 40 and I have yet to hear of her having any type of serious relationship. If I ran I can see how a man would hop on whatever means of locomotion at hand an flee from her. For example, it is not uncommon that she invites herself to people’s homes, and with unknown friends in tow. Or worse, that when invited to dinner or something and she shows up with another friend… at the expense of the one who invited her.
So, what *are *the requirements for emigrating to Japan?
Which is why I’m standing by and trying to decide if I want to revive my flagging friendship with my former best friend. He’s really, really cool until she’s around, and then just melts into a passive ball of jello.
Ouch. You win.
Yup, this is the shit we get from them. It’s “mean to be” and their love is just so special, which they prove by never stepping more than 6" from each other in any social situations. At my birthday party a year ago, in a bar in Roppogi, the district for foreigners, another American friend was standing around when Bobby comes and starts to talk. Amerian friend starts in a conversation and Bobby let him know that Bobby doesn’t have a lot of time, since Bobby is just “escorting” Drama Queen Bitch to the rest room. Sure enough, Drama Queen Bitch comes back and back they go. It’s not like this was some super-sized disco from hell. It was a small bar and the only people there were those at my party.:rolleyes:
When I blew up at her, we were at a restaurant and they were late arriving. The group had saved them seats on the end of the table, one seat on each side. This won’t do. They can’t be “apart” for the 30 minutes we’re going to be there for coffee, so they move into some other people’s seats (from our group). This couple then has to move down into the end and sit apart, but I guess it must be OK with Drama Queen Bitch and Bobby, because their love is just so special. No one else would ever understand that.
So many stories, so few megabytes of storage.
DQB is (hopefully was) in the group of friends with my wife. People put with the the shit for a while, but then she crossed the line. There’s an Aussie in the group, a great guy that everyone likes. DQB started asking him out for coffee and would hang out with him. Mr. Aussie is nice, if people invite him somewhere he often goes.
DQB falls in love with our friend from the sourthen hemishere, decides that meeting up for coffee is extensive dating, that they are an item, and that he isn’t being honest with her because of he hasn’t declared his love for her. Cleverly, she neglects to mention any of this to our hero. However, she does have time to spend endless hours crying on the phone with other females in the group, growing almost histric with the wrong her true love has wrought.
Gradually, mild annoyance with Mr. Aussie for not making quicker moves on DQB develops into group anger at the clear villain who is probably a beer-drinking alcoholic anyway, and accumulates into a group confrontation, lead by a gay Singaporean scholar, with the bastard himself.
Suddenly, just when all are ready to settle for thing less than blood, the whole world changes. Our Aussie, the nice guy and simple man who he is, was completely, 100% unaware of her affections. What about these conversations faithfully relayed back to the group? Fiction, you say? Humm. “Oooooops,” says the group, and some want back their hours and hours of commiseration over the past several months.
While she wasn’t prohibited from attending functions after that, the number of invitations has decreased tremendously. With any luck, it will hit zero soon.
I am in a quandary. I really like Bobby, but despise DQB. It is just easier to replace my former best friend?
[del]Jesus fucking Christ, you’re only giving me eight measly point? I’ll bet that you can’t even spell you’re own name correctly twice in a fucking row.[/del] Wow! Eight out of ten! I’m honored!
TokyoPlayer? Should you consider letting go of Bobby as a best friend?
Answer: The less you say, the more people listen. If you don’t like something, don’t beat around the bush. Be assertive and tell Bobby point blank what you don’t like. You might lose him for a while, until he realises the error of his ways, then you’ll be closer than ever.
Longer Answer: Clearly, Bobby has a co-dependant personality, and currently, he’s empowering the dominating girlfriend to be responsible for his personal happiness. You can’t change him. He’s gotta work on that himself. Don’t point out his flaws. Don’t make him feel defensive. Just tell him what YOU don’t like about the situation, and leave it at that. When the time’s right, after they break up, then when he comes to you for opinions, offer your thoughts then.
I wouldn’t rule out narcissistic personality disorder, which can be quite difficult to distinguish from borderline p.d. Both are very good at making other people’s lives miserable. Borderline p.d.s tend to create a strong “countertransference” reaction, whereas their narcissistic counterparts often create a certain amount of bemusement. It is common apocrypha that borderline p.d. can be diagnosed sheerly by the countertransference reaction – not true, since many (myself included) are drawn to these types for the challenge.
Bobby has been released from that duty as a best friend. He was demoted to a friend and then an acquaintance and then just someone I used to know.
His [del]fucking crazy, psycho, drama queen from hell[/del] sweetie made sure that he never returned calls. He’s such a [del] codependent emasculated wimp[/del] loyal boyfriend that he ignored emails asking to discuss the issue so we haven’t talked for months. Little loss, though.
